Amateur writer. Please leave your review! IG Account: @thebookwormpotato Discord: HANA #5052
2019-07-17 Bergabung Global
"Sam, I think that would be possible," Tyson interrupted, "What if we are in reality characters from a story. You know like in those superhero comics! Where there are alternate universes, variants of us! Oh… that would suddenly explain the zombies, Viviane's ice powers. We are the side characters of this story! I'm the comic relief, you are the female sidekick who is more powerful than the MC, Viviane is the mentor of the MC, and Lynn he is the MC!" Tyson was excited. He looked like a five-year-old kid very proud of his deduction.
Fantasy · HANA_4345
Poor Lynn is so average that maybe if he commits a crime no one would be able to describe his features because of how average he is.😆
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Fantasy · HANA_4345
is he a kid or a monkey... I'm starting to think about the latter... or... maybe a mutant kid-monkey
The kid said to himself before letting go of the tree as he pushed himself forward with his feet reaching higher into the air, doing small flips and spins in the air before landing with force against the ground.
Fantasy · Sin_KG08
Action*
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Games · Anji_King
hehehehe... that "subtle" reference.
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Games · Anji_King
Great! Maybe you should put a small note on one of your chapters to clear that. Just so that your readers know its not like you forgot about it, but that it's all planned.
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So... as I always do in my reviews I like to pinpoint the strong parts of it first. There's definitely good character design and story development. Just a small suggestion, not really something that you need to follow through if you don't want to. You should develop a bit more your world background. Is our MC on Earth? How come there are 9 worlds? Is this an AU? Why did our MC's father fought monsters? There are a lot of questions with no answers. A bit of detail about all this will make the story better. Also as a bonus point, it will make your reader have a better idea of what to imagine when reading your story. So, what you must improve so your story can be a success. 1. Capital letters. I saw that proper names lacked capital letters. The beginning of paragraphs lacked capital letters. Even your title lacked capital letters (don't know if that last one is intentional though). Just by editing that, your story will look more polished. 2. If you are unsure of your grammar you may use a writing software like Microsoft Word, or just download Grammarly and use it on Chrome. Both work well for writers who are just starting. Hope this review was helpful, and I hope that I didn't sound too harsh.
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I won't say it's my best writing since it's my first story, but I do hope you could give it a chance. You can be honest commenting if there's anything not of your liking. It will help me to improve my writing style.😄
The Trials of Love
Fantasy · HANA_4345