Badges 14
Moments 965
I am guessing that this was an editor's comment. that should have bed been deleted before this chapter was published....
|You took up a decent number of words and pages.|
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
this should read "were owned by" (not "were owned my")
He wondered why Lord Kaine went to the trouble of procuring such an expensive ship in the first place. The crew seemed attentive enough, but as Ves walked past several hangars and mech stables, he noted that at least half of the mechs were owned my mercenaries.
The Mech Touch
Sci-fi · Exlor
should be => "seemed to "lose" all suspense" (not "losr" all suspense). the difference is because of the author including the phrase "seemed to..." which is current tense. if it was a simple part tense, then "lost is fine ("the match lost all suspense"). But you cannot mix both current tense (seemed to) and past tense (lost) together. As "lose" is current tense, that can be paired with. "seemed to".
Thus, he kept rooting for Lovejoy even as the audience peeled off to watch the other duels. The match seemed to lost all suspense.
The Mech Touch
Sci-fi · Exlor
"succinct" makes no sense, as that means "to express ideas or facts clearly and in few words." which doesn't apply to fruits. it more likely should be "succulent", which means "tender, juicy and tasty".
"I used all my accomplishments to ask for it. Solely because these lands held the weavings of endings and beginnings, and the taste of the Fruits of Existence extracted here…it is utterly succinct."
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
Ves pulled the "cord" (like a rope) , not a "chord" (which is a series of complimentary musical notes, all played at the same time)
Ves held the end of the chord and pulled firmly. The bell released a delicate tingling tone, causing the pagoda's fifth story to shine brighter even as its rotation lost its driving force.
The Mech Touch
Sci-fi · Exlor
purple "robe" (not a purple "rob", whatever that might be! )
His surroundings fluctuated as a celestial man adorned in a royal purple rob appeared, his stature tall and standing above many others as his devilishly handsome looks and demeanor instantly caused all wills light years nearby to halt and come to stare at him!
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
although more likely, "didn't want to die" (instead of "day")
In her final moments, the dying woman had smiled with reluctance as if she didn't want to day- gazing deeply at the young girl she was leaving behind as her very Existence began to splinter.
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
"didn't want to say..." (not day? )
In her final moments, the dying woman had smiled with reluctance as if she didn't want to day- gazing deeply at the young girl she was leaving behind as her very Existence began to splinter.
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
should "he" ever appear again (not "should be ever appear again")
A future where at this moment, his mere presence in the Vitalis and Vacuous Hyperversal Domains was met with an existential judgment, and would likely meet such a reaction should be ever appear again!
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
"many wrongs for him TO right...." (missing the word "to")
And his work was not just limited here.
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
this whole chapter is incredibly poorly written, and needs a lot of revision.
In addition to the beginning of the pain, wait until familiar with, Howard's every ram, but let her feel comfortable, the moans from the mouth, but also from the pain, into the oriole bird as crisp and elegant warbling, very beautiful.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
this is likely the invisibility cloak that mentor Wales won off mentor Jack when Howard's team was attacked by all of the students in the woods....
Jolted fully awake, he focused his gaze and couldn't suppress a twitch of his lips.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
freezing should read "unfreezing", since he can now reach for his battle axe
Instead, the frost crumbled, paradoxically freeing the creature.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
So where did this SSS skill magically appear from? The main character did not synthesize any skill books together. The author just suddenly started to describe the SSS skill without giving us any idea where it came froM, Or how the MC obtained it. Rather odd....
[Annihilation of the Tempest Goddess (SSS-level active skill)]
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
it makes no sense that SS skills would be more rare than SSS skills, as SSS skills are higher ranked. it seems the author got this backwards.....
Even rarer than those with SSS-level talent are those awakened to an SS-level talent.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
ok, this is a sad / not good way for the author to write. there are so many ways to say the mantis suffered significant damage, and not say that the damages value simply appeared above the mantis' head like a first person shooter or Mario game....
The damage number surfaced above its head.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
ah... but here, OP's "unyielding dragon" means something completely different from his for drain... lol....
Regardless of Howard's talents, just his handsome face alone, his robust and muscular body, coupled with his unyielding and undying dragon, had engulfed her in a state of infatuation.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
adding the sound as what appears to be part of the characters' dialog (like "whimper" or "heave" as if sometime is throwing up) is not good writing
The fear was palpable: Could this team withstand the onslaught of a boar charge? It seemed all too likely that the fragile defense line they formed would crumble in an instant against the brute force of the boar tide.
Talent Awakening: I, the Weakest Awakened, Start with Dragonfire Spell
Fantasy · Red_Skin_Duck
like = link (he didn't see a "link" leading back to the main body)
After the vast golden sea of records was scorched, the will of the Prime Devourer buzzed as before it, he didn't see a like leading back to the main body of his target as…an extension of a golden sea far vaster stretched out before him.
Infinite Mana in the Apocalypse
Games · Adui
under the heels of its "boot" (not "booth")
The faded form of his mother suddenly disappeared from his sight. One moment, she hovered in front of him, smothering him with motherly affection like she always did when he was young. In the next, her image vanished out of existence, as if the Glowing Planet deliberately roused his hopes only to crush them underneath the heel of its booth.
The Mech Touch
Sci-fi · Exlor