ReadingFiend

ReadingFiend

male LV 12

Love to read and incapable of stopping before completing story.

2020-02-01 Joined St. Lucia
Badges 69

Moments 335
ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
8 days ago
Commented

‘Most… of the free time’ —> ‘The most… free time’

This paragraph has been deleted.
Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
8 days ago
Commented

most of the free time —> the most free time; also in the following paragraph The 1st phrase implies they all shared the free time or that there was a specific quantity of free time that was available. Whereas the 2nd implies that of the 4, Rean had the highest amount of free time.

This paragraph has been deleted.
Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
8 days ago
Commented

cota —> quota

This paragraph has been deleted.
Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
13 days ago
Commented

i think they are using google translate or some other MTL for this story. There's clearly stuff that's mistranslated make for a very disjoined story. As much as I like the story, its getrinf to be too much.

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
15 days ago
Commented

where you set by mission -> where they had been sent for the mission

This paragraph has been deleted.
Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
18 days ago
Commented

greet —> grit

This paragraph has been deleted.
Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
24 days ago
Replied to ReadingFiend

No comma…. Wouldn’t let me edit

One might think: why not make a watchpost further back? Because if they did, those small groups would gather and make larger groups. With larger groups, they could live even further inside the Relic's Influence. 

Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
24 days ago
Commented

Because —> Well, Sounds better, you are further clarifying the prior statement. Because isn’t wrong it’s just that based on the prior statement a different word would be better.

One might think: why not make a watchpost further back? Because if they did, those small groups would gather and make larger groups. With larger groups, they could live even further inside the Relic's Influence. 

Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
1 months ago
Commented

to make all the way —> to make it all the way

'You can also do it on your own, but that takes even longer. In my case and the other Primordial Demon Beasts, it takes around two hundred years for us to make all the way down to our Home Great Void. Of course, considering our age, two hundred years is nothing but a blink of an eye. That never really bothered us. Even though we are connected to our Home Great Void and must return eventually, we can definitely stay out for much, much longer than just two hundred years.'

Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

ReadingFiend
ReadingFiend
1 months ago
Commented

Porcar—> Corpar

This paragraph has been deleted.
Death... and me

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan