• Joined Aug 2018
  • Global
  • Secrecy
  • Endeavor

    Checked in for a total of 360 days

    Such Wealth!

    Obtain a cumulative total of 10,000 Coins

    Who am I?

    Add email and upload avatar

    Cultivator

    Registered for over 1 years

Report user

Moments

See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
My Beautiful Commander · C1
10 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
My Beautiful Commander · C1
10 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
My Beautiful Commander · C1
10 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C61
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C60
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Legend of the Gunslinger Mage · C65
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C59
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C57
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Lollipop View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C57
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Lollipop View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C55
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Legend of the Gunslinger Mage · C64
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Lollipop View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C48
11 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C46
1 year ago
Reading Status: C6
I start saying the best point of this novel: the idea behind it. In fact, we have very few novels with a female protagonist in the VRMMORPG genre and this is what attracted my interest in this novel. Although I don't hope for a story at the level of 'Reign of the Hunter', I very like a story in the same genre.

Now we can start with the negative points in the story. First of all, it is the 'Writing Quality'. The grammatic is good except for some typing errors. On the other end, while the syntax is correct, the whole fluidity of the text is absent. This is one of the worst points of the novel because it increases the difficulty of the reader to identify oneself with the protagonist and to enter inside your story. In fact, when I read the novel I felt like reading of a machine which does one action after another without transmitting any emotion or attachment to the characters. In the end, while the reader can easily understand what you mean, it also feels like viewing the story from an external point of view detached from everything that happens inside the novel.

Regarding the 'Story Development', until chapter 6 you center the whole narrative around the ******st action of the protagonist, so the previous life events were only briefly described in a few lines and you didn't even give the protagonist an objective for the present life that isn't the obvious 'revenge'. In order to improve this part, I advise you to read the first few chapters of 'Reign of the hunter' that I personally consider a masterpiece of introduction to a novel.

The 'Character Design' and 'World background' are almost completely absent. The protagonist is described only physically, but the psychological part is absent ( I don't want an explicit description of her mind, but it should be derived from her action and thought, while what we have it is a list of actions and their motivations). The protagonist's parents should be important, being one of the reasons why she isn't happy in the previous life, but you only mention them for their death. You need to introduce them in the current life in a way or the other because they are fundamental for the protagonist state. The next character that you introduce is the protagonist's best friend, but what we know of her is the name and that always follow the protagonist, you didn't even mention her job in the game!!!!!!!! Also, what is the relation between her and the protagonist to follow the latter for 10 years of meaningless work in the game? Furthermore, you didn't give the minimum description for real and game worlds. For the first, we only know the year, neither the city nor the country in which the protagonist lives. For the game world, we know only that it is a fantasy world with magic, you could write some description of world history, its macro-geography, and power structure in the tutorial of the game. Moreover, the first monster that the protagonist fights is said to be a boss in the text while the description defines it as normal, you can't put the protagonist against a boss monster from the start, otherwise you imbalance the game putting bosses all over the place. If you want to write some scenes in order to describe the strength of the protagonist, you should refer to 'Rebirth of the Thief Who Roamed the World' (this is also good reference material for your story of a thief in a VRMMORPG). Also with the first protagonist's attribute screen insert also her skills, otherwise we can't understand her fights, additionally, why does a thief need to have a bomb skill from the start?

This is only my personal review of the novel and the author has the final say in everything, I only hope that hint for further improvement. View More
Goddess Snow
1 year ago
I am happy that my review is helpful to you. I hope that your novel is better than the original. View More

Daoist_24: Dude you are one of the few people who actually help the authors to write and tell us how you want it to be I will try to write the description but I don't want to write fillers or people will rage so I will put as much detail well till the point that it doesn't spoil any future chapters. It is the same as our Earth and in the prologue the world is the same but different realm like heaven living and hell the ruin is in the living realm. Thx for actually giving me good information

Rebirth:Modern day cultivator
1 year ago
Reading Status: C3
The idea is nothing original, you are almost copying 'Rebirth of the Urban Immortal' with slight changes into the history. Here there isn't anything wrong because I also liked the idea behind the original webnovel but its realization was messy and it could have been done a lot better, for the most part. Hence I like your choice to rewrite the novel from zero. But this is the only good point.

Regarding the writing quality, we are good for the grammatic, but the synthesis is all over the place. Especially after the prologue, you write phrase disjointed one to the next, you should try to write more fluidly adding a description to the place or person you are writing, in this way the reader can immerse him/herself into the story and he doesn't think it is a to-do-list.

