I love the description! With how bad the years has been, this is like what reality looks like now.
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Fantasy · Barto_D_Raqi
Suggestion one: ' The kingdom around it call the forest 'The Land Of No Return' because the deeper you go, the more dangerous it gets. Suggestion two: 'The kingdom situated around the forest called it 'The Land Of No Return.' Fore the deeper you go in, the more dangerous it gets.
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Fantasy · Barto_D_Raqi
No need to put commas between him and under. Instead, of using commas I suggest the author to use 'and' and then place a commas between voice and but.
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Fantasy · Barto_D_Raqi
'at the guardian' not sure if the author wrote it wrong, but should it be 'in the garden'?
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Fantasy · Barto_D_Raqi
'technically' I assumed instead of 'technology'
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Fantasy · Brandongould
'secred' I assume is suppose to be 'secured' suggestion: Once the necklace was secured, and bag was packed she walked over to Victor, who had created a vast green vortex of green lightning. Emma slowly walked through it, watching the Bridge of Reality disappear before her eyes. I don't why, but for some reason, the sentence still seem weird to me. Another suggestion: Once the necklace was secured with her bag packed and ready. Emma walked over to Victor, who had already created a vast green vortex of green lighting. She slowly follow behind him as they walk into the vortex. Emma turn to gave a last look at the Bridge of Reality, which soon disappear before her eyes.
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Fantasy · Brandongould
Period after 'nodded'
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Fantasy · Brandongould
Period between 'weapons' and 'a sword' If not, it will be a run-on sentences. A bit too long, and wordy to read in one breath.
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Fantasy · Brandongould
I don't think you need to have a comma between 'figure' and 'was', also instead of putting a comma between ' remember' and 'the' a period might be better. There also a few area that needs comma too, For example: ' At the same time, this lithe figure was currently examining the thousands of corpses of the peak experts of various race, that had pursed her for as long as she could remember. The area around her own self was extremely eerie. It had a similarity to the deepest levels of the abyss.
At the same time, this lithe figure, was currently examining the thousands of corpses of the peak experts of various races that had pursued her for as long as she could remember, the area around her own self was extremely eerie, it had a similarity to the deepest levels of the Abyssal Blood Puragtory, in otherwords, a slaughterhouse of the divine.
Eastern · dvces
The second sentences, I suggest something like this: ' His brows tense as he tries to act lowkey when lecturing his little brother. But at the moment, it feels like society are chaining him to stop' - I'm not sure about the part ' society felt like chains stopping him' but in another way I think the author can use another kind of similes or change it entirely, for examples: ' His brows tense as he tries to act lowkey when lecturing his little bother. However, at this moment it feels like his hands are being handcuffed and his mouth muffled, as society tries to stop him.'
Nicolas emptied his glass in a gulp, things were not going to work out with Chase acting like that. His brows were tense, lowkey he wanted to lecture his little brother but at the moment society felt like chains stopping him.
LGBT+ · Chase_Xavier_123
Thank you very much!