Moist_Yoda - Profile

I'm at chapter 30, i would like to ask does with your later chapter with system change a bit cause the system so far doesn't feel good or fun it's a very Bland and boring. it feels forced sometimes and that it's the only driving factor in the story. like if you took out the system. your mc doesn't really act on his own, I understand that mc doesn't want to change the story. this is fine when with a system that's interesting and fun, doesn't feel so static and boring. I will need to reread around 27 and up 30 as I wasn't paying as much attention. I was half a sleeping during them. another pain point is how eren is around girls. it's like his a shut-in kid more than an adult. have you heard of the song jizz in my pants by lonely Lonely Island cause that vibe he gives off. romance up, this point hasn't been good or fun. since this is tagged with the Harem route, you should really space out the girls more and give the girls more spotlight and build them up as Characters. don't add to many of them. Adding to many just means you can't fully flush them out as characters. this might not be an issue with you yet. but it is getting concerning. I had to many stories here so far where they throw 10 girls at you in the first 100 chapters. every girl has the depth of a paper towel, and the stories become worse.

all good brudda

I'm going to apologize, I was already drinking, and webnovel kinda started blending into the same Slush for me. honestly, it is getting harder to pay attention sometimes. I think the novel I was reading before was a complete mess. mc was called Wu Ying. his Gender kept changing, and his name kept changing. Example wu Ying would become tu Ying. then back to wu Ying then back to uy wing, yu wing wuting , etc and even sword would become sworp and another story Randomly put spaces in words every time. dull sw ord, with Eren and Ren, be so similar when i zone out when reading that I thought you had the same issue. as this issue with quite a few other novels. though probably still would get a little annoyed and but i would be more upstanding. as even switching back and forth name are bad Experience when done to quickly . Demonic sect elders cultivate righteous disciples on royalroad does something similar, it might not be the best example, but it was the first thing of recent memory something similar. it helps both names aren't similar, and how they write makes it easier to distinguish them about. I'm going to have to check the story again. removes some comments. this definitely improves it a bit.

I probably could have worded this better, and I'm sorry if i was too harsh

is his name Eren or Ren because you kept changing it. also, the translation randomly drops off a cliff. overall, it's pretty bad or mid Translation. bad translation, really Ruins reading your story. I can't give it a higher rating. if the translation improves, I will come back and review it again. when I review, I'm normally mad or annoyed, which isn't fair to the writer. so I'm trying to be nicer. I will add two points: one, don't say your mc smart, let his actions speak for them Self. as it's annoying when a writer tries telling how smart they are, and later on, they can't rub two brain cells together. this hate comes from a story where the writer tells the mc has crazy high iq and was a number one genius, but he couldn't figure out how using lightning powers in water would hurt him. this less of you thing, and more of bad experiences when writers tell you their mc is smart. two, please try to make the system less in control, as in this story, when the system is determining all his actions, it really removes any agency from your mc. it also removes any chance for your mc to show his smarts. one of the better ways I have seen it. was the system give him Example 1 accept Disciple or 2 Reject disciple. doing 1 gives you a sword 2 gives you the pill. the system doesn't tell him how to do it. it will also reward or lessen his reward based on how well or bad you do. this is just one way you can give agency to your mc. again, this isn't the only way. but at the moment, your mc feels like he doesn’t really matter, and the real mc is the system, and your mc is supposedly really smart guy, but at no point does he feels like it. he feels as smart as your typical mcdonald's work. if you told me he was a fast food worker who loves novels, I would believe it more. this comes down he can't show off any intelligence you would expect from him. nor does he do anything intelligent. nor is he driving the story. jackal among shakes was good because he used his knowledge, and you felt it. this isn't the best or worst I've seen, but it's world better than what you have so far. because you're strangling him with how you're writing the story, I will give you two thumbs up, though. one, your mc isn't really annoying, nor is the story telling me china is the number one. The USA is number one, Russian are the real bad guy. blah-blah, you get the idea nationalist and politics are annoying and tiring. only a few times, they can be good, but this comes down to the story and writing. I write this because of all books with hyper nationalist and real world politics both in webnovel, royalroad, and other places, like I just want to watch/read guy Supplex a dragon. not foxnews. I will keep reading. I just hope this story doesn't go down the hyper nationalist route. I'm going to apologize in advance as I wrote this really late, so I'm afraid this is more of me ranting than a good review. last thing I will say is kept up the grind and good work.