About the story development, you made some modification to the original story, this is okay. In particular, you introduce the concept that the protagonist doesn't remember immediately all the past events, and I am super okay with this idea, when you are transported millions of years into the past you need a moment to reorganize everything despite being a super being. However the following developments are too fast, you write a new event every line, you should slow down instead. The reader needs to be inside the story and not to see it as a shopping list. The story is not only the events but also the characters and the world in which it is set. And here we have the final two points: we don't know anything of the characters aside from the names and family relations, while we don't even know how the world is, is it the same Earth as ours? or the same as the original webnovel? or are we in the immortal world as the prologue? Because you haven't said if the world of the prologue and the one of the following chapters are the same or not.

So what you have to focus on are the descriptions which are totally absent in your novel.

Continue with your writing and try to improve. View More
Rebirth:Modern day cultivator
1 year ago
Interesting, but the quotation marks are in the wrong places. View More
Let me tell you a story of a great Leader · C0
1 year ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Lollipop View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C0
1 year ago

KareLocks: I appreciate the feedback.
Your going to have to wait for more world building until later, because some key events need to take place. I do intend to have her help the prince, but only occasionally because of future developments. Later on a character will be introduced who will teach her more about the world's 'sense' if you will, but I need to set that characters appearance. Fair warning, I will make this character suffer, and that's because I feel that if she doesn't she really will be a god, and that would be annoying. Key weaknesses will be shown to Nerf her somewhat but you won't get to see it. The King and Queen will appear more however, just wait some more, because events must transpire. This is very slice-of-life because I am still a new writer, and I can't undergo heavy plot and fighting with my current skill or I will choke the novel.

Rose's Reincarnation
1 year ago
Reading Status: C33
The novel is nothing new, we can already understand how the main plot will develop. However the story is still interesting, especially the interactions between the different characters and the protagonist resolves the different situations. So if the novel is more centered on the sub-plot like now it is still enjoyable to read in the free time.
I have to point out that I can't understand is the development during the temporal jump from the orphanage to the school, for first the level of power should be higher considering what is written in the first chapters, also the protagonist organization should be more developed (a powerful information network is the first thing that you need to construct as soon as you have manpower, otherwise your subordinates are only cannon fodder to protect you.) View More
Reincarnated Legendary Contract Killer
1 year ago
Reading Status: C69
How to control and conquer the world while lazing in the bedroom.

Perfect novel regarding writing and story, I only hope for the appearance of a character with a normal mind, but I know that it could live for a few hours with the other characters of the novel. Sometimes I wonder whether the characters are picked up by a book on psychological problems. View More
Advent of the New Age
1 year ago
Reading Status: C75
Finally, a well-written kingdom building novel, a protagonist that control the wars from his study without any superpower. The development of the story and the different characters is constant throughout the story. There aren't any big twists, it is a story that keeps going with its simplicity. View More
Rise of the Lord
1 year ago
Reading Status: C13
The novel is, for now, interesting, different from what I expected from the synopsis. We have the fortunate girl which obtains the instructions from a hyper-powerful master. However, the novel is not center only on the girl and how she become powerful in a modern world, but for now we read about the master, her story and past.

The main problem of the novel is the writing quality. Sometimes the phases are comprehensible, others you have to use some brain to understand the author idea behind the phase construction.
About the story development and world background, the main problem is regarding the part regarding the modern world. In this case we only know that we are near London in England and our protagonist is rich with a company. However we haven't any information on the company and the family (only on the grandmother), we can infer that the company is big from the house. Then, how can she as CEO work when she wants? Moreover, she fainted for a whole day and no one at the company thought to contact her.

Regardless of these problems, the novel is still enjoyable and readable. View More
Ancient Phoenix Modern Life
1 year ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Demon Lord's Reincarnation · C28
1 year ago
In the end we arrive always at the same point, but we are interested in what happens later. View More
The Monstrosity Turned Queen · C0
1 year ago

Lorefiend: overall it's a good story and has big potential, unfortunately it goes through the chaotic spacetime in the void before posted in here, making fellow daoist with low cultivation can't read it after being tainted by primordial law of chaos.....

1 year ago
Reading Status: C2
Sorry, but is this a novel?

The writing is almost incomprehensible, punctuation all over the place, syntax almost absent, uppercase everywhere.

You are not developing a story, you are only enlisting facts without a clear idea and inconsistency in the contents.

Is there any character other than the protagonist? What are the characteristics of the protagonist? We only know that he is strong and want revenge.

We are in a world we the life expectancy is 150 and there are other planes. Stop this is the entire world building. I don't expect much of world-building in a chapter, it should be a progressive thing, but, please, some contextualization is needed.

Please, you have to re-read what you write, and before you write anything, a scheme on the idea that you want to put on paper is strongly needed. This is not only valid for the novel, but every time you write or talk in a formal environment you need to express an idea that is complete and understandable from anyone that read or is present. View More
THE WORLDS BEST
1 year ago
Reading Status: C10
For starter, the story is the same reicarnator novel with the protagonist born with hyper-intelligence, super comprehension and all magical capabilities. However we are not center on continuous fights to become stronger, protect the loved one or revenge, it is a slice-of-life novel in a protected environment with loved ones and the protagonist behaves for the most part in a childish way. This creates a light reading, but at the same time there isn't the problem of repetition of the idea from others that is representative of the genre.

