Darkstel - Profile

shabby and primitive, in the trash.

and finally Sakura. Besides the fact that I hope you have a head on your shoulders and you don't do anything stupid with her, it's worth noting that without entering the plot she is not so problematic: first, most of her ostracism towards Naruto is related to his obsession with her persecution, even the "holy" Hinata would not have withstood if she had been so persecuted by, say, Kiba as a dog in heat(lol). Of course, the other part is that Naruto was in conflict with Sasuke, which is not in the best interests of your SI. Otherwise, her only problem is a strong infatuation inferior to the original Naruto, but what does she really know about Sasuke? That his clan was cut out, he is a silent loner and fights coolly. That's it. The banal image of a bad guy. Considering that for a long time Kishimoto wanted to write a pair of Naruto and Sakura, her personality is very similar to Kushina's (her flashbacks with Minato showed it very well), so SI's Mother will be a good bridge between her and him. Plus, Kushina, like Tsunade, is a very famous woman in the village and a standard for all young girls. Of course, Kushina and her children have an amorphous reputation, but who will stop curious teenagers?)

Technically, Naruto is not an empty place in this universe, but a representative of a serious clan with a mother who has a formidable reputation behind her back. In the original universe, the clan ignored him for political reasons rather than personal ones. In fact, Sarutobi and Danzo were an obstacle to a very promising object of influence and even boak and infusion into someone's clan. In addition to the village's "nuclear bomb" status, Naruto Minatu's father was a blood enemy of two Hidden Villages, which required the secrecy of the boy's status. In any case, this is all said for the fact that civilians and Genins who were at the time of Kurama's rampage hated them, but not the koans, who rather kept a visible neutrality

hand on heart, I initially thought that you had reversed the relationship with this girl (and part of me still thinks so), but considering. that Kyoko is actually a female version of the original Naruto who is very affectionate to those people who took care of him and how persistent he was with his crush on Sakura...then yes, Kyoko will melt like ice cream in the sun from the courtship of the person she is interested in. Kishimoto would have had to raise the 18+ rating in his original universe if he had written Sakura's mutual reaction to Naruto, lol

And the second point, if you made a SI twin sister, can you pull this off with Hinata? I mean, make Hanabi, if not a twin, then older. Given Hinata's initial infatuation with SI, which makes her the first easy target (not forgetting, of course, all the problems of the Hinata clan), serious Hanabi will become easier to access. The gemini effect, friendship and love of twins for twins)

If SI is going to seduce Kyoko first, can he then use her to progress with other girls? I mean, it's always easier to form a harem when one of the girls helps it.)

Honestly, is this story hard to read for free, to pay for it? No way

as for my taste, there are too many toxic relationships with Nami at the start, moreover, the author pushes her to dislike, plus the character Jack himself does not fit well into the team, of course this is still the first impression.

In the case of your argument on Tigress, I immediately recall the saying "woe from wit" a person who thinks too much about a situation loses to someone who goes through it decisively...well, or you are incompetent and cannot write what dozens of other people have written. To be honest, for any writer or other creative person, it is impossible to take a massive step back, and for the reader it is a disappointment in his writing potential. It's a pity that this statement was interesting to read, but I'd rather follow a less talented daredevil than a smart coward.

I have mixed feelings about what I saw, are you sure you can't put an old version of the story in parallel?

6/10 for the System, the only thing that supports the interest is the choice of the character and the more or less acceptable adequacy of the writing of the plot

at first glance, you can draw a parallel with another story of the harem movement in this world, but on the other hand, your story surpasses it on all fronts. And I'm not just saying this because of the lack of a stupid System, you managed to create a live character. On the one hand, he has a cool image of a lone wolf, on the other hand, a good background, self-preservation instincts and most importantly, he is not an OP and has already faced sad consequences for himself more than once.