Bab 1: Chapter 1
"Sorry to disturb, Master Snape. Master Dumbledore requests your presence, sir. He says it is most urgent, sir." The house elf bounced nervously from foot to foot.
Severus groaned and pressed his thumbs into his eyes as he took a deep breath and pulled himself out of bed. He placed his feet on the cold dungeon floor, willing himself into waking. He glanced at the clock on the wall as he pulled his teaching robes back on. Nearly 2am.
"It better be damn urgent," Severus muttered, buttoning the top of his outer robe.
"Oh, yes, Master Snape. It is about Harry Potter," she squealed nervously.
When the house elf was satisfied that Severus would be immediately headed to Albus's office, she disappeared with a snap of her fingers and a POP!
This was one of the few nights that Filius would be making the nightly rounds, and Severus would actually be able to sleep. Severus wanted to begrudge Albus for waking him, wanted to blame Harry Potter for his lack of sleep. He wanted to. He couldn't. He knew that Voldemort had been more active recently. His Dark Mark burned daily, for hours on end. Occasionally it was a summons, usually it was just overflow of Voldemort's high emotions. Severus took deep, steady breaths, attempting to not fear the worst.
Severus felt unsettled. He took the steps up to the headmaster's office two at a time, whispered the password, and entered.
Albus was sat at his desk with his chin resting atop his steepled fingers, as if it weren't the wee hours of the morning.
"What is so urgent it couldn't wait for daylight?" Severus's voice lacked it's normal acidity.
"It's Harry."
"Yes, I figured as much. What has the idiot done now?"
Albus raised a sad eyebrow and took a deep breath. The man seemed tired, in the way one is tired after fighting a war for far too long, sleeping on battlefields, tending to wounds, organizing troops.
"You know that isn't why I called upon you. He's done nothing wrong."
Severus nodded. "When you call me this late about Harry Potter, when there has been this much Death Eater activity…"
"He's fine, at the moment."
"Get on with it, Albus."
"I believe him to be suicidal."
Severus was stunned. "That couldn't be. He's too loyal to the cause. He knows we need him. I cannot believe he'd ever harm himself."
"The desires and the actions do not always align. I believe he will face Voldemort. I do not, however, believe he intends to live through it."
"Suicide via Dark Lord," Severus said bitterly, understanding, as he had once been of that state of mind, as well. Albus must have known that.
Severus lowered himself slowly to sit in the velvet chair across from Albus. The boy had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He'd had that weight his entire life. Of course, he was bound to buckle under the pressure eventually. Still, to hear he had these thoughts, caused a pain in Severus that he couldn't quite name. He found the boy to be utterly loathsome, but he was still Lily's son and he was also the one who needed to live longer than Voldemort. Severus was a cynical man, but he was practical. He knew, that after Voldemort's fall, the wizarding world would need Harry. They needed someone to look to, to provide hope, to make them feel safe once more. And although Harry would only be a symbol, which Harry would hate, it was still something the public would need. They all relied on Harry to continue with their post-war lives.
"What do you expect me to do about it? I could brew him some Dreamless Sleep, let his mind receive some rest and feel a bit more emotionally stable. However, I cannot say how effective it would be."
Albus sighed and shook his head. "No, dear boy. What I am requesting from you would be a bit more personal than that."
Request? Severus scoffed. Albus never requested. He just gently demanded, sometimes so subtly, one might think it was their own idea to begin with.
"Anything you request, Albus."
"He's not been experiencing nightmares, rather complete insomnia. I see him. He walks around the castle all night, under that cloak of his. He's wandering the castle as we speak. I suppose he is seeking answers from his own mind. I cannot be sure. Would you walk with him, Severus? I know the two of you aren't quite friends. However, you are allies, ultimately. You've felt lost before, the way he feels now."
"I am not a therapist. I have classes in the morning."
"Severus, please."
"Does he not have friends?"
"You know he does. You also know there are things he cannot discuss with them, just as there are things that we cannot tell him."
"You want me to be his friend." Severus stated plainly. He was dumbfounded.
Albus took a deep, calculating breath. "Yes."
"Albus, I despise that dreadful child and he knows it."
The old and weary headmaster arched a grey, bushy eyebrow, his lips were a thin, straight line. It was his I know what I'm doing, don't argue look.
Severus conceded.
"Thank you for your time, Severus. I believe you will cross his path on your way back to the dungeons."
Severus grit his teeth so hard he thought he might break his own jaw. He stood and left the Headmaster's office, fully intending to obey the man just as he always did.
Severus was swearing under his breath before he even closed the office door behind him. He was internally kicking himself the entire trek down the first staircase. By the time he reached the dungeons he was asking 'Merlin, why? Why me? Why am I the one who must be Potter's night shift wet-nurse?' Severus was just short of beginning to pray for his own death when he turned the corner towards his room and ran smack into an invisible body.
Severus sighed. "Potter, I know you're there." He waited a few moments, but Harry did not reveal himself. "You're not in any trouble," he added.
Albus would be correct in where Harry would be at that moment. He always seemed to know just where the seventh-year was at any moment. Severus reached out and grasped the invisibility cloak and pulled it from Harry's person, revealing the sheepish smile of the student before him.
Harry rubbed the back of his neck shyly. "Erm… Hi, Professor."
