KeazL_ - Profile

He will show them his power, also a type of system different from chakra in a sense. This is the ninja world, money, espionage, betrayal, it's commonplace. Information is also very important. Let's not forget a certain Hagoromo and also Kaguya's grandson and also a Madara who always hangs around are here and there. If he already begins to disseminate information on its own from a different system everywhere, this is logically the start of problems. Whether it's through information leaks or people interested in his new type of power system or mad scientists or people sensing his threat... in short, no need to develop. In such a ninja world, you're supposed to keep all your informations but he goes so far as to show how he works, his power and else... and if you do that is there supposed to be a reason behind it? Do you want to cause problems for him with this incident? No ? So what's the point of revealing that he is a sorcerer and also showing how he works? I really hope this isn't a way to get him in trouble and it's just to write extra words.

why did he say he is a sorcerer ? I want to know why you did that. I mean, there's no point in telling other than creating problems for him, right?

Maturity has nothing to do with intelligence, though. But there are billions of us on earth who are mature, but we are not all billionaires or scientists. I just want him to remember who he is, to be serene, calm and else. In situations where a child can panic, react arbitrarily while an adult (like him) would know what to do and face it calmly.

Besides, the campus tour is totally useless knowing that he won't stay here long, no need to commit to it (from the reader's POV, he wasn't going to write 100 chapters on his childhood period) so no point for us to see all that. Want to develop the personality of the secondary characters and show how he became friends with others etc? There is another way to do it, that was my opinion, it remains personal and fortunately we do not all agree.

When he gets teased, he gets in the game and acts like a child, when he realizes it he seems to like it, very good, he may like hanging out with children because it reminds him of his youth but no need to delve into it, etc. There are moments that are long compared to Bluelock, he seems to want this fanfic to last, fine, then just chose the good moment and do a good slice of life...

I think that's because it's a bit a bit long pace and conversations that are not very useful, a character supposed to be mature but he is like back to childhood, because of hormones or I don't know what? He doesn't know how to behave?

...idk why but I like this fanfic less and less, I mean I was motivated at first and the more I read the more I want to stop reading this... here are my thoughts

🤍

Lots of good ideas, pretty good use of AI, writing to improve, otherwise it's really good. Thanks for the chapter!

it's a good start. Thanks for the chapter. If we can have some news about you btw ?

We miss you, I hope you are okay.

We can see that you are à beginner at writing but overall you have good ideas, I am not a native English speaker but I can see that your English is not perfect, in any case your ability to write shows that you are just starting. I encourage you to keep going, continue the good ideas you have in mind and use this story to train and become better. You have my support 💪