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GrumpyGuy

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2020-01-13 Joined Global

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Replied to ChiefGamer
This world is doomed ! :D

ch 733 True Friend (Part 1)

Supreme Magus

Supreme Magus

Fantasy · Legion20

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Commented
This will be the last chapter I will read of this novel. So good luck and hope that you succeed and strive to improve even further in you hoby. Will hope you gain some good ideas from my few advises and get expired from them to work on you skills. Last thing for you to think over about the whole system genre. In my opinion the system should be a writer tool to explain things and give creative moves related to the plot, also be used to analyze, help and advise, instead of do the work for the character. Example, the protagonist is introvert (easy to relate to most readers), the system helps him overcome that to some extend. Main character is average human, a bit more on the weak side so he has stats of 6-10. Then he meets the athletic senior who has stats of 8-10. the Average ***** 9-11 and some proffesional is 9-14. A genious have 9 on average but can be up to 16 in the field of expertise. Imagine how this work and what the meaning of these stats is and how it translate to their usage. Now you cna put other species as well, a bear will have innate strength higher then a human, so it will start from low as a cub but fully grown bear will have STR minimum of 20 up to some number close to that, while dog’s STR is lower, their speed will be higher. Now a system can help the reader and the hero to understand the world and put things in some way easier to get what to fight, run away from and outsmart. Then he will grow with actions and not as gifts, he ages and get closer to ***** in stats, then he do exercises and gain stats. He reaches a ceiling and cannot go further by natural means - good, he should not be superman, he should use his strength in some cases, but not against bear, he should run away from something with his increased speed, but not from dogs, he should outsmart those he cannot fight against, but not someone teo times as smart as him. This is how you put plot advancement, you make the character lose once every two time he wins something. If you wish to make him abnormal, make it a reward for something he did, don’t over do it. if average human is 10, the moment something is 10 000 human is no longer part of the eqasion, you discard ants for the same reason, no matter how smart and advanced they are, you don’t care about their opinion.

ch 05 Successive Level ups in <Minor Sword Mastery>

Earth's Alpha Prime

Earth's Alpha Prime

Fantasy · MN_1223

GrumpyGuy
GrumpyGuy
Commented
The story become too generic. RPG type. that’s terrible, youngsters don’t get that RPG games with their statistics and stuff try to emulate real world and put it infront of you easy to understand, but are limited by the technology to emulate it perfectly. “System” novels are moving the opposite direction, away from realism and towards computer game. I bet you (the author) are RPG fan, which is good, but have you played great RPG games or have you played popular one only, do you understand the underline meaning of those games. Try playing few “dungeons and dragons” tabletop games, then play “d&d” PC game and then listen to some d&d story in youtube. Compare what you see in the three instances and understand the whole meaning of RPG and how a story should be told. Also stats definition in this part are clear and yet terrible, inspire yourself from games and their stats - games like d&d, fallout (the RPG parts), kingdom come deliverance and others. Try to put them in a real life scenario, how would you numerically describe a different persons with those systems - strong man contestant, proffesional athlete and as example Bear Grills. Gaining stats should be observed and advised by the system, not awarded by it. Otherwise this shows that the system can alter reality. If so why does it need a host, just alter everything it wishes and get to it’s goal, novel is meaningless in that case.

ch 03 Unknown Grade INNATE TALENT

Earth's Alpha Prime

Earth's Alpha Prime

Fantasy · MN_1223

GrumpyGuy
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