- 0 d Continuous Writing
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Fluffy_Menace
male LV 3I an an imaginative kind of guy trying to bring show it through writing.
2019-06-16 Joined GhanaBadges 6
Moments 194
Something doesn't add up. The story feels disconnected because the mc somehow fails to use the various secret information and abilities to his advantage. It's like he progressively becomes dummer when he's not in danger or on pressure. He has cyberkinisis but gets caught from something as basic as CCTVs, and when that happens he makes a face like it wasn't obvious when she literally told you she can spy on you anytime. He had telepathy but it basically non-existent, if the author doesn't want the story to be reliant on the special abilities the don't hype them so much. it's like love makes him dump....Oooh, I see. So that's what's it's implied here. Everytime he make a dumb move it because of love.
But, unfortunately for you, we now have something very awkward to discuss because of this little incident. We know that Emrys has asked you to spy on us… Oh come on now, Erich, don't look at me like that. The Grand Admiral isn't the only one who has been watching your every move.
Interstellar Age
Sci-fi · Zentmeister
In the Flash tvshow, Barry defeated Gridlock -a metahuman with this kinetic absorption power, at only Mach 2 speed. And his was even more OP. It's not a powerful ability as you think.
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Please, let the dialogue be in paragraphs for easy reading.
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There's always a sky above a sky, so until his last there will be no control over his life or death
He wanted to master the control of his own life.
Demon Sect Cultivation: I Can Disable Debuffs
Eastern · Barber Number2
i just thought of this. Why doesn't the modifier eliminate the effects drawing blood essence has on him and stabilize his cultivation other than the fact that he wants to lay low. Does it response to his thoughts and ideas?
ch 14 End of the Grand Competition
Demon Sect Cultivation: I Can Disable Debuffs
Eastern · Barber Number2
A mark of a true Chinese wuxia story. –A nonsense reason to hold a grudge plus a convoluted thinking .
I wanted to exchange for more demon blood, but I didn't expect to lose so much. I'm at the seventh level of Qi cultivation and am about to become an inner sect disciple. To lower myself like this in front of someone at the fifth level of Qi cultivation is simply a great humiliation. I'll remember this grudge.
Demon Sect Cultivation: I Can Disable Debuffs
Eastern · Barber Number2
That's what it means... sort of.
One is fearical.
[A/N: Before you start reading, please understand that this is a fiction, anything resembling the real world is a mere coincidence, I have no intention of offending any kind of group, this is just a fiction!]
My Three Wives Are Beautiful Vampires.
Fantasy · Victor_Weismann
Something like this.
The sudden loud ring of the landline phone that interrupted Sigurd kept ringing until Dedric walked to the side of the bookshelf where the retro vintage-looking rotary dial phone was and picked up the call.
Attack In Titan
Action · Fluffy_Menace
That's arrogance and not a goal.
How cool would it be if I ran across the battlefield, picking up random weapons and using them on the enemies with a mastery that puts their skills to shame.
Limitless Evolution: The Path To Immortality
Fantasy · Animosity
Speak common English. in other words, explain.
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Almight shouldn't even be afraid or relief. He will be angry at himself for AFO surviving since he's a true hero, knowing many will suffer with his survival
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Infinite mass punch ! The End of the book.
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Don't trip about it FBI dude. Most of us that are being hard about this are either fans of the various Flash materials or read comics. So when inaccurate stuff like this is displayed it doesn't end well. You're writing a fiction not a PG-13 tv series, so those pesky values like nervousness and fear shouldn't take a front row sit in your story. Like comics, explore and expand the speed ability before emotions like fear set in because that way the impact is big when someone SHOWN thinking and reacting at insane speeds are beaten at what makes them... them. Even the Flash TV series let Barry do some cool and nerdy things with the speedforce once in a while before going back to nerfing him for friendship, family, fear and revenge. It becomes a huge payoff when Flash is able to do a speed mirage even when it's not as perfect as Reverse Flash's because now we know he can become faster. Simple, right? Explore and Expand for more shocking moments.
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Yeah. He's not normal, he has an OP ability so write him so. You don't just plaster an average human attribute to such a fictional character. For example. In the old Justice League cartoon Flash was able to think on the fly when for the first time in being a speedster someone (Lex fused brainiac) was serious in killing him while at the same time having the power to do so. He was so nervous and filled with mortal terror that he stopped his usual quips and shivered in fear. it was only for a second but to him and his speedy brain it felt like a day; and he had all that time to figure things out and calm down before finishing the fight with an infinite mass punch. You're giving your MC all this superficial abilities without truly understanding the lore or power behind the main ability. And this led you to what we all see as a NERF.
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The trauma should have come before giving him the ability to think and run at Mach 300. This thinking speed alone makes the whole villain attacking scene feel like a movie running at let's say 100x slower.
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Just a hypothesis. Lotus might have been sent to the Abyss after dying, then took over the summoning ritual after sensing Vale scent on Denise to get back to him.
"Ahh… Lotus?" Vale asked in surprise.
Arcane Academy: The Divine Extraction Legacy
Fantasy · xlntz