Techno_God - Profile

To continue with the above topic, instead of writing interruptions in the dialog, it could be something like this. So and so listened as the MC talked but soon became irritated with his ramblings and cut him off. "Get to the point, what is it you want." MC didn't care about his irritable nature, he was used to it and simply got to the point with a slight smile. "So, let's get burgers and fries."

It's an enjoyable read. I was a little worried at first when the MC started acting like a lil bitch but it quickly turns around and doesn't dwell on it. Those who don't like pussy MC just give it a sec and it gets better. The only problem I have is the dialog. The descriptions can aptly describe the characters but once a conversation starts I find myself getting lost a bit as it doesn't have any descriptions and all I can picture is them standing there with wooden faces talking one line after another. It's like there's no reaction to what the person said but the next line of dialog comes. Instead of a description it just has an interruption written into the text. For example, the MC can say something to Klause but instead of Klause's reaction to whatever was said the text would be interrupted and Klause starts talking then the MC talks again. It reads like someone on the phone instead of a face to face conversation.

This is probably the worst MC I have ever read about. The author tried to write about someone impulsive but he just comes off as retarted. Even worse is how pathetic he is, who wants to read about an MC that has done nothing but lose since the moment he came into the world? He is a loser who has no redeeming qualities and makes it impossible to like or even care about. Even the Joker has charisma or at leat a trait or goal that makes him a likeable character but the MC has nothing. The worst part is the other characters in the story are brilliant and the MC himself brings down the whole story. If the MC wasn't in the story this would be an excellent DC novel.

That's good, this story is really good and I hope it's longer than your other side character stories as TVD has a lot of potential to be tapped.

Everything you just described is so BORING! Why travel around TVD world to find different witch covens to learn magic when the system will just give it? Why get involved in the plot when you can just go into the dungeon to get more powerful? Why make your own magical items when the quest will just give them? Is the system going to fuck her girl too? Why travel to another world when the system can just give everything from that world once you choose a class? It only takes 3 characters to make the entire Harry Potter world useless, will the next class give out 6 infinity stones or the mother box? God forbid she go to those worlds and get them herself, that would be too much plot.

The whole point of you choosing Legacy was the fact it was safe. You say there are people in this world that can hurt MC? Good! That's a reason to get stronger! You just took that entire plot out at the beginning, a normal gamer system is overpowered as it is, you just shoved a bunch of shit down her throat and removed all motivation and conflict out of the story. We could have seen a story about a girl reborn as a witch with a gamer system. Using the ability to learn quickly as a gamer she could have relied on her own magical ability to become a tribrid or something. Instead, we get a story of a girl who was just reborn, because it may be dangerous we need to boost her to be the most powerful in the world before she even meets or interacts with another character in the story. With this system, she doesn't even need to leave her house, good that way she will be safe.

The system is disgusting, the quests make the MC seem like a puppet, the dungeons make the world travel and any participation in the current world useless, and the classes also make the entire story pointless. Why participate in the world and find ways to get stronger when the system will just give it to you, it makes the entire premise of the story and traveling to other worlds pointless. The levels are fine but it should be based on skills she has and practicing to level up, that way she can get stronger faster. The MC of this novel is the system because it does everything and anyone can achieve success with it, the MC has no sense of participation in the story and can be replaced with a pig. Whats the point of picking the world and family if shes just going to be a Harry Potter wizard, you havent even explored the magic of this world.