Webnovel Author: Fragasile - Fanfic Collection

Yes

Good to know, thanks for listening to my suggestion.

If the tler actually bothered to translate the names then this would be a God Tier Genshin fic. I’ve caught up the the raws and can attest that this here is one of the best Genshin CN fanfics ever. Too bad this is just a blatant copy paste without any effort, you’re better off reading the raws and using google translate.

What a sorry excuse of a fanfic this is. Unnecessarily long paragraphs and dialogue, punctuation and grammar being all over the place, internet terms being thrown around that ruins immersion, the “comedy” being the most unamusing excuse for horrible writing, horrendous characterization of the characters you used from other works, as well as your lack of knowledge of how strong anyone is, especially the capabilities of a mountain god. This was already such an unreadable mess of a fanfic, but the crossovers made it even worse. I suggest you to first start with something small and having proper knowledge of it than whatever the hell this trasheap Frankenstein of a fanfic is.

One thing to take note of is that too much writing can be a detriment to immersion, not every block of text has to be 2-4 sentences of over-specified lengthy information. Keep things concise and clear to read, extra fluff will just hold back on the readability of your work when the plot is something akin to a progression fantasy. Touhou is my favorite franchise so I’m looking forward to see if you’re any good in giving the characters the breath of life they deserve.

The MC here is based on the original authors work “Illimitable Until Death”. This little side story where he’s an “ordinary” human is probably the best part he’s written about all things considered, so hope all the newcomers enjoy.

While a crossover slice-of-life with an op MC isn’t anything special or wrong, one problem to be aware of is the portrayal of the characters themselves. Mannerism, wat of speaking, actions, decisions, all of this has already been laid out to you by someone else, just try to emulate it as much as possible. Erica is the most blatant example of this, she’s confident to the point of excessive pridt, yet here she’s lacking certain aspects of her character when compared to the manga/novel/anime. Everyone also suffers from dialogue being too amateurish, not leaving much distinction on who’s who at most times. If it weren’t for writing down who was actually speaking, it falls off in immersion. Writing quality needs a bit of work, a lot of telling rather than showing, makes the dialogue less interesting for sure.

I’ve caught to the raws of this novel and I can attest that it’s one of the best in the market. The author innovates and makes a new plot that has great comprehensive information you can easily understand. This is easily a 10/10 Douluo fanfic.

This has got to be the most cringe I’ve ever felt reading a touhou fic. This is written so badly that the only way to redeem it is to rewrite everything from scratch, as it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever to speak of. Writing quality: On par with the worst Wattpad amateur fanfics that was given zero thought or any proofreading. Did you even read what you’ve written? There’s no way you live in the USA right now with the abysmal English being used to write this. Characters: Horrible, just plain horrible. The MC is annoying in the worst ways, an obvious archetype of the “millennial writing* protags that just won’t shut up and let the story flow. Your depiction of the touhou girls aren’t any better either, it’s so barebones and derived from fanon lore that it makes me question if you’ve even engaged in the official manga or written works. Plot: What plot? It’s all just a bunch of nonsense and you copying the story of the games, except you make it worse. It’s written like a script with no real sense of immersion, something akin to an elementary schooler writing a story. The way you present the lore is done so badly that even an AI could make something more accurate. Your trolling system barely has any trolling being done too, you do a bunch of meta and 4th wall talk like it’s somehow humorous? Nothing about this is the least bit funny, the worst kind of marvel writing I’ve seen to date. If I could, I’d rate this story a 0 or a negative number from how bad it is.

I’ve read all the way to the current chapters before I made this review. The idea is nice so I’m glad you’re taking the time to read reviews on what improvements could be done.

I usually don’t ever review works, however this one has potential if it weren’t for the writing quality. The premise is intriguing but needs to be properly polished with acceptable writing that isn’t just paragraphs of unnecessary text and dialogue. This story would benefit from proofreading as can be seen from how it’s all just giant paragraphs with no substantial spacing, not to mention all the constant quippy back talking that should be cut down to more impactful scenes. This isn’t a TV show and even then they aren’t this excessive. The dialogue also reads that of a zoomer rather than a person. Overusing of words such as “literally” or inserting unfunny memes every chance you can get, it’s not bad to do so once in a while, however keep it in moderation so as to not break immersion. I see promise in this story, so I hope you’d take my advice in mind and try to improve in your writing.

I’ve read this in MTL and it was pretty good. A lot of the ideas the author tries to convey through his MC is probably the best part of this novel, hopefully you won’t stop translating this til the end.