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So... Cassia is a tsundere? Kinda acted like one there.

Given that you drew some attention to Oryn's other sword, are we going to find out what's about it anytime soon?

Also, another round with Fyropea? That was way sooner than I expected, given that they fought agaisnt her only a few chapters ago. View More
Champions Rise · C10
7 months ago
This was a very interesting and enoyable chapter. Definitely a step up from the one before. The backstory and lore of the demihumans is really interesting and well thought out.

BTW, did you come up with the term "kemonokin", or did you borrow it from somewhere else? I don't think I heard it before.

So, Fyropea and Castus are lovers? Though, given his men's dislike of her, I wouldn't be surprised if a few turned against him.

Good job overall. Can't wait to see how it follows. View More
Champions Rise · C9
7 months ago
Pretty good chapter as usual. A couple typos here and there, but you're getting better.

BTW, any plans on fleshing out the demihumans? Because I have the feeling that they're just there. Even if they did help Casia and the others, you haven't give us much reason as for why they're traveling with Casia's group, or what do they plan to do. View More
Champions Rise · C8
7 months ago
Argh, sorry for not commenting earlier, but these past two days have been insane. Anyway, now I'm finally up to date!

So, we learn a bit more about Oryn's backstory, though we still don't know why his head is such a mess, since he appeared to be relatively sane in the flashback (or else I doubt they'd allowed him to join the Watch).

I don't know if it's just this chapter or if it happened in other chapters and I didn't notice, but you tend to repeat words in a single line. For example:

"Looking both sides of the road for a place to pull over, Oryn tries to find somewhere secluded to stop off road."

"The two Tiger-like demi-humans jump down from the wagon, and start sniffing the area as they walk around cautiously checking the area. "

In the first stence, you could have replaced the first "road" with "path", "way" or "pathway", while in the second you could have replaced the second "area" with "zone" or "place". Try to use synomyms more often in order to make your lines less reptitive. View More
Champions Rise · C7
7 months ago
And thus, the fight comes to an end. I think you made the right call by not splitting the chapter again. Otherwise the story would felt really dragged out.

Once again, you really shine when you come up with abilities that are original, interesting and fun to picture in one's head.

I'm guessing that the next chapter will deal with Oryn, since he's the one with most questions regarding his persona right now. View More
Champions Rise · C6
8 months ago
As per usual, a really good and enjoyable chapter. Though, unlike the previous one, I would have preferred if we had the whole battle against Fyropea in one go.

Good to see Oryn back, I was wondering where did he go, given that he wasn't seen at all during the previous chapter. So, what exactly did Castus promise Fyropea in exchange of her services?

Though, I must say, I noticed more spelling and grammar mistakes than in the previous chapter, such as one paragraph saying that the witch had "little skin with a sword" insetad of "skill", or "pressing against Elain who blocks and parries with her ease"; other than that line could have used a comma between "Elain" and "who", I feel the last line should have been "who blocks and parries her with ease". And there many more mistakes like that in other parahgraphs.

Still, it was an entertaining chapter. The fight was good, and you had all three fighters use their powers and skills in imaginative ways. Can't wait to see the result of this fight. View More
Champions Rise · C5
8 months ago
I know, I saw them on deviantart and left a comment on each. View More

mattwilson83: https://***.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=73929714 I made 4 character sheets on pixiv/DA and I made a cover (which you can see on this site)

Champions Rise · C4
8 months ago

mattwilson83: https://***.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=73929714 I made 4 character sheets on pixiv/DA and I made a cover (which you can see on this site)

Champions Rise · C4
8 months ago
Yes, another chapter!

The fight scenes were pretty good, it was easy to picture in my head what was going on. And we finally get to know the witch a little better. So, her name is Fyropea, that's quite a mouthful. And nice alliterations on her titles. I guess she's the "boss fight", so to speak.

I think this was a good point to cut off. Fighting the witch so quick after fighting the soldiers would have been exhausting.

BTW, the chapter is titled "Attack at the Midway Inn". Wasn't it named "Midcross Inn"?

BTW, given that you draw so well, would be possible to get some official art on the characters? View More
Champions Rise · C4
8 months ago
Well, it's difficult to read in the sense that, since I'm used to read in past tense, both actual novels and fanfics, it feels really weird to read it in present tense. And like I said before, the entire narration should be written in past tense, not just flashbacks. That way, you can avoid mixing up dialogue and narration as well. View More

mattwilson83: She does have a name, yes. She just hasn't introduced herself yet.

As for the tense, I tend to shift around.

What I try for, is Past tense with flash backs, or remembering things, and present tense for what is currently happening at present.

Is it making it difficult to read? or are there parts where past tense should be used?
I am trying to get better, so any info I can get is very helpful, even if its on peoples preferences.

Champions Rise · C3
8 months ago
This part was more interesting. Hope to see more of Oryn and his weird mental condition, plus we also saw the Witch in action again. Does she have a name? Or is she going to be just "the Witch"?

Now, something I need to point out: why is the narration in present tense? In novels, narration is always in past tense, even when you're using first person POV (hence why it's called "narrative tense" as well). View More
Champions Rise · C3
8 months ago
Well, while not much has happened in this chapter, I can notice that your writing has improved some. Nowhere near as much grammar or spelling mistakes, and setences are better structured. Guess that, since you're so used to writing comics/doujins, you'll need some time to get used to the change of format.

So, on top of humans, this world has demihumans as well, kinda like Rising of the Shield Hero. Wonder what other races are as well. View More
Champions Rise · C2
8 months ago
Well, not bad for a start.
Like other comments said, you should get an editor to fix the grammar and spelling. Some sentences are in the need of comas as well.

Anyway, the story has promise. I'll be looking forward the next chapter! View More
Champions Rise · C1
8 months ago
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