- 0 d Continuous Writing
- 0.6 h of Reading
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Princeboi
LV 1Badges 5
Moments 41
haha, I can see the fourth wall breaking . But it also might seem pretentious and rather a sneak move
To the south of the west wall is the door to enter the kitchen. The kitchen has kitchen utensils which don't need any details. Of course I barely use any of these to make food because the owner of the Masterfeast restaurant treats me like his own child. As to say gives me a 20% discount. The reasons are something we have to ignore because the word count is gonna go through the roof for this chapter if we don't. I do not promise any backstory regarding this so keep your hopes down.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
first part of this para makes all the attention you gathered get away just in seconds. Maybe you could change some lines and words.
Whatever, we're getting distracted from the main point. So there is this wire pinned from the east wall to the west one where I put my clothes for drying. Yes living alone comes with the extra job of being a housewife for yourself. So I never recommend any of my friends to live alone.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
The northeast corner makes it sound like the room is some world. But it's still working with your eccentric style of description
The apartment is on the 3rd floor of a 6 story building, owned by Garlish Grimastrus. It contains 3 rooms all having the same bland white coloured walls. Bedroom is where all the things are cramped. My clothes, study materials, and all the technical equipment. Like headphone, speaker, loudspeaker, earphones and whatever. They're all in the north-east corner of the room. Right beside the bed.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
bedroom line can be simplified. it is too long just meaning "cramped bedroom"
The apartment is on the 3rd floor of a 6 story building, owned by Garlish Grimastrus. It contains 3 rooms all having the same bland white coloured walls. Bedroom is where all the things are cramped. My clothes, study materials, and all the technical equipment. Like headphone, speaker, loudspeaker, earphones and whatever. They're all in the north-east corner of the room. Right beside the bed.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
white seems bland? did you mean pale?
The apartment is on the 3rd floor of a 6 story building, owned by Garlish Grimastrus. It contains 3 rooms all having the same bland white coloured walls. Bedroom is where all the things are cramped. My clothes, study materials, and all the technical equipment. Like headphone, speaker, loudspeaker, earphones and whatever. They're all in the north-east corner of the room. Right beside the bed.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
"Storey". story galat hogaya.
The apartment is on the 3rd floor of a 6 story building, owned by Garlish Grimastrus. It contains 3 rooms all having the same bland white coloured walls. Bedroom is where all the things are cramped. My clothes, study materials, and all the technical equipment. Like headphone, speaker, loudspeaker, earphones and whatever. They're all in the north-east corner of the room. Right beside the bed.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
clearly, here is unnecessary. Maybe you can just remove it.
This is my home. More like the apartment I'm living in because my college is far from the Kompakchi household. And I'm an adult now, so I can live on my own. The thought process my overprotective mother clearly doesn't share. Karmia, my sister, agrees with her for some reason even after telling me that I'm adopted countless times.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
I understand the style but at the same time, it's so ambiguous and unclear that it makes me not read it. Maybe, it's because you are trying too hard either to sound funny or to showcase something that just doesn't work.
Hi, my name is Ledeliones Kompakchi. My friends call me Leo because obviously my original name is way too edgy. I am 18 years old. Birthday, 30/Jan/2001. I'm really happy with my age because I don't have to lie about my age on sketchy websites for useless videos anymore.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
nice. last 2 para actually better than first one which have more fancy writing with tons of metaphors.
Now, where were we? Yes, the basin. I rotated the handle of the steel tap anti-clockwise and the small liquid droplets coming together and forming a tiny version of waterfalls in which I dripped my warm palms in enduring the cold harsh truth the water is hitting me with and gather some of it in the joint palm masquerading as a bowl. Knowing this will ruin the pleasure yet accepting it as a grown-up adult was my responsibility. Yet performing the heinous act was unbearable.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
haan bad me dekh har samaj agya. it fit pretty well but vo work isliye kiya kyunki context. but repeat karega everytime to bullshit lagega
Eventually, I gave up and tried to wake up. First I put my left elbow on the bed to support the rest of my body and rolled leftward so the centrifugal force would make me be able to sit up. And that's what happened. I couldn't sit up just with my elbow so I had to do the same thing with my palm. After sitting up I blinked rapidly so the laziness would haze off. If you're wondering it worked or not, no it didn't. It's a useless tactic. I had to put my legs outside of the bed, on the floor and stand up to actually feel any kind of freshness. As soon as I could walk, I went to the basin to wash off the sleep from my weak face. Oh, wait did I gloss over the details about how I turned off the alarm before coming to the basin? Sorry.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
the reason behind this feeling, use ke bad stop hai to it makes it feel like you ended the sentence? agla sentence conveys the feeling right? so fuse them or just like make them seem like they are connected and that will make it more strong.
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Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
ye bhi acha para hai. well done in making reader believe that the description has m meaning and are not put just to sound intelligent. just line funny try kiya? mtlab too abrupt end but not that bad but I don't what's "properly waking up". That seems needless.
Now, where were we? Yes, the basin. I rotated the handle of the steel tap anti-clockwise and the small liquid droplets coming together and forming a tiny version of waterfalls in which I dripped my warm palms in enduring the cold harsh truth the water is hitting me with and gather some of it in the joint palm masquerading as a bowl. Knowing this will ruin the pleasure yet accepting it as a grown-up adult was my responsibility. Yet performing the heinous act was unbearable.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
karima gave me ke bad full stop is better. comma splice hai
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Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
tbh, this is a good para. probably one of best if I look from one perspective. since it sort of makes it humorous and stuff .so nice
Eventually, I gave up and tried to wake up. First I put my left elbow on the bed to support the rest of my body and rolled leftward so the centrifugal force would make me be able to sit up. And that's what happened. I couldn't sit up just with my elbow so I had to do the same thing with my palm. After sitting up I blinked rapidly so the laziness would haze off. If you're wondering it worked or not, no it didn't. It's a useless tactic. I had to put my legs outside of the bed, on the floor and stand up to actually feel any kind of freshness. As soon as I could walk, I went to the basin to wash off the sleep from my weak face. Oh, wait did I gloss over the details about how I turned off the alarm before coming to the basin? Sorry.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
details are fun. I like you are being descriptive but ask any reader or just ask you'relf itna detail just for waking up? finish in max one line or 2
Eventually, I gave up and tried to wake up. First I put my left elbow on the bed to support the rest of my body and rolled leftward so the centrifugal force would make me be able to sit up. And that's what happened. I couldn't sit up just with my elbow so I had to do the same thing with my palm. After sitting up I blinked rapidly so the laziness would haze off. If you're wondering it worked or not, no it didn't. It's a useless tactic. I had to put my legs outside of the bed, on the floor and stand up to actually feel any kind of freshness. As soon as I could walk, I went to the basin to wash off the sleep from my weak face. Oh, wait did I gloss over the details about how I turned off the alarm before coming to the basin? Sorry.
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
if I was a new reader, this para would give me confusion and bore. tune first 2 lines clear kardiya he hate alarms and waking up but you just overstating it when it's not needed.
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Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
ab tune eternal use karliya? Ek normal banda talking about how he hates waking up and then talk about eternal slumber? It's better to use simpler and more household words for such times.
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Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
third line me abrupt stop hai. once you use to stop it ends there, either use semi colon or comma or use :, -
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Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos
it was going well but I think some descriptions are bland. like if you attach a style so eccentric to things that are so obvious like kitchen, bathroom, or shit. personal skills should also have that type of style
Totally Mid Slash Sheet Storytelling
Fantasy · Kiltarina_Sovaltos