swords
Hey, your novel is very entertaining, you have timely executed conflict and mystery. And I really enjoy your book. But just one problem. 1.I think using the word ''as" everytime is disturbing the flow of the story. 2."As" is normally used for comparison. And professionally speaking it isn't right to use "as" to continue a sentence. 3.A paragraph is a mixture of sentences. It isn't ideal to have one sentence to fill the whole paragraph. Anyway, you doing a great job with the book. Just my friendly advice...
It was the same for both Quinn and Chris as they had never seen this man before, and he wasn't alone, as a blonde-haired woman and a blond-haired middle-aged pair came out behind him.
Fantasy · JKSManga
This is definitely a good story, very refreshing, a bit bold. the way you express your faith is commendable. I respect that ! sure some might find including God(religion) into a story distasteful or offensive. but we can't please everyone ! so don't try to alter it or change your story because of a critic. May God bless you brother ! looking forward to reading more,
Urban · Melody Pender
Pornographic Content Hate or bullying Release of personal info Violence Spam Other
Webnovel 
Hey, your novel is very entertaining, you have timely executed conflict and mystery. And I really enjoy your book. But just one problem. 1.I think using the word ''as" everytime is disturbing the flow of the story. 2."As" is normally used for comparison. And professionally speaking it isn't right to use "as" to continue a sentence. 3.A paragraph is a mixture of sentences. It isn't ideal to have one sentence to fill the whole paragraph. Anyway, you doing a great job with the book. Just my friendly advice...
It was the same for both Quinn and Chris as they had never seen this man before, and he wasn't alone, as a blonde-haired woman and a blond-haired middle-aged pair came out behind him.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga