• Joined Apr 2018
  • Global
  • Male
  • Here are some funny stories I found on the internet (I don't own any of these stories). Enjoy! [1.] Now that’s what I call st*pid: In my junior year of high school, this guy asked me on a date. He rented a Redbox movie and made a pizza. We were watching the movie and the oven beeped so the pizza was done. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “This is the worst part.” I then watched this boy open the oven and pull the pizza out with his bare hands, rack and all, screaming at the top of his lungs. We never had a second date. [2.] The fake report card: I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report card. I did this every quarter that year. I forgot that they mail home the end-of-year cards, and my mom got it before I could intercept with my fake. She was PISSED—at the school for their error. The teacher also retired that year and had already thrown out his records, so they had to take my mother’s “proof” (the fake ones I made throughout the year) and “correct” the “mistake.” I’ve never told her the truth. [3.] All the fish: I went to this girl’s party the week after she beat the sh*t out of my friend. While everyone was getting trashed, I went around putting tuna inside all the curtain rods and so like weeks went by and they couldn’t figure out why the house smelled like festering death. They caught me through this video where these guys at the party were singing Beyoncé while I was in the background with a can of tuna. [4.] How to win at video games: When I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to Club Penguin, except it was called Nicktropolis. And if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was “What is your eye colour?” and if you got it right it’d tell you your password. So I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then I would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to “What is your eye colour?” (Which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids). I would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own accounts. And if I didn’t want it, I could sell it for money. [5.] Drama at my drama class: One time my drama class’s teacher had gone home sick so we were just put in a classroom with a movie to entertain us for the period when an alarm went off. None of us was sure if it was the fire alarm or the lockdown alarm, so we all head out into the hall to check and no one’s out there, so we head back in and climb under our desks as is lockdown procedure. Cut to an hour or so later when a teacher bursts in and nearly dies of relief because the school was on fire and we were the only students not accounted for and half the faculty and fire department had been searching for us for ages. Literally, the whole school had filled with smoke while we’d kept super safe under our wooden desks. [6.] I drew a p*nis with a glue stick on the whiteboard: My whole class once got detention because I drew a p*nis with a glue stick on the whiteboard and when the teacher went to wipe off the board all the fluff came off and stuck to the glue. I never got in trouble for it because my whole class found it too funny to tell the teacher it was me. [7.] The day my teacher stole my headphones: During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing silent work and my history teacher said that we could listen to music but if it was too loud he would “break our headphones.” so I’m doing my work quietly with my music on low, and this obnoxious kid sitting next to me had his music really loud. I could hear it over my music but ignored it. My teacher thought it was me. So he comes up to me & ripped my BRAND NEW Apple headphones, looking ruthless. He suddenly realized it was the guy next to me and he was completely embarrassed. He came in the next day with a new pair and an apology note taped to them. He couldn’t look me in the eye for the rest of the year. [8.] Oh, s*men: When I was in high school, I was pretty quiet around people who weren’t my friends. The high school’s wrestling coach also taught geometry, and he was my teacher. This resulted in a lot of wrestlers skipping class and barging into our classroom to hang out and not get in trouble. One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were. When they go over and pull out the uniforms, the whole class is kind of side-eyeing them. Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny. I mean, it’s tight royal blue Spandex with a suspender style top. Absolutely funny already. But the wrestlers grab the uniforms and rush out of the room to go change in the bathroom, and come back to show them off. Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk.Anyway, we live in a town called Ocean City. It’s commonly abbreviated as “OC”. On the back of the Spandex uniform, it says Ocean City Men in large letters. Except… they used the abbreviation. On the back, it says OC MEN. Which isn’t awful, but then I sound it out in my head. OC MEN. Oh, s*men. I almost spit out the water I was drinking.I looked around frantically, trying to find out who I can tell because I didn’t have any friends to tell in this class. I turn to the girl next to me, and I had no idea who she was and had never talked to her before. I told her what I found and we both cracked up.The whole time she saw me as the quiet teacher’s pet who was shy as hell. The first words out of my mouth were “It says oh, s*men.”We’ve been best friends for 7 years now. [9.] Ow, my sh*t!: When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary. When I was in first grade, my teacher taught me that “shin” was another word for leg.Later that day, I was walking with my mom, when I tripped