Atomsphere - Profile

I quite like this. But Berengar needs to train them more. It was great when they sniped the scout. Should have just grabbed this guy here though.

Lol why didn't he run too? Before he could react... you ever see someone start running next to you? You got lots of time to ponder and still start running before miner-bro would get anywhere near far enough away to avoid self-harm.

These end of chapter musings. I see this in novels all the time. Where an author leaves their notes in but tries sell it like a cliffhanger from Rocky and Bullwinkle. The difference between these spoilers and Rocky and Bullwinkle are that most novels forget all of these promises. Even though the narrator spoiled the future, I have heavy doubts.

First of all. Censorship is terrible. But I'd expect nothing more from WN. Secondly, author-bro loves baby blue.

When people are livid, they're angry. When a part of their bodies are livid, it's discolored as if bruised or sickly. Every time I've seen it, it's people just mad in weird situations.

I love how the girl responded. Insteaded of realizing that the bandits came back because her decision and feeling guilt like an adult, she was like "camouflage!" That's exactly how kids I know around her age would have responded.

Them level 3's already. It's been what 2 days to get a month worth of leveling in? Was there something I missed, like specialization greatly reducing experience cost?

If you forget to add things in your info dumps, dont be afraid to go back and add them. A lot of your readers aren't following day to day.

Tfw you got all the math worked out, explain it to the reader and then have the mc skip it.

It'd be more fun if these dead characters caught up and were useful. Dead weight characters that just disappear aren't really much better. I'm seriously tired of these stories that read like single player RPG games made for exclusive Sony/Nintendo contracts.

You slipped back into first person, "Hearing my words..."

Those 2 inch boulders though.

"excluding an air of King." -> "exuding the air of a king."

You should start from the beginning and edit towards where you are now. like OP said, the first handful of chapters matter so much—possibly more than any other chapter. I'm only continuing to give this a chance because it seems like you care about improving and that shows some amount of sincerity. Everyone who drops your novel before it gets edited though is an opportunity lost.

I legit scrolled down to see if the entire novel was in 1st person. Thanks for putting that author note in. Also, an easy grammar update would be to just look for capitalized letters mid-sentence. There's only a handful of cases in which you would have mid-sentence capitals: the pronoun 'I' and the beginning of a question that's embedded in a sentence.

"One could liken the state of his mind to dreaming." The narrator could just 'liken the state' instead of suggesting someone could.