"Why aren't you in Gryffindor tower?" Severus scowled down at him.
"I can't sleep." Harry moved to jerk his cloak back from him, but Severus moved his hand behind him, effectively blocking the young man's efforts.
"Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, then."
"I like to walk around the castle. It tires me, helps me find a little bit of sleep… sometimes I walk around the lake."
"You go outside… alone… at night… Are you out of your blasted mind? There are hundreds of people who would love to see you dead, including an insanely powerful madman!"
"I obviously know that. Why the fuck do you think I can't sleep?"
Severus raised an eyebrow in warning. Honestly, he was amused at hearing the young man swear but, as a professor, he couldn't allow the offense to go unnoticed.
"Sorry, professor, not much of a filter when I'm sleep deprived it seems."
Severus sighed. It was time to babysit, he supposed.
"Have you adequately tired your body for the evening?"
"Not as of yet."
"Well, I'm keeping this." Severus indicated the cloak still in his fist. "However, I'll accompany you for a short while."
Instant shock overtook Potter's face. "What? Why? I could just go back to the tower. It's no problem, really. I owe that much to you just for not giving me detention for this."
"Come." Severus turned on his heel. After a moment, the student finally hurried after him. Severus's legs were much longer than Harry's. Mind, Harry had shot up like a weed the summer before his seventh year and was now only a head shorter than Severus himself. Still, he struggled to keep up with the older man's pace. 'Good,' Severus thought. 'Tire him more quickly.' Despite the goal of tiring Harry, Severus found that we was, somehow, wide awake.
"Is there a specific round you make on these 'walks'?" Severus asked, really only wondering why the young Gryffindor had been in the dungeons earlier in the evening.
"No, I let my feet do the thinking."
"I could have gathered that by your marks in Potions."
Normally, this would at least garner Severus an intense glare. This time Harry had no reaction. He only shrugged a shoulder dismissively.
Severus continued to walk with the young man for quite a while. He was sure it must be nearing four in the morning. Harry stayed perfectly silent as they walked through the empty, dark corridors. Soon, the two found themselves at the entrance to the kitchens. Harry reached out to push the door open but paused and looked to Severus. Harry smiled apologetically, "We're here anyways. They'll be making breakfast by now, and I'm hungry."
Severus nodded his permission, and motioned for Harry to open the door.
There must have been a strong silencing spell around the kitchen because the dead-silent corridor immediately filled with the sounds of several dozen house elves cooking. They were popping around everywhere, mixing massive bowls of dough, pulling breakfast pastries from ovens, slicing ham, and toasting bread. In all of his years at Hogwarts, Severus had never actually watched any of his meals being prepared. It was something to admire, how the elves all worked in perfect synchronicity to prepare a meal for hundreds of people.
As if reading his mind, Harry smiled at him and handed him a warm pastry, then took a bite of one himself. Severus accepted it and the two leaned against the ceramic-tiled wall and watched the elves work as they ate in silence.
"This has been…" Harry began after swallowing his last bite.
"Yes, Potter?"
"It's just- I liked having someone there with me tonight. You didn't hound me with questions. You expected nothing of me. You were just… there. It was nice. Thank you." Harry stared straight ahead, avoiding Severus's gaze as he spoke.
Severus swallowed hard, suddenly feeling anxious. Or perhaps it was just the exhaustion.
"I could brew you some potions to help with the insomnia."
"It's not that I can't sleep, really. It's that I have so much to think about. During the day I can stay occupied but, at night, I have the peace and quiet so that I can finally think about the things I've had to avoid throughout the day. I can't think when I'm with my friends, or in class, so I think while I walk and once I'm too tired to continue, I go to bed. Well, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have no time before morning classes." Harry shook his head and looked down at the floor. "I don't know if this is making any sense," he added quietly.
"It is," Severus said, nearly a whisper. A house elf dropped a stainless-steel bowl. It hit the floor with a loud clang. Both of their heads snapped towards the noise and reached just short of their wands. Severus looked at Harry from the corner of his eye and frowned. Harry already had the same level of paranoia it had taken Severus years to build. The bowl wobbled loudly for a moment then settled.
Severus wasn't sure what possessed himself to open his mouth and say this, but it came out nonetheless, surprising even himself:
"If you need someone to talk to, about all of these thoughts, I'd not be wholly against walking with you again in the future."
Severus didn't really have a choice in this matter, damn Albus, but Harry didn't know that and, suddenly, Severus no longer hated the idea either.
Harry looked at Severus in surprise. "I'd like that. Since you're in The Order, I could actually talk to you about things. Sirius doesn't let me talk, really. He hates it when I'm pessimistic. Remus always has so much damn pity in his eyes… And Ron and Hermione can't know the things that we know… and you know how it is trying to talk to the Headmaster."
"Albus always leaves you with more questions than you had before?"
"Yes. Damn him."
Severus laughed. A true, deep-from-the-gut laugh that felt good.
Harry smiled. "I didn't know you were capable of laughing."
"I didn't know you were capable of making me do so."
After escorting Harry back to the Gryffindor common room, Severus was able to sleep a couple of hours before the students would be filing into the Great Hall for breakfast. The sleep wasn't restful, and it was all too short. Luckily, there was an old muggle remedy for that: black coffee.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
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