Wet_Lilly_Rose - Profile

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More plz, but plz dont let anyone else taste his woman. And that dude that did should die.

... :/ I'll be honest. First, your texting habits are bleeding into your writing; sometimes typing 'U' instead of 'you'. Noticed it at least 2 times in the chapter before this and then saw it in this one too. Second, your characters don't feel all that realistic. They're too much of just one strong personality trait instead of being complex like most people are. Third, most people don't like reading dense or dumb main characters. Most people like reading the MC normal level smart or smarter than normal people. To have the MC acting this dumb at the start of the book will make a lot of people drop it. To go further in point and explain how he was dumb: He knew she liked him too. Knew how she didn't like Justin. Knew her personally and her personality for a long time. Knew Justin hates him. How it was Justin that gave him the letter instead of the usual mail person. How the letter wasn't open like it would be if Justin got it first and would have opened it to read it if it really was to from her. How the entire letter sounded absolutely fake and like and idiot wrote it... And finally how MC didn't even go into denial and how just wanted to die. Uhh, that took a little while to write. I'm done giving advice on writing for a while now.

Short for a first chapter, but a good starting. Written well enough with no glaringly obvious flaws in the grammer department. Did a decent job on what all first chapters should do which is getting the reader hooked or at least interested. I am curious though, flash's dad said his brother's daughter is Diana. Is he saying brother as in actually blood related brother? So is Diana his cousin? 😏😋

I hope it's actually blood related instead of what some people still count like adopted.

WOOT WOOT! Sister x brother FTW!!

Morrrrrre 😍🤤😋

I need morrrre

Morrrrrre

Xp

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