Sad_Dad - Profile

At-the-standard for world building, nothing exceptional. Has Gu, much like reverend insanity, but they are not at the center of the martial arts in this, as from the first 20 or so chapters, no one but the MC seems to have any. Importantly, whatever the update schedule for this, you may be best served if you only read 1 chapter per day, or space them out as needed so you forget what's going on in the story, because if you don't forget, the chapters will remind you of everything each chapter. It is excessively repetitive, and frequently will pull things like "he beat cultivators above his cultivation. he was able to contend with those stonger than himself. this meant he could beat people he normally could not." If that^ reads poorly to you, I really can't say the style of this story will treat you much better. TL;DR Entertaining, headache inducing repetitiveness (personal experience)

I can excuse not understanding that a name doesn't become confusing just because it's from a different language, but the real tipping point that shows this is not an intelligently written story is that the author believes that a skill with a 7 day cooldown after it's used once, can be used twice in a period of seven days.

Ok, coming back to this, it looks like I answered most of what I felt should be, other than a small point on ellipses and pacing. The ellipses work well when they are giving a joke room to breath, and making appropriate pauses, but in the r-18 scenes, it feels off to have describe him going hard then her feeling great... the best she's ever felt. It works great as a moment of silence for comedy, but it's distorting the perception of the pace of action the r-18 ones, moreso than a comma or exclamations would. The only time that I had an issue with pacing was the part of V. 2 where his goal is stat growth, so he heads to class to learn at hyperspeed with the boost, and then sets up the teacher, the group, the project, and I'm ready for this to go on for a while, and suddenly theres a date with Katie. I don't remember it being set up, but since it seems like something exciting for our mc, it would have been reasonable to remind the audience of it coming up, with him thinking about it, rather than only thinking of it at the end of the previous chapter. It's a jarring shift, and what made me stop reading, in addition to the ellipses filled erotica that occurs soon after. I'll try to get though it, as I really appreciate the effort you've put in writing this and responding to concerns.

This book is frustrating for me, because while it's written just fine, it's just not engaging. It takes quite a few concepts done adequately: the comedy; smut; system-progression; and the plot, "Woo women or die", puts them alongside the pickup artist information and interpersonal interactions, which are done very well, and tries to juggle the whole mess, riding on a character who is scraping the 4th wall without breaking it fully. That disengagement that the protagonist views the world with, as just a story, makes me uninvested in the story, because it keeps reminding me, "This is a book, Wow! check out that archetypical development! Guess I know where this is going." And yet this character that grinds against this wall never actually goes the distance to address the audience in an assured way. If he did, then it might be more relatable, because it would be both you and the protag viewing it together, with an awareness of eachother. It's a shame that the only relatable character is also the one who looks at his world as a story. It is a very detatched story. The comedy, when it is jokes during a conversation, told to another character, or situational comedy that actually has characters responding to it, ranges from ok to great. The "jokes" the mc says to himself, the "pun" achievement names, and the parody songs are meh, excluding some reactions to the songs. So since jokes are usually things you tell to other people, it should be fine? No! The mc is constantly making jokes to himself. I'd love to get counter jokes, or just reactions, but instead we have what amounts to "get a load of this guy" being sprinkled thoughout scenes. The smut is very... vanilla? It doesn't get particulary detailed, other than about 4 descriptive terms. Wet, tight, hard, soft. That's about it, and it's boring. Get detailed, please. More feelings than just tight, more detailed smells than "sweat" and actual smells rather than "bittersweet", which is very much a taste, and confusing to consider as a smell. The overuse of ellipses and the short paragraphs causes the tempo of the action to stutter. MANY of the ellipses could be replaced with commas, or almost anything else. It works in the speech, but why are you using it in descriptions? You can say that there was a delay of somekind, if that's what happened, but as much as that would increase character count, so does using an elipsis in place of a comma! The descriptions of pickup technique seems great. Very reasonable stuff (not that I have a good way to apply it during a quarantine) and written in such a way to convey information without feeling like walls of text to break through. This way of conveying information well leads into the excellence in character to character communication. That interaction is interesting, because you have two of these otherwise 2 dimensional characters bringing out something with eachother. When they aren't actively in a conversation, they feel like cardboard. And it's really strange, cause most of the conversation introduced characterization feels like a joke afterwards, and they're back to flat. I feel thatthe story would work better if it was more focused. The motivating goal of "don't die" isn't great. It's not definitive, and the side goals are distracting, rather than supporting. I stopped when his goal is get stats up, but that sidetracks into catching up on classes, which focuses on a group project? And then that is interrupted by a date and *** scene really early on. The pacing is off. This might be enjoyable in the way a b-movie is, as a simple story, t-n-a, and some funny scenes, but where a movie is turn on an go, you have to engage with a book, and this doesn't get that engagement.