Badges 1
Moments 3
Commented
Ye Chen's name is repeated too frequently. Try replacing him with a pronoun.
ch 0 1 Break up with girlfriends
Journey To Become A True God
Eastern · DarkForces
Commented
Could be improved. After describing a character's appearance, try to describe what his overall appearance looks like by telling what it reminds you of.
A young man also got out of the BMW car, this handsome man with fashionable clothes and a cool hairstyle.
Journey To Become A True God
Eastern · DarkForces
The only problem i have is the character design. Lucy and Alice/Zaori feel like one person. Also, the world background is not properly introduced. But then again, this is a first-person narrative. I'm guessing we'll know more as the character interacts with the world?
Divine Trinity Quest: Into the Server's Edge
Games · Writersoul