and hit my leg on the ground really hard. I yelled out “OW, MY SHIN” although my mom heard “OW, MY SH*T.” She started yelling about how that was a bad word and we didn’t say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out with soap. I was crying, bawling mess of a child, to the point I was doing that weird cry, stutter, hiccup noise. She paused in berating me and said: “Who taught you that word?!” Of course, I told the truth and said “M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!” and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at.I tried to explain, “T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg I’m SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-never say it again.” My mom got quiet and realized her mistake. “…What did you say?”Of course, I started crying harder and I said: “NO it’s just a test you’re going to wash my mouth out with soap again.”When I finally calmed down enough to say it again, my mom apologized and to this day I always say “shin” loudly just to see her face blush. [10.] I swear to God he levitated: I have a friend who I’ve known since I was very little. One day, when he was six, I was at his house when he got this absolutely god-awful stomach pain. I mean, he was literally writhing in pain. So, his mom took him to the doctor’s office, where the doctor took one look and told her to take him to the ER. She feared something along the lines of an intestinal rupture. About halfway to the hospital, my friend suddenly let rip the loudest, most powerful fart any of us had ever heard. I swear to God he levitated. We thought the upholstery in the car seat had ripped. After a good 30 seconds of intense farting, he looked at his mom and said, “I feel all better now!” [11.] We don’t have a f*cking doorbell: So a couple of years I moved out of state with a boyfriend. Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family. One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors. I’d wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. On one particular night, I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing. Which at 4 in the morning is fucking nerve-wracking. So I shook my boyfriend fully awake and told him I heard the doorbell and to go check it because I was scared. He quickly jumps up. Puts on clothes and grabs a bat. Goes all the way to the front door and opens it. I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down. I see him step outside and I nervously await the verdict of the situation when I hear him call out to me. “Babe?” And I respond real shaky, “Yes?” He stands in the doorway with a real frustrated tired look in his eyes and says, “We don’t have a f*cking doorbell.” [12.] The whole school thought I was going to star on Drake and Josh: In second grade, I told everyone that I was leaving school before next semester to move to Hollywood to play Megan’s cousin from Vermont on Drake and Josh. At first, I just told my best friend, but then the whole school found out. I had people coming up to me and asking me for my autograph and a teacher even asked for a picture with me. When I showed up on the first day of school in third grade, I told everyone that the show was going off the air after the season finished (even though I had no knowledge of when it was ending), and so they wouldn’t need me. AND THE SHOW ENDED AFTER THAT SEASON AND EVERYONE BELIEVED ME UP UNTIL LIKE 6TH GRADE BUT NOW MY BEST FRIEND WILL NEVER LET ME FORGET ABOUT IT AND I’M SO ANGRY. [13.] Classroom Chaos: So in 8th grade, I used to read during class a lot. At the time I was reading an Artemis Fowl book, and for some reason, I had two copies of the same book. So one day in my English class we were reading this other book (which I had already finished reading three days earlier), I was reading my own book and when it was finally my turn to read, I had no idea where we were. So the teacher took my book away, I found my spot, read the part and passed it to the next person to start reading.So after I read my part, I took out my second copy of Artemis and picked up right where I left off. Skip a few minutes ahead, gets back to my turn to read, and again I don’t know where we are. So the teacher takes a look at me, sees the book in my hands, then back to her desk obviously confused for a second. But shrugs it off knowing it’s me she’s dealing with (I’ve caused similar problems like this before), takes my second book and puts it on her desk, and makes me read my part.Now my friend that sat two chairs down from me was also reading Artemis at the same time as me and with a quick look to him, he knew exactly what I was planning. He took it out and passed it over without hesitation. I opened to a random spot and just pretended like I was reading. (At this point it was just to mess with my teacher.)So skip forward again and my teacher sees me with the book again and says, “How many of those do you have?” I gave my smartass remark as “enough.” She took away that book, too. But now at this point, I was out of books, and the rest of my class knew it. But the teacher didn’t know I was out. So she continued with her lesson and another friend of mine took two of her books and switched out two of the Artemis books on her desk to make them look like they were still there.He passed the books slowly around the room, one at a time until they were back to me. Then I took one out, opened to a random spot and just kept it open, waiting to get caught. I silently signalled to a few people in the class and they started laughing. The teacher looked at what they were laughing at and saw me with yet another book. She looked at her desk where there were seemingly 3 Artemis books and saw