• Joined Dec 2018
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  • Female
  • Thank you for the visit. I hope you like what you read. I tend to frequently edit, so a revisit to a story may be a different read.

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    Published more than 10000 words on Webnovel

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Original Works

  • Zaldizko

    Zaldizko

    Magical Realism

    "I'll find a way to save my brother. Do whatever the hell you want. I'm stealing your guns." Famine is a man determined to save his three brothers after they were tragically separated when a magical fire destroyed their monastery home. He finds himself in a foreign city called Apocalypse. There he falls in with the Evadale Knight Order security group, which guards the Hell's Labyrinth prison facility. The prison's system goes haywire upon his arrival. Amongst prison chaos, Famine learns that his missing brothers are somewhere within the area. He'd do anything to save and reunite his family, even if it meant fighting malignant redback spiders and a mind-sucking demon. The fights he faces may be more than he can handle. This is volume one of the Seriphyn Knight Chronicles. It begins. --- [Readers note: there are some LGBT themes in this story, but the moments and romance is light.]

  • In Anwar's Care

    In Anwar's Care

    Magical Realism

    Neven is a slave girl caught between the desires of her masters and an epic destiny. She was hauled out of the fateful Morsaquis River and surrendered to the Temple of Anwar where she befriends an unlikely beauty named Kalia and Edde who is her stern and wise mentor. The mystery surrounding her memory loss captures the attention of the temple's magician who involves her into his obsession for greater magic, gradually unlocking dangerous parts of her mind. Imprisoned in the shadows sleeps a creature of the underworld, dreaming of chaos and conquest. ★★★ This is volume #4 of The Seriphyn Knight Chronicles. It can be read separate from Zaldizko. This story will have little to zero romance.

  • To My Sunflower

    To My Sunflower

    Historical Fiction

    Hinata is waiting for Eiji to come home from fighting in a war that has now ended. He receives a letter filled with the scent of sunflowers and his lover's tender words. [A/N: A tender shounen ai/boys love story and more set at the end of the Pacific War 1945]

Moments

Yona18: A*** cool

To My Sunflower · C0
5 days ago

kahlilia: this will be another great story

To My Sunflower · C1
1 week ago
Yay! Finally an LGBTQ story on this site that isn't, well, a reincarnated protagonist. Good English, nice pace and realistic characters. Nice support character interactions as well. Thank you! Thank you! View More
Sweetener (Lesbian) · C3
1 week ago
Reading Status: C2
Since no one do, I rate myself and I'm not being modest. I've slaved over these words for six months. This book has been in concept for twelve years. It's a journey itself with a lot of downs than ups.

Writing a story, anyone can do, but writing a book takes commitment and focus. I'm praising myself XD View More
Zaldizko
1 week ago

holachica: The content has been deleted

Indigo Emperor
1 week ago
No problems at all. Writing is a constant lesson since the English language is forever reinventing itself. You do have a good story on your hands and with tighter grammar, it'll only get better and attract more reads. Keep at it :) View More

Overlord_Venus: sorry for the late reply, I'm really grateful that you have taken the time to point out my errors, I'm currently editing my initial chapters during the weekends when I have the time so that they are better presented. I'm constantly learning new stuff everyday, thanks for your help, I'm really really grateful

I Hate Systems · C12
1 week ago

Overlord_Venus: sorry for the late reply, I'm really grateful that you have taken the time to point out my errors, I'm currently editing my initial chapters during the weekends when I have the time so that they are better presented. I'm constantly learning new stuff everyday, thanks for your help, I'm really really grateful

I Hate Systems · C12
1 week ago
I really like the interaction between Enbi Arin, Prakash and Li Qiu. Their characters were distinct as they worked their menial jobs. Well done there.

Enbi Arin is a bit of a hard-nose girl, isn't she?XD. It'll be good to add in some light and shade to her character. Is her thoughts contrary to her outward appearance? Or does she fidget on the spot when she's nervous? It's good to see other sides of her, so she doesn't appear one sided all the time.:)

There is quite a bit of grammar fixes required. I wouldn't rely too much on Grammarly to catch them all, but they should help you with closing the dialogue. I noticed that you had numerous errors with dialogue formatting. So, below is some feedback on this. I hope it helps.

[“yeah push them a bit to the right and stack them up on top of each other” instructed Enbi Arin.]
Capital on 'yeah' in “Yeah push them a bit...”. Full stop at the end of the dialogue. Capitalise the word, “Instructed”, since an action follows the dialogue.

I've noticed that a lot of the dialogue is not closed off with a comma or full stop. Also, if you use a full stop because the sentence following the dialogue is an action, the next word needs to begin with a capital.

["...Aren't you stronger than me? You..."]
Aren't you stronger is a question and a different condition to the following sentence.

From dialogue, "Big bro you look pale" to "Wuwu, my cute little brother is bullying me.....", I have no idea who is talking.

You need to add the character, so it's clear to a reader who the voice belongs too. Generally, the flow of conversation is as follows:

"Speaker One is talking," said Speaker One.
"Speaker Two is talking," said Speaker Two.
"Is that so?"
"Yes it is so."

Since there are only two speakers talking, you can continue with just the dialogue. As soon as another character enters the conversation or the event changes, is when you'd need to add in a reminder of who is speaking or doing what.

"Speaker One is talking," said Speaker One.
"Speaker Two is talking," said Speaker Two.
"Is that so?"
"Yes it is so."
"Hey guys! What's up?" Speaker Three intruded on the conversation.
"Oh, it's you again." Moaned Speaker Two.
"What's with the attitude?"

You're on to a good start with the story. Keep writing and polishing your gem.

Thanks for sharing.
[**: Sorry for the long comment , but I was responding to your forum post on review/feedback. Cheers.] View More
I Hate Systems · C12
1 week ago

harvesh: Good morning

Zaldizko · C0
2 weeks ago

harvesh: Hii

Zaldizko · C0
2 weeks ago
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