Serapheim - Profile

I've come this far! And so far, I don't have issues with the grammar, keep working on format perhaps? Paragraph breaking etc. However, I do have issues with the excessive info dumped on each chapter that expands far beyond what is deemed necessary to outline your choice of skills, or use of anything that runs outside the 4th wall. The sense of immersion built up is destroyed by the sheer volume of info dumped on every chapter, for things outside of Minecraft/ASOIAF. If you're going to add a skill or ability, you are more than welcome to do so, but please hold back on depth of detail! I don't need a wiki-length's excerpt of everything about the skills origins and every definitive development of the character it comes from. I want your story telling, character development, and world building; not a thesis. You don't need to add all that much detail in skills you find interesting. Please keep improving! You have potential here. Just don't choke the story out by adding beyond what's within reason, so to say. Good Luck, and don't give up!

Seemingly short anti-climactic ending for the Night King fight. Couldn't think of how to detail the fight scene? I know you're probably pushing for the ending and all, but even a half chapter of fighting would be nice? Making Edward fight with all his ability. Sword and Shield! Spear! And maybe then end with the classical Arya intervention? Otherwise, still love the story so far. Don't feel put down! Aim to rise higher in your creativity.

Fantastic work. Adding a whole new depth of detail in expanding the whole H.P. world is a great game changer! Love the whole story so far, honestly. Never give up!