me with a 4th. She took it, walked back to her desk, put it down, turned around, and saw me with the second book that got taken back on my desk!!!The teacher thought she was going to win this game but underestimated my teamwork with my classmates. So the second she came over to me to take the seemingly 5th book, another classmate took back the other two books from her desk and split them up—sending one to me one way, and the other another way.The teacher was very flustered and laughing hysterically at this point and there was no more teaching going on. The entire class was also going ballistic trying to see who would win. It was just a game of “How many books does this one 8th grader have?”So at the end of the class, she thought she had taken 11 books from me. I took pity on her and told her what was really happening. I told her that I had already read the first book and all the teamwork that went on. We were both laughing and making jokes. In the end, she agreed to let me read my own books as long as I kept track of the actual book we were reading. (Meaning, I ask the person next to me tell me when it’s my turn and they point out my spot to read so I don’t actually have to keep track.) [14.] Victoria’s no longer a secret: So my oldest brother Ethan doesn’t like wearing pants while at home, he wears boxers (because he’s a gentleman) but REFUSES to wear pants.So one day we’re all just chilling on the couch when Ethan comes in wearing his boxers. My younger brother Eric asks if he can take off his pants too and Ethan says yeah, just make sure you have clean underwear on.Eric leaves the room, goes upstairs, comes back 3 or 4 minutes later without pants in my underwear, and not just any underwear; Victoria’s Secret, MY VICTORIA’S SECRET (only girl in the family).Ethan is laughing his ass off, Nate (next oldest brother) is rolling on the floor, and I’m just sitting there like WTF.My dad chooses the best time to come in with guests when one of his 10-year-old sons is standing in the living room wearing his only daughters frilly Victoria’s Secrets, his oldest isn’t wearing pants, and the other two sons are on the floor dying.The neighbours haven’t come over since. [15.] My favorite teacher: One time in 6th grade we were at recess and while I was running to my friends, I just so happened to kick a HUGE rock (keep in mind, I was wearing flip-flops so it hurt like hell) and without thinking, I shouted at the top of my lungs “MOTHERF*CKER!” And with my god-awful luck, my math teacher was sitting at the bench right BESIDE ME. He then took me inside to what I thought was yell at me but he just couldn’t stop laughing and sent me back outside with a literal candy bar. He is still my favourite teacher I’ve ever had. [16.] Lotion boy: One time in my chemistry class, while the teacher was talking, this guy asked loudly, “Does anyone have any lotion?” The teacher stopped talking as some girl gave him some hand lotion.The guy proceeds to slowly rub the lotion on his face as the whole class watches him in confusion.The teacher asks him what he’s doing, and he responds with “I forgot to moisturize this morning” and puts even more on his face.The teacher asks him to go to the hall to finish his moisturizing because he’s being a distraction, and after about 10 minutes he still hasn’t come back in, so someone opens the door to check and he’s still smearing lotion all over his face. He finally comes back in and hands the girl her lotion, and he’s used up half of it. Now people call him lotion boy. [17.] I never got to eat my Pringles: Okay, so this was in fourth grade, and I was in this class with all these dumbass kids.Here’s the back story: My parents usually pack me fruit for a snack, but on this day they packed me like half of the leftover Pringles from the day before, you know, in that cylinder container. I was really excited since I LOVE PRINGLES. But when recess came around so I could take MY Pringles and go eat it outside, they weren’t in my bag. I started scoping the area, trying to find my Pringles. I call the teacher, she tries to find them but she can’t either. Then this thought comes to my mind—What if MOIRA STOLE IT?Moira was this chubby girl in my class that literally ALWAYS wore this purple princess dress that should be classified as a bad Halloween costume (seriously) and was known for being a b*tch.Being the judgmental 9-10 year old I was, I straight out concluded that she must’ve stolen my damn Pringles. I just tell my teacher, “Well too bad, I’ll just go out for recess now. It was just PRINGLES.” Being a little angel. So I stomp out of the class and start searching for Moira. I’m talking about checking areas, finding witnesses, wasting my time. So after a solid 10 minutes, I find a group of these kids crowded at the side of one of the portable classrooms. I rush over to see what it is. The kids were eating Pringles. Barbecue flavoured Pringles. MY PRINGLES. I start raging as I smack the Pringles out of the kids’ hands and start ripping people away from the main source. And in the middle of all the kids, sat a smug looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES. I look all mad and rip the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN B*TCH’S FILTHY HANDS. By now even d*mbass Moira knows what’s up, she’s a goner. I would’ve murdered her at the very least, but a supervisor saw us and ran over.Moira was forced to apologize and I was forced to accept her d*mn apology.I never got to eat my Pringles.To this day I’m sure she fears my cold dead hands, ready to rip her lying face off.You can find 40 more stories at www.thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2018/06/funny-stories/

