Xerxes546 - Profile

that dragged on and on. I wonder how many times he thought he was hallucinating, or how many times the author flipped back and forth really nailing the point of what he seeing. already starting with word count wars. that's a bad sign.

let me pick the batman card. batman is cool, smart, and rich. definitely useful. - a phone immediately rings, your focus torn away while reveling in your choice. your smile wide on your face, you can't wait to be batman. you pick up the phone. " Hello, is this the mc?" you answer nonchalantly, " yes, how can I help?" the smile still on your face, daydreaming in your mind " I am the night!" pfft, more like dark knight. you give yourself a mental high five. your batman, and your funny. too much. " Sorry to say this, but both of your parents just died." you drop the phone as you stare at the card in your hand. all the light seems to be sucked out of the room as your focus on the card slowly fades. your fingers fall away as the card drifts to the ground. in horror and hindsight you realized a deadly truth. NEVER, and I mean never, pick the batman card. ...would you like to start again?

so the only action taken by mc was against his will, and he still remains passive. any character growth would be appreciated, and when it seems like he has any change in character it's revealed to be a plot contrivance to remind him to remain the same one note smug child.

what effect has mc had on the plot other than granger?

author writes a story about someone existing in a much more exciting story who actively doesn't engage with that narrative. it's like watching a movie about two people watching a movie, but talking while movie plays. it's like reading a story without context of narrative drive, drama, or pathos. it's like watching star wars, but you skipped all the exciting space battles and it's just Luke reading, or shopping for parts. then cut pass rescue of princess Leia and fade in on a 20 minute conversation between Han and Chewbacca on the importance of ship upkeep. your not writing a story your just journaling about a fictional characters life with tidbits of excitement that he sometimes remembers to write down. I'm just happy that we can all together collectively wipe our brow in relief that there is not a chapter dedicated to Max's bathroom routine. although..., I'm not to deep in this story, so I could of just jinxed myself.

what the heck did I just read? I felt like I was tumbling through a dark void of twisting words and phrases that look familiar at first, but the more I concentrate on understanding the words written the more confused I got. with the amount of logic leaps and missing adjectives, you managed to create a weird experimental chapter. its like your words could perfectly inact cognitive dissonance. l should understand what's going and my brain is filling in the gaps of your poorly written paragraphs. yet, when I see the next word after trying to make sense of the gobbledygook leading to gobbledygook, my mind blanks and I have an aneurysm trying to slowly piece together a singular cohesive idea of what I just read.