Tonukurio

It's what some of the more professional and published authors used to call 'pantsing' or writing by the seat of your pants. I am also that kind of writer. I'm not so good with outlining and sticking with outlines, but sometimes, for more complex stories, it needs to be done. Or not... Going off on tangents is fun too... Or you can do what I do and write multiple versions of the same story and force someone to read them all and tell you which parts of which versions are best and stick them together (I have no one to help me, so I force the AI to help me. It's not gonna complain). As for learning to improve your positive criticism skills, this is a learnt skill acquired through much practice. You practice at home on your family, even when you want to make mean and cutting remarks or want to be blunt and direct. Although sometimes, I still think blunt and direct is the most direct way of getting your point across. But then people get angry and hate you, so... in order to maintain relationships and keep friends, various skills of how to talk about a topic must be learned. So... start practising at home or with good friends on the most forgiving of people who know what you're trying to do, is the start. Then when you have a measure of control, you start practising on other people. Classmates, colleagues, people who also understand what you are trying to learn and are on the same path of learning as you. And don't forget the random strangers you meet, you can practice on some of them, because if you get it wrong, you can apologise and run away quickly and hope you never meet them again. Yup... It takes guts and years and years and years. There are people who are natural at positive criticism and while I envy them, to be honest, our more rocky self-learning journeys are much more interesting in a way. Story worthy, you might even say, because then when you write about a person's struggles, you know exactly how to write it and where it hurts. And in the process, you will learn about yourself. And about how the small, insignificant, insecure you is able to have character growth that you can use to bring characters in stories to life. And somehow, somewhere along the kine, you stop caring about the staring and judging eyes and somehow discover you are more confident than you were last year. That you are a better and more positive person (that has depths). And that your positive encouragements can help bring out the best in people and encourage them, which in turn, encourages you and you can pass more love around. Yeah. Sincerity. Pay it forward. Something like that.

No worries. If I am helping someone edit here, it's because I'm bored of my real work and I'm doing this for fun. You're a good writer with good instincts. Treasures like you must be cultivated for the improvement of novel writing on the whole. The less trash I read, the better. Besides, this is also another way of honing language craft and word smithing. A writer must also learn to critique in a way that is acceptable, relatable, understandable and encourages growth. This is another kind of writing practice :) Don't feel bad. I'm kinda broke and wish I had people to help with my stories too, but I haven't gotten back to my own stories for a while to re-edit them. Did you know, once in a while, WN stuffs up all your formatting and you have to go back and reformat and fix everything again? And then, while you're reformatting, you discover heaps of mistakes that just make you feel depressed and after a while you get tired of it and just drop it for a while... sigh...

Also, writing about psychological changes and from a certain psychological standpoint is really difficult. It's a really fine line to walk and know how much is too much or not enough to write. If you really want to go into the psychological side, I wouldn't rely on AI the way you have been doing so far. It would be best to write it yourself. But be careful. Your own mental health is also important. If you go too deep or too far, you can hurt yourself. It can also hurt readers and affect their mental health too. Since you have different POVs built into your story, if things are getting too much from a first person perspective, switch it up to someone else's POV to continue the story and show how demented or broken they are through their words and actions. When in first person and going down the mad route, for your own sanity, hinge all their logical or illogical thoughts on one or two lies that feeds everything else. It's easier to stay in control as the writer when there is rationality in the irrational. I would recommend changing how you use the AI. Rather than having the AI write for you, I strongly recommend asking the AI, if the character has this problem, would they do or say this or this? Which is more believable? If character thinks A, what action would they take? Then, you run your writing through the AI one chapter at a time and ask it to pick up your mistakes or inconsistencies. The AI is not always right though, so take the AI's answers with a grain of salt and search on the internet for information to back up what the AI might suggest or recommend, especially when related to mental health. That way, you'll build a personalised voice and path for characters to take that you know intimately and it will sound more real than if you let the AI do it for you - but this takes a lot of a lot of time. Anyway, you are right. Slow down. To do your story justice, don't rush. Do your research. Build your character back stories and don't let the AI put things in that we aren't supposed to know yet. You control the story yourself, because your instincts are right so far.

Also, what kind of feedback regarding errors or edits would you like? Do you want me to pick all the ones I see up? Do you want me to just point out there is a problem here but keep it vague so you can work it out yourself? Or do you prefer the spoonfeeding kind where I point out specific errors and give A, B, or C suggestions (I wouldn't do this all the time, as it is very time consuming). Everyone prefers different kinds of feedback. Which kind do you prefer? Or shall I just use my own discretion?

I see what you mean. The last few chapters were kind of intense always trying to ramp up but unable to really go anywhere, resulting in a weird sense of what is going on. To be honest, I skimmed the last few chapters, it got a bit too much of the same intensity that made it become boring. You could cut a lot of it out, because some of it is just repeats of him trying to convince himself or others. Recommend using ups and downs in the mood and atmosphere. You did try some of this, but the nuances and the fluctuations of mood/atmosphere weren't quite big enough. The part where he decides to go to sleep in depression was pretty good, but a little too much repetition in some places still. He does his mad thing, goes on a rampage - doesn't have to just be him internalising or talking to her - it might be something silly he does to make her smile although she can't see of her it. He does it because he wants to sweeten her sleep or ease her pain, so she dreams of beautiful things while she sleeps. He has episodes of clarity, doing mundane work of running a kingdom despite his desperation for her to wake. He wants her to wake to a happy, peaceful and whole kingdom so that she doesn't hate him so much for not listening to her. He's pulled in multiple directions in how to run the kingdom. Maybe in the middle of a hearing, he'll just get up and walk out because he can't take it, but explain to the relevant people in such an endearing way that they don't see it as rude but sympathise with him instead. And this spreads rumours about him - or he passes tasks onto the relevant people and people say what a good ruler he is because he knows how to delegate and allow people to be praised where they shine. Or maybe he makes a big mistake and haas to resolve it. He might bathe her and comment on the beauty of mundane things or just sit and suddenly notice the slowness of time. Dust mites in a sunbeam. The silver reflection of a pitcher in a moonbeam. The flutter of a breeze, lifting her hair. He might take her out into the garden for some sun and have a picnic with people or do something in a way he knows she would have loved. Lots of options if you want to make the story longer. I also have to admit, people calling the fool/jester's name but his name never actually being mentioned kind of annoyed me, although if you wanted, his name could be woven into the story from the beginning with the final reveal of his name at the end when she calls him awake a possible line to enrich the story. There were a few branches your story could have diverged to but that you didn't take. eg - Veyra tells the fool/jester how the poison is made - she offered to do it, so he could have taken the recipe and used that to develop an antidote. You could then have him going on quests trying to trace ingredients and make an antidote, rather than just devolving into madness. - What did she dream and hear while in poisoned coma? Did she know what he is doing? Does she dream of her working her way to acceptance? Does she lead an army in her sleep? Does she dream a completely different story with themes that still parallel the current one? Does she dream memories? - Fool/jester's path and history into madness could be told in retrospect during quiet times, while he reflects on himself and his actions and what he could have done better or worse. How did he become such a schemer and fighter or choose to become a fool/jester and what strings he pulled or people he killed to obtain the position. It's mentioned but glossed over. Doesn't need big detail, but this could take up just as many chapters as the actual story. - Her retrospection could happen too. Is there anything she could have done to have possibly changed things? - Veyra's POV would be interesting to go down too, to see how she became this poisoned, power hungry villain - King's POV would be good too or someone's perspective and observations of him and his choices and actions or inactions, so that he's not just