  • RTW Anna's exclusive badge

    During 4/23/2019 to 4/30/2019, the readers who read the RTW comic's new chapters can receive Anna's exclusive badge!

    Endeavor

    Checked in for a total of 360 days

    Who am I?

    Add email and upload avatar

    Cultivator

    Registered for over 1 years

    Such Wealth!

    Obtain a cumulative total of 1,000 Spirit Stones

Report user

Moments

Pavols: First chinese novel i've read. I dropped and picked this up several times before I fell in love with this wonderful story. WMW is what made me love chinese novels. Only the ending was kinda weak...
Btw, I think the Twilight Zone arc was a f*****g masterpiece!
9.2/10

Warlock of the Magus World
1 week ago

AuthorWiz: It's 1 day till next month, so that seems likely :p

Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C236
1 week ago

Anthonyoak6: Transparency... Thanks

Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C236
1 week ago

AuthorWiz: >Wizzzz, where are the updates?

I've been busy and I gotta pay the bills, and this story, like it or not, doesn't do that. Hence, I'm working on other stuff!

>Wizzz, then why say you are going to update it more often?

I tried to, for a while, but I needed to fix my focus and finish off one of my other books so I could publish it (and make a living!). R:EFN fell to the wayside as I did that.

>Wizzzz, are you giving up on the series?

No, never. It's in its last volume, and I am going to finish it to completion. But it will take time, because this project is being done in my free-time now.

>Wizzzz, why didn't you tell us any of this?

There is no easy way for me to post an update except in chapter form here. I supposed I could've edited the author's note of the previous chapter, but it wasn't like I planned on not posting anything.

Just know that the story will be finished, give it a while :s

I won't make any more promises on release dates.

Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C236
1 week ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Crown View More
Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C235
3 weeks ago
Why are you idiots giving him gifts?? This novel is dead. View More
Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C235
3 weeks ago

vikimaniac: That does it. Either he's officially dead or he better be.

Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C235
3 weeks ago

carlostweeter: why? he has lied repeatedly and has not updated in a whole month

Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C235
3 weeks ago

Juggs_Gotcha: I am a Necromancer. I am visiting this work because I feel I am needed.

Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C235
3 weeks ago
exp View More
Way of the Devil · C504
3 weeks ago
exp View More

killer_smiley: xp

Way of the Devil · C504
3 weeks ago

7sins_Lord: Evil spirit world could be plotting

Way of the Devil · C504
3 weeks ago

JcqC: I'd cream all over myself if next chapter opened with "Well I'm already here." from Lu Sheng.

Way of the Devil · C504
3 weeks ago

Alwin: Some people just like to see the world burn.

Way of the Devil · C504
3 weeks ago

Otaking: Is the sound pavilion related to devil emperor Vera, or is it people from Lu sheng's "mom's" family?
Those are the only groups i can think of that have beef with MC, at least out in the open.

Way of the Devil · C504
3 weeks ago
exp View More

RCmHeat: Exp

I’m Really a Superstar · C415
3 weeks ago

mazu1986: This is pure nationalistic propaganda ha ha...I remember being scolded by a teacher for being a fan of kungfu movies...beware foreign values!

I’m Really a Superstar · C415
3 weeks ago

mkscrawler: I see you also read ultimate scheming system

I’m Really a Superstar · C415
3 weeks ago
exp View More
I’m Really a Superstar · C415
3 weeks ago
exp View More

Simon_Liu: Exp

Reverend Insanity · C97
1 month ago
exp View More
Reverend Insanity · C97
1 month ago
wow, this novel is on the verge of dying... View More
Reborn: Evolving From Nothing · C235
1 month ago
exp View More

Pavols: exp

Way of the Devil · C381
1 month ago

Yulbars: It's been that long huh.Lmao,just goes to show how long it takes for the current translator to release chapters.

Way of the Devil · C381
1 month ago
exp View More
Way of the Devil · C381
1 month ago

Dextuary: Yes, yes! He should keep fattening himself and his clan. They will be a great dessert 🍰 when the true invincible Lu Sheng wants to study death blaze. They will help make his spirit much much mightier so he can study easily. What a good homegrown devil sheep 🐑

Way of the Devil · C485
1 month ago

SunWudao: How do you think wine gets better over time?
So the ancient devil should have a wonderful taste since he cultivates himself

Way of the Devil · C485
1 month ago

PjBaek: Trying to boast about his devil skills when our boy Lu Sheng is in the same world? tsk tsk

Way of the Devil · C485
1 month ago

JcqC: Hopefully Lu Sheng can go for the continent soon. Unless he wants to catch a dragon so he wouldn't have to fly there himself.

Way of the Devil · C486
1 month ago
The content has been deleted
Warlock Apprentice
1 month ago
Report inappropriate content
error Tip

Report abuse
Report user

Get More
Payment Method paypal

Please switch to the pop-up to complete the payment.

Earn Rewards

Earn Rewards

Earn rewards

by completing the missions

Complete the daily and EXP missions, as well as every week’s reading missions to obtain EXP and SS as rewards.

Learn more about the rules 1. You can obtain the corresponding EXP and Bonus SS as rewards by completing daily missions and EXP missions, as well as weekly reading missions. 2. The obtained EXP can raise your user level. 3. Bonus SS can be used to unlock chapters, gift authors, etc. They are effective for 30 days. 4. Daily Tasks and corresponding rewards renew daily at 00:00 UTC+8. Don't forget to claim your rewards in time. 5. Weekly Reading Missions refer to the time you spend reading novels and comics on Webnovel every week. 6. The weekly reading time is calculated while your device is connected to the Internet. This might result in a delay of several minutes.

Read longer, Earn bigger

Read on the app and claim your rewards!

Get the App

Read anywhere, anytime