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Moments 9
The MC is quickly becoming a little too op, too quickly. With teleportation, intangibility, paralysis, fire, unhealable weapons, he's too strong for most opponents. He can be strong, but being too strong at the start makes it harder to make him relatable. He's going to be able to solve most problems too easily for the conflicts to seem even worth mentioning and readers will find it harder to connect to the main character or care about those conflicts. There's a reason the most popular superheroes have simple and/or weak(ish) abilities. It's difficult to write a good story with a really powerful character that regularly almost instantly develops more really powerful abilities. Sure, Superman is really powerful and used to get new powers all the time, but he had a team of professional writers and he became more popular when they simplified his power set. This is also the reason why lots of people like Batman so much. His lack of powers makes it more satisfying when he outsmarts or outmaneuvers his enemies.
If you don't think this magic suits the MC. Or it spoils the novel. Give a better example and I will change the chapter. Because I'm not sure myself. Or Provide your own ideas.
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
I think him just being able to create and manipulate normal smoke would be useful enough. Block enemy's vision, help him escape from dangerous situations, helping him distract enemies' while he rescues someone. Making him too op will make the story boring. Having most of his skills almost uselessly weak with a few strong one's in the mix will make for a more interesting story and allow for the author to show off how clever the Main Character can be when in a disadvantaged situation.
If you don't think this magic suits the MC. Or it spoils the novel. Give a better example and I will change the chapter. Because I'm not sure myself. Or Provide your own ideas.
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
I'd like him getting a bunch of initially useless skills or affinities for magics from the gatchas at first and have him develop them over time. Maybe diversify with some lightning magic that starts off with just a spark or water magic that he can only create a handful at a time and/or only move it around slowly at first. He could different talent levels for each type of magic and he has to figure out what he's good at and what he's bad at. Some could be okay and he can use in specific situations or as distractions or something while his main focus could be on his stronger affinities (that he's have to guess and check to figure out). To make this fit into the story, you might have to retcon some of his previous skills strengths or say the system gave him an initial boost to learning new skills or something. Also, if you plan on him developing skill from weak to strong, just saying he had a training montage will defeat the purpose of it. Having him slowly develop his skills throughout the story will make the readers feel like he's actually earning his growth and connect with him more.
If you don't think this magic suits the MC. Or it spoils the novel. Give a better example and I will change the chapter. Because I'm not sure myself. Or Provide your own ideas.
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
Ah, sorry. I wasn't trying to come off argumentative, just confused.
ch 16 Chapter 16 [ Edited]
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
Those stories quickly devolve into Edge Lord territory
ch 15 Chapter 15
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
I just realized that this site doesn't like spacing out comments, so it came out like one big wall of text, sorry
ch 15 Chapter 15
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
The extra scene setting made it easier to understand what was going on, but there was too much unnecessary information with not enough important information to make it flow properly. You can describe a scene somewhat vaguely so the readers can fill in the gaps, so long as we have a general idea of where we are and what our surroundings look like. You can add smaller details every once in a while if they're relevant to what's about to happen or to just bring the scene to life a little more, but try to keep unnecessary information short and brief. Generally, in first person, describe what is important to your Main Character. He needs to know where he is, so we need to know too. Knowing who is around him is important to him, so it's important to us (but we should probably only know what he knows with few exceptions). Facial expressions, body movements, and actions are almost always important, so knowing what the characters around him are doing can be useful, but only if the main character notices and pays attention to it, which won't always happen. Generally, if something is somewhat important to the scene or the characters, it can be mentioned, but if its not too important, it should be described vaguely or quickly, no need to dwell on small details too long. The Main character can mistake one thing for another if they don't see it too well and if the distinction isn't too important, they won't bother elaborating or correcting themselves very often.
ch 15 Chapter 15
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
photo means light
Wade was shocked by the skill, or rather its name. He thought it was something in memory or something. According to him, it should be called "Lightcinezis" or something. It's confusing. But the plan to fight him is quite simple. So Wade retreated to the roof and walked to the back edge of the store.
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL
The smoke manipulation is fine, so long as it doesn't get too op. It would make a good tactical skill for him to use strategically, like a smoke bomb or as cover to obscure his enemies' line of sight.
If you don't think this magic suits the MC. Or it spoils the novel. Give a better example and I will change the chapter. Because I'm not sure myself. Or Provide your own ideas.
Im the only Player in DC
Anime & Comics · Kriuswerr_PL