Regarding the writing quality, there are some problematics. First of all in the last few chapters, the introspective thoughts of the protagonists are in new paragraphs separated from the rest of the chapter with the asterisks. This creates a problem with the continuity of the reading, usually the separation of the paragraphs with asterisks is done only when we have a complete separation in the narration with a jump in different a location or time. Moreover, always regarding these 'inner-thoughts paragraphs', it is understandable that you want to write what should be in reality talking to herself, so to create a better effect I think a modification in the punctuation should be needed, the problem is that also I don't know how to do that. As you are writing I understand what you mean only after a re-read of the paragraph sometimes. I don't mean to eliminate these parts, which are important for the story, but a better writing can increase the readability of the story.
Other than this points I don't remember any other problematics with the english in the novel.

On the point of the story development and world background, there exist some deficiencies, which, if they are resolved, could improve the novel. First it is the lack in world-building. I don't want an entire chapter of only world-building but during the chapter in which she read in the library, sometimes it could be inserted inner-thought regarding the continents, countries and history. This can be written using different chapter, especially from the 9-th where she starts to teach to the prince.
About the story development, the problem is the characters usage. In particular the princes (they are two or three? I remember two but in the yesterday chapter they were three), they can be a great source of story. We have children of different social strata that live and grow together, so they interactions and plays with the other members of the caste can cover chapters on chapters, this is a component of slice-of-life which is essential to a story like this and its absence creates a vacuum in the narration. In fact you are limiting the narration only to the interaction of the king and the protagonist, all the other characters, like the mother, the queen and the princes, appear for few phases and are relegated to the background.

In the end I like this novel and I will wait every time for the new chapter. I hope my comments haven't destroyed you, I only hope they can be a source of ideas to improve the new chapters (and you shouldn't listen literally to everything that I say, because everyone has different ideas and mentality).
Thanks to these fullfilling chapters. View More
Rose's Reincarnation
1 year ago
Reading Status: C33
It is a very interesting story, not the ****** fantasy "I am a mage and I will save all". For now we are more concern with the political and social interactions in a big noble family, both on an internal point of view with the two wives and three daughters, but also external with the other important noble families. This creates a novel more interesting and in which we are almost unconcerned in the level of OP of the protagonist power, but what it is highlighted is her level of intelligence and ability of interaction with the other characters of the novel. View More
The Duke's Adopted Daughter
1 year ago
Reading Status: C14
We can finally see a new development for the theme of transmission in a game world. Until now this type of novels was for the most similar from one to the other except for the world background and the names. We have the protagonist, in most cases a famous player, that want to survive in this new world of which he knows the present and future history, in this also saving also the world and a lot of girls. Still, why was he/she transmitted in the game world? And where are the rest of the players?
With this novel, we can finally see the destruction of the model, the protagonist becomes an NPC a year before the arrival of the players, then what can he do? Everything!!! He can practically control the behavior of the whole group of player in doing his work. But then, what is the real world? This question appears sometimes during the novel, different theories were proposed to solve the dilemma, but which is the correct one?
I read the raws until chapter 300, it is very interesting the development, but still, I found some problem until now with the story, however I don't if they are due to the author or the MTL. View More
The Legendary Mechanic
1 year ago
Report inappropriate content
error Tip

Report abuse
Report user

Get More
Payment Method paypal

Please switch to the pop-up to complete the payment.

Earn Rewards Earn Rewards

Earn rewards

by completing the missions

Complete the daily and EXP missions, as well as every week’s reading missions to obtain EXP and coin as rewards.

Learn more about the rules 1. You can obtain the corresponding Fast Passes, EXP, and Points as rewards by completing growth missions, as well as daily missions. 2. A Fast Pass can unlock a chapter (of any price). The chapter will remain unlocked forever. It will expire after 7*24 hours, so don't forget to use it in time! 3. Obtained EXP can raise your user level. 4. Daily Tasks and corresponding rewards renew daily at 00:00 UTC+8. Don't forget to claim your rewards in time. 5. The weekly reading time is calculated while your device is connected to the Internet. This might result in a delay of several minutes. 6. Rewards may vary according to app version.
  • 1. Reward frequency has been adjusted! Receive a reward once you complete two minutes of reading! Reading a single book for 30 minutes earns you an additional bonus.
  • 2. Rewards adjusted! Earn points reading to exchange for Amazon Gift Cards! Coins that never expire! More rewards to come!

Get the App

Read anywhere, anytime

Suggested searches

Press enter to see all results