thank you, my brudda. I hope you find some good stories on this website.

man, those 10 books you read must have been trash for you to defend this. maybe you need to get better taste and stop defending laziness.

that is just a shity excuse for one if your author who uses this website, knowing the translator is bad, that is still your problem. you chose to use this website. again, this is just laziness on the author. I saw a few authors on this website edit their work fixing its problems. if the website is stopping from fixing their problem in any way. quess what that's their problem again. as they chose this website instead of one that allows them to edit or have a better translator. nothing you said isn't the author failure to make something actually good. I'm sorry that other people who don't know any english still actually put effort into their work to make translate it correctly. I'm so sorry that you have never seen a writer actually make sure their work is translated correctly. again, I don't need to be 5 star Cook to know that Serve Stale burnt food is bad, nor do you need to 5 star Cook to know not serve rotten food. but I guess if you're brain-dead, you might think that. And i don't need to be a writer to know I should make sure my story is readable.

this best rating i can give as the story was just garbage. The first problem is grammar. the second is writing quality. the third is repeating sentences just to fill the word count. which shows lacking skill in writing and shows us, the reader, you don't care about our experience. if i was told this was written by Ai, I wouldn't believe them as even bad ai can write better. this isn't 10 years ago. You have every tool available to make a story with good writing quality. if you can't afford an editor, guess what's been made recently. yes, that is called Ai, and you can go use chatgpt to check for any spelling mistake. here's a prompt you can use: "Check for any spelling mistakes." Which is one of the many Prompt you can use to Improve your story. You have so many tools at Your fingertips that it's maddening when you say murder instead of failed assassination Attempt. Character is he in one Sentences, then the next is a she. This simply ruins the flow of the story. There are so many issues at point. this author just needs to hire an editor or actually put effort into his writing. cause I put more effort into this review than the author at this point. to see such lazy writing is just appalling. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. but at chapter 75, which I paid for and believe when say, "Don't support this author ever!" okay, little Harsh, but until some big changes in overall writing quality and overall story telling. I will keep saying not to support this author.

the review who said to turn off your brain, you really understated how badly you will need to turn your brain off. I felt like I had gotten brain damage from reading this story. I have no words then to describe this story other than pure brain damage

after reading more in which i lose brain cells. I can say definitely this story is garbage and isn't worth your time. I might have been last Harsh if webnovel didn't recommend this garbage.

I can't tell if this is simply amateur writing, bad translation, or this was written by Ai. if it's amateur writing, hopefully you will improve. if it's a bad translation, it will hopefully you can fix it. if it's ai, please do a little bit of editing because the ai isn't that good yet and still needs a human touch and editing.

this story doesn't have the best story I read nor the best writing. but this author does know how to make an entertaining story. which can make up for any flaws they have. which tells me their writing should be able to get better over time. as long they continue to improve their writing and storytelling. few more improvements i could see them on Kindle selling their books. I would recommend this story as you will get a few laughs out of it and will be Entertain

I wanted to like this story, but reading it was painful because of how poorly this was written. I have read other stories with a really bad translation that still has a good story. Despite it having bad translation, this isn't one of them. this story feels like it was written by someone who never took any writing lessons or read a good book in their life. maybe this story gets better, but I'm not going to be paying to find out. I wish the author luck on his writing, and please go read some good books to improve your storytelling

it's not bad but not good either. it's hard to tell how good this story is because it's Translate is bad. so far, this story is around 2-3star. I rated 2 stars because it's really badly translated, or I hope it just badly translates. its writing didn't seem too good, all things considered. but again, this could be due to many translations problems. hopefully, this story can be rewritten or edited as this would be a massive improvement. but doubt it as webnovel, and most of the writers aren't like royalroad writers. who will rewrite parts to improve their story. hopefully, in your next story or later in this one, we can see improvements to your writing or translations.