eternal system lover
Checked in for a total of 360 days
Obtain a cumulative total of 10,000 Coins
Add email and upload avatar
Registered for over 1 years
Gredihart: Nah man, he'll meet the original Lucifer Morningstar.Start by Becoming a Mangaka · C967
Uff my fingers are tired hwo did you write all that XDHeartthrob App
Galactic Technological Library · C0
LargeFarva: Because of the LHP, the MC is able to comprehend Kong Ming's chant, making him the fifth possible disciple.
The MC really doesn't have a need for Emperor Kong Ming's legacy, he has the LHP.
Unfortunately, the other disciples won't care, because when they kill another disciple, they gain that disciple's knowledge of the chant.
Like some Highlander ****, there can be only one!Tales of Demons, Gods, and Libraries · C14
LargeFarva: The MC won't get to choose. Emperor Kong Ming foretold that only 5 people will be able to comprehend his chant.
1. The old man in Abyss Prison Realm
2. Kong Ming's descendant (soul finding in the black tower)
3. The unknown being that defeated the descendant
4. Nie Li
5. The MC
Killing Nie Li now would be pointless since he's not comprehended the chant, and the others would destroy the MC at his current strengthTales of Demons, Gods, and Libraries · C14
Tales of Demons, Gods, and Libraries · C14
Mayt: Man this world building is total mesh something he shows China superiority in earth ,that understable as novel is Chinese,but then he goes some random continent as well as as Thier is kingdom and nation ,the hell decide first whether it China or some random wuxia continent he mixed world with wuxia type as he is Chinese he try to show Chinese superiority but in next paragraph he goes back to some random nation I got totally confusedNinth In the World
Galactic Technological Library · C48
Galactic Technological Library · C48
Galactic Technological Library · C48
Mister_Bill: He’s like spongebob, but completely different.Cultivation Mission System · C59
Treasure Hunt Tycoon · C67
Treasure Hunt Tycoon · C54
Against The Gods with an Anime System · C38
GodGoat: The women don't get kidnapped. A copy of them is controlled by an AI. If you could read you would know that.My Exclusive Dream World Adventures
the_game01234567: travel back in time (one use special ability)The Bookworm Teacher becomes a Swordsman
Gate to the Multiverse · C89
Tealcove: No set release date, as I've had these chapters for almost 2 months editing them and adding more.... and currently am finalizing chapter 7.... but honestly, I write when I get inspiration and spend some time thereafter checking through, or researching some thingsStar wars : Champion of the force
SykoNex: Yeah the MCU story will be there but isn't nearly the main story.Morningstar of Sin
Malcolm_Massey: Slice of life with death of loved ones? Are the deaths natural causes or something? If not then that's pretty confusing. Isn't slice of life for when there is no real struggle just everyday normality?Science/Magic
Malcolm_Massey: ---------- SPOILER ALERT--------- X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X. X X One person and one Ai died.Science/Magic
Katia_Ra: Hi there
I hope you don’t mind if I join in : )
So, first things first, comparing mc vol1 to mc vol 2
It worth considering that the environment has changed dramatically.
Vol. 1 he was among slaves, wardens, supervisors and working stuff with some abilities but there was no one who could really surpass mc in his power, especially since he had Synergy to guide and help him.
However, when he gets to the mansion (vol 2) the situation drastically changes. He is among people who are way more powerful than he is. It’s like you played a computer game when you had won and become a superhero (that’s what he was in his previous life) and then you start another game where you are no one and have yet to prove yourself in spite of being a superhero. You see, once you are a superhero, no one can take it from you but you can get into situation where no one cares who you are and will do everything to put you down. What will you do? Kill them all at once? What if they kill you first? It’s another game, after all.
Second things second, as for the little girl... Well…. Many readers notice her actual age but not many remember the fact that the time on that planet is different from ours. If converted to our reality she is 16, soon to be 17. Add to her age her incessant training and talent and certain powers. She exceeded mc in strength and speed when they first met.
The little girl's image may confuse the reader's mind. But it’s no ordinary little girl and your mind should be alert. Some scenes where mc is beaten up don’t actually show he’s a masochist, they emphasize Juno’s power, they paint her stronger than him to show he can do nothing even being powerful and smart in any other situation.
And of course, he can’t just kill her even if he wants to. She is Patriarch’s great daughter, after all. So far, he’s handled her in the way of making her his slave through the formation. What would you do in his situation?Everything will be my way!
the_game01234567: The overall work is pretty good but there is some things that it lacks to stand out. For one, your starting theme is very cliche in which the main character gets dumped by a love interest, which initiates the protagonist to acquire a special ability. In order to amend this error, develop a groundbreaking plot to draw in the readers.The Bookworm Teacher becomes a Swordsman
Wallabalooza: The grammar and spelling is really, really bad. Yes, the author already acknowledged this and asked people not to complain about it, but in the end, it is such a major part of a story that there is no getting around it either way. You should simply not start writing and posting things like this before you reach a basic level of how to present a story.
Somehow you have an editor and proofreader, yet the result is still this horrifying. I can only dread what the first draft is like. My advice to you if you want to keep posting your stories is to look for someone else to edit and correct your chapters, because the one you're using right now is basically worthless.
The content is even worse than the grammar, somehow. A creepy ass guy beats up "thugs" and then proceeds to extremely awkwardly "flirt" with the woman he saved until he got her pants off. That whole sequence of flirting read like something out of a 14 year old kid's fantasies. It has no basis in reality or actual human behavior.
Same with the aunt and mother. They see him naked and just start having sex immediately. It is not only completely childish writing, it is just bad storytelling altogether.
A lot of the fun in a relationship is in the chase, in overcoming obstacles and feeling like you have achieved something when you finally reach your goal. The draw to taboo stories is that there is a sense of danger and conflict even /after/ the relationship has started, that there is some reluctance and breaking of rules.
You ignored all of this. Even if your grammar was perfect, your story would still be borderline unreadable.
Work harder on yourself as a writer before posting things. This right here is the equivalent of a 5 year old making a finger-painting and wanting to show it off in an art gallery. You're just not ready.illicit relationship
Dankurodo: If yes, this novel will go into the droped bin.Adventure of Tomorrow · C19
Please switch to the pop-up to complete the payment.
Complete the daily and EXP missions, as well as every week’s reading missions to obtain EXP and coin as rewards.Learn more about the rules