bleach_orange - Profile

basically, the villains boasting/answering the child like this feels pretty unrealistic and stupid. contrast that to itachi and kisame in the actual manga where they just act, dont say much besides their demands and telling their opponents to git gud when they do speak. No one explains themselves like this to their opponents outside of saturday morning cartoons. its like a kid explaining to their teacher the trick to how they did so well so they can get praised.

the dialogue here is pretty bad. its not how people talk. It feels forced, like an info dump for readers who are unfamiliar with the setting. I dont know if this is a TL work or not, but if it isnt, the author needs to work on dialogue.

I agree with this comment SO much. This is my favorite naruto fanfic, and one of my top 3 favorite fanfics overall.

So, I admit I binged this pretty hard because it was so excellent. ...aaaaannnnndd that includes the Patreon chaps. my question is, when does the author plan to write more? Is the author here the one on the Patreon, or is it a repost? It looks like thousands of chaps for other series have been written since the last one for this, based on 'most recent' filter on the Patreon (which isnt setup with a way to contact the author, hence me asking here). I'm kind of hooked on this fic with how much work the author has put into making it feel as real and excellent in characterizations and plot (due to a single story change) as a lot of professional works. the smut is managed in a way that appeals to the inner perv while maintaining this quality level, so it's basically a unicorn as far as I am concerned.

yeah, these wishes made me lose all interest lol. onto the next fic

its like in DBZ with the Goku VS Frieza fight. Goku was already using Kaioken xWhatever and still losing. ichigo is massively more powerful now than he was originally at this point, but he still hasnt matured or refined his powers over the same period. its the difference between one talented, athletic genius with a superstar trainer and the same talented, athletic genius who has many more years of experience in the sport even if they didnt have the perfect roadmap.

so many obsessed with hanabi lol.

and I do know this is a repost, but Im calling it as I see it

Hm, I cant say I like the direction of the kidnap arc just to add wolf to the team. it felt forced. i also think the perspective being limited to bellamy is dragging the story a bit. no talk of the foh base, no talk of how they got abducted, no curiosity on how he got knocked out by the mc. no talk of student safety where students were working and visiting, in a place clearly within walking distance of the school. there was a lot wrong with this arc, and it felt contrived to mainly introduce a robot dog. next, the plot will focus on another new team member, because thats clearly what the author is focused on at the expense of other considerations.

i had hopes the story would be decent even if the prose was poor due to clearly a TL or non native speaker, but this shows a poor understanding of the HP universe.

um, weren't Illyanas ankles broken?

this was great until the random anti dark force league thing started. i think a 2nd transmigrator opposed to the mc isnt good in most cases. in the cases where it is good, its a murder-mystery type of thing or 2 transmigrators both knowingly opposing each other from the start. this version just completely derails the good plot you had going so far.

Merlin talked to dragons.

i cant read this anymore. i appreciate the poster sharing the initial story, but the writing quality has not just dropped off, but isnt even really complete thoughts or actions at times. I cant read this anymore, its not what got me this far.

ok, after listing all my grievances with the direction of the story, i have to say harry's reaction to the news of the champions was poorly done. someone doesnt work that hard for that long to achieve a goal, especially coming that close, and just shrug it off. i dont care if his brother is being targeted by being a champion. he can feel more than one thing at a time. to use hermione's words, not everyone has the emotional range of a teaspoon. overall, i think the writing in this fic has been pretty good so far, and got better after harry made it to durmstrang. but i think the ball has been dropped here, in more ways than one.