I haven’t been correcting anything in a while 😀
This paragraph has been deleted.
The Devil's Ember
Urban · Dabized
I actually fixed that thank you
This paragraph has been deleted.
The Opening Shot
Fantasy · Kari_Chan
Girl he’s both keep reading 😂🤣🫣
So I stay near him trying to pick at him figuring out myself through his words. I stay where I feel safe but yet afraid of this man's past. I stay by him having no choice but to trust him. He knows to much while I know too little. He knows my name when I don't know his. This man is a stranger he may be my curse or he may be my cover. In the end I am learning from him, growing from him, and being saved by his grasp. Being confused by his demeanor having unquired feelings for him. Yet, he is a liar to himself he seals his identity hides in shades of black covers his life's scars. Who is this man, why does he know me? how does he know me? I get tired of the concealing, the false image, and the misconceptions. It's only a matter of time where I am found and he's lost and I find what I am looking for. Myself...
The Opening Shot
Fantasy · Kari_Chan
Thank you
I question myself it's a bit strange a man follows your footsteps, it would make you think. Especially that he tells you he knows you and has heard your story. He knows your past he knows where you belong.
The Opening Shot
Fantasy · Kari_Chan
Oops I accidentally deleted that
Well, I’m glad I noticed it and it’s OK if you can’t reply to every comment just as long as that helps you edit. And you’re right on one thing I have a whole list of peoples books I was going to read and review, I’m happy I stumbled upon yours. If anything else you would like to ask me as well you can just text me from Facebook of course.
I have been reading your novel, and I quite like it. The story building is beautifully written, and how you describe areas around your characters very good. And I actually quite enjoy the conversations between Linda and Caroline with Eric. It’s quite entertaining to read. I would advise you though to write more dialogue, then description to make the book more alive just like someone once told me. One thing you should be more concerned about, is the pacing in your story. I understand you were trying to build it up by chapter 13, which I noticed. But I felt that it could have already picked up when you mentioned about the skull on the door. I can’t remember which chapter it was I believe it was five. But that alone sparked, some interest. There could’ve been more done with that, by building it up from chapter 5, then hammering down with more action between chapters 13 to 18 if you wanted.
I see you fixed it here with the twins dialogue good job
"You guys are early," Eric said, gesturing for them to enter. "Good morning, big brother. Good morning, big brother," they greet in unison.
The Star God Of Ancient.
Fantasy · Mukesh_Dhami
Caroline stared into my eyes
Caroline stared at my eyes, so you want to earn wealth and open business?
The Star God Of Ancient.
Fantasy · Mukesh_Dhami
-
original The Opening Shot
4.63
Avalin is a young woman who has been living her life obliviously. She doesn't know who she is or what the world has become. But what Avalin has always known is the man from her shadows. He follows her consistently even when she is not aware. Avalin has never seen his face; he always hides in the darkness watching her every move. Waiting for trouble to strike just for him to show up in the moment. Avalin never understood his motives or his overprotectiveness. One thing Avalin has found about him is he has too many secrets. So many that even she wants to know. she ends up finding out for herself feeling betrayed by her own protector, but what made her feel this way?33 Chs 30 Collections
- original
A Jump In Reality
"Was there any mistake in your life you desperately wanted to change?" That was the main question that was asked of him every time he finished a mission that was given to him as a spy. He had an answer that was burning within him but he never told. Because of the dying emotions, he had for that certain situation. He never did say anything because certain people were not to be trusted. The woman he gained interest In was in a heap of crimes, she was apart of a gang that was like family. But they had a secret a certain spy had to figure out and it turned out to be him. Stark, he was the best In the business and he was known to crack this case...5 Chs 1 Collections
So you want me to correct or you don’t? I am not trying to annoy anyone so please be clear🥹, thanks
The Devil's Ember
Urban · Dabized