As with any presentation, let's start with the good points. First of all, I like the genre you chose. A magical/fantasy story, but on earth. I'm a big fan of fantasy novels with an urban twist. The introduction is easy to understand and you learn some of the MC's background. The story is quite intersting but too horny for my taste. The main female character is also interesting with her background and her love for David. The other female characters are interesting, but I do have a few things to say: First of all, the pacing of the plot. It's too fast. Not in the sense that we get information in a few chapters, but the other way around. You're just in day 2/3 and there are a lot of meetings with other female characters. You could spread the different meetings over several days. That's just too unrealistic. On the first day we already have 6 different women who want to get into his bed. 2nd thing: Please don't make the women one-dimensional. First meeting: The woman falls in love, wants to be his mistress, but not as a first wife, but like a mistress, already wants sex, that's not a proper introduction. It's as if the women have no pride or self-confidence. This leads to the women being replaceable and not having a unique trait. Of course Jane has a Yandere touch, but that's about it. She's rich/beautiful like the other 5 fmcs. Same goes for the MC: he's very replaceable. Strong/confident/handsome?/horny, which leads to him being very naive, nothing unique. If I didn't read it every day, I'd forget his name. So I would recommend you give the characters something unique. I don't know, like when "David sees a red carpet, he gets PTSD because of his past" or "Jane always makes cute origami and gives them to David", or a girls like to collect roses. So when we see a red carpet/origami/rose we can think of David/Jane/girl. The story has potential, but it could lead to it becoming very boring. MC doesn't really need to make an effort to catch every rich/beautiful girl like a Pokemon. Give him a challenge to get a girl. Just because it's 3 stars doesn't mean it's bad, it's good.
Urban · Dark_Crow1111
Pornographic Content Hate or bullying Release of personal info Violence Spam Other
Webnovel
As with any presentation, let's start with the good points. First of all, I like the genre you chose. A magical/fantasy story, but on earth. I'm a big fan of fantasy novels with an urban twist. The introduction is easy to understand and you learn some of the MC's background. The story is quite intersting but too horny for my taste. The main female character is also interesting with her background and her love for David. The other female characters are interesting, but I do have a few things to say: First of all, the pacing of the plot. It's too fast. Not in the sense that we get information in a few chapters, but the other way around. You're just in day 2/3 and there are a lot of meetings with other female characters. You could spread the different meetings over several days. That's just too unrealistic. On the first day we already have 6 different women who want to get into his bed. 2nd thing: Please don't make the women one-dimensional. First meeting: The woman falls in love, wants to be his mistress, but not as a first wife, but like a mistress, already wants sex, that's not a proper introduction. It's as if the women have no pride or self-confidence. This leads to the women being replaceable and not having a unique trait. Of course Jane has a Yandere touch, but that's about it. She's rich/beautiful like the other 5 fmcs. Same goes for the MC: he's very replaceable. Strong/confident/handsome?/horny, which leads to him being very naive, nothing unique. If I didn't read it every day, I'd forget his name. So I would recommend you give the characters something unique. I don't know, like when "David sees a red carpet, he gets PTSD because of his past" or "Jane always makes cute origami and gives them to David", or a girls like to collect roses. So when we see a red carpet/origami/rose we can think of David/Jane/girl. The story has potential, but it could lead to it becoming very boring. MC doesn't really need to make an effort to catch every rich/beautiful girl like a Pokemon. Give him a challenge to get a girl. Just because it's 3 stars doesn't mean it's bad, it's good.
My Virtual Girlfriend Is Actually a Lady From the Richest Family
Urban · Dark_Crow1111