iam_tired10 - Profile

That's great to hear it's a good story otherwise.My thing is whenever you imagine an adventurer in any culture they carry a gourd full or pouch with em.Especially sailors and their rum is the stuff of legends.When you are out alone in the dark wilderness a good drink just does wonders.

Him not smoking I can still accept but not even beer come on what kind of an adventurer who doesn't drink any beer.Not cool bro not cool.

where can i find the raw or mtl of this?

A man must be an eunuch especially a powerful man who restricts himself to the whims of one woman.

I suggest using grammarly to write.It helps a lot.

Global Marital sect seriously ? Fix it bro.I think you meant Martial.Marital means marriage.

Good luck with the book but it's just not my cup of tea.I didn't come here to read about goody two shoe naive socialism lovers.But best of luck to you atleast the setting was fresh and interesting.

The huge usage of profanity is not good.If you are seriously writing a fantasy novel be mature about it and use good vocabulary.The constant usage of profanity in every few lines decreases the quality of the work otherwise a great start .Also I need to know if it's going to be a democracy nobles bad novel cause I came here with the title expecting a proper aristocratic structure with monarchy.I have seen all the modern corrupt democracy or ccp for one lifetime in real life.So far in modern world the citizens of monarchies are thriving.

What he meant was it's just a rehash of equality for all purebloods sucks story so far.You don't address the problems with muggleborns at all.They are like colonisers who go to another country and criticize their culture as backwards and barbaric.Also muggles and wizards can't coexist.Muggles if they find out about wizards will use them as weapons or experiment on them.Also wizards have long lives and they have a much more free society so of course they look down on muggles who discriminate on basis of caste,creed, religion, gender etc .Wizards have been all about gender equality from the beginning since there is no concept of physical society there since wands are the great Equalizer.

While the idea is fascinating the whole muggles and wizards coexisting is ridiculous.Humans like to think they are at the top of the food chain if they one day suddenly find out they are not they will either try to control the power wizards in this case or experiment on them to get the abilities themselves.So the whole idea is ridiculous.Also when you see the whole thing from a mature perspective the purebloods had some very good reasons to hate muggleborns.They were like European colonizers who go to another country spit on their traditions and culture as backwards barbaric.So of course the purebloods have every right to be mad.I think only Grindelwald had the right idea his process was too brutal but his objectives were correct.

Your grammar is super bad and your story despite having a decent plot is painful to read through.Unless you get yourself a good editor I don't really see a lot of people paying to support works of this quality.Honest review not personal attack.

would appreciate some world building so far everything has been vague without details or any proper structure.

Better DCEU since I think recently their potential has been stubbed.Dont be copycat about everything I guess.

while I get the character is not shonen naive but no need to make him unnecessarily a sociopath lots of those around already.A normal guy is much more preferable with dreams and ambition as readers can relate to that more.