Badges 5
Moments 65
There is a mistake in this parah 'uou'
"Yes,I'm alright but why're you holding that?"I ask him then he answered which did frightened me a bit."For killing you in case you're an imposter...because you laughing weirdly while meditating.So I thought the dark energy had consume you.....". That was his answer,seriously I should be careful around him next time."It's me alright calm yourself and put the knife down or else uou may accidentally killed me",I told him to put the knife down and he did it.He also give me a warning that I should not laugh when I am meditating because it look scary.The expression looks cute because he's a small bird after all.
THE ORDER OF THE ELEMENTS
Fantasy · Zane_Earth
make sure to put space after every new sentences, after full stop.
On the next morning,I woke up and clean myself while the bird/useless noisy master still sleeping in a posture of a dead bird.I cleaned up the old hut while practicing to absorb the nature's elements (the green particles). Through absorbing the particle(not dust) my breathing capacity increase and my body became light.I managed to clean the hut within 1 hour and I don't even feel tired at all.Then I sit and start my meditation for another hour.As I meditate,I could see the green particle.I was surprised as my eyes was closed but I wondered why the green particles looks small which was around three millimeters.
THE ORDER OF THE ELEMENTS
Fantasy · Zane_Earth
I meant the dialogue. haha
If someone hears this whisper, they may say he is definitely crazy. But the fact is, this little guy is really telling the truth. How come I know ( Because I'm the author.) because I'm the little guy you're reading about.
Legend of the Spirit Continent
Fantasy · Commoner_Prince
My mouth is filled with water, after reading this paragraph. @_@
I read the book and it explains lots of thing about the training I had to do.'You know as a human you need this five senses to survive and what will happen if you don't have one of this senses?You will lost your way.For example for sense of taste.You may think you could taste anything with your taste bud but have you try tasting your food without smelling or looking at the food.If looked at your food such as fried chicken,you would remembered the taste same as well for smelling.You will remembered the smell and not to forget when you eating your food you could hear the crunching sound you make as you devour the fried chicken.And finally as you touch your food, you're actually touching its texture which will triggered your brain to remember the texture.'
THE ORDER OF THE ELEMENTS
Fantasy · Zane_Earth
I think you missed a word 'started looking at me...'
Adrian started at me with wide eyes "who are you, who do you work for?" Adrian shouted and without warning charged with his sword towards me a smile came across my face, my reflexes were better, I was stronger and faster than him.
When You Arrived
Fantasy · Rida908
superman....
I laser eyed them to dust, and I started flying like superman sending a shockwave killing all of them at once. Not a signal one of them was left. I landed on the ground with a bang I had no cuts and bruises. I looked around at what just happened "what the hell did I do.... what is wrong with me?" I said in a shaking voice.
When You Arrived
Fantasy · Rida908
I think there is a mistake 'Good, now'
I nod my head "good know wear this" he hands me a pair of trousers and a shirt.
When You Arrived
Fantasy · Rida908
Hi there... there is a mistake in first line, Use 'Placed' instead of 'places'.
I woke up to the sound of horses hooves, a knife was places under my chin, I was welcomed by an old man with trembling hands and he says "III don't know ooo you are but I don't wan any trouble missy" "my names Rachel I'm Ahhhhhhhh" l looked at my hand and saw my hand is covered in blood a deep wound is on the side of my hip my eyelids starts to close, I can hear people around me in slow motion I lose conscious...
When You Arrived
Fantasy · Rida908
I like this sentence "...groaning in agony..." *noted*
This paragraph has been deleted.
Kingdom (Garden of Lies)
Fantasy · Doctor_Word
I think there is one extra "the" in this sentence. "as if it....."
This paragraph has been deleted.
Kingdom (Garden of Lies)
Fantasy · Doctor_Word
I think you missed one word "I started focusing....":
I climbed the mountain eventhough I had been warned.I climbed around eight minutes and collapse to the ground.I started breathing heavily."Since when I am this weak??"I asked myself.I sit and did some meditation since the book has written about 'if you want to strengthen your strength,you must strengthen your mentality'.Then I felt my body became light then I stood up and climb again but this time I focusing to absorb the nature elements just like what I did in early morning.As I am focused on my breathing and start running up to the summit of the mountain.The technique really works as I don't feel tired or fatigued at all.Also without me realising small green particles surrounding me as I breath in the green particles.
THE ORDER OF THE ELEMENTS
Fantasy · Zane_Earth
I meant 15 year old girl or I don't why there are 4 something. maybe it is against rule.
It was midnight, the Village head stood atop of a pitch black altar situated in the forest opposite the entrance of the village. The altar was like a void; seemingly sucking away the waning moonlight. Below the circular altar were nine human youths and one tall boy with vertically slit eyes and dark violet scales on his outer forearm. Two fangs protruded from his excited face as he stood straight, seeming to be dreaming of something pleasant.
Slightly Damaging The Heavens
Eastern · ThatBlackid
you even use "asked curiously" (if the character is curious)
"Why I only see the CHA?" said William
I need to protect christmas
Fantasy · Palosians
remove "said" Sometime it is not necessary to add "said..." Put something like "Explain....question.....ask....scream....yell....etc" there are more (This is advice which shouldn't be used in this sentence. But try to use them in other sentences. You can even use them in past tense)
"A Christmas armor?" said William questioning Santa Clause
I need to protect christmas
Fantasy · Palosians
To make the sentence look good, use 'ask' because William asked from Santa
"What is this?" said William
I need to protect christmas
Fantasy · Palosians
I think you forgot one word 'And she told me....'
And she told "Well I'm impressed"
I need to protect christmas
Fantasy · Palosians
hi long time no read... I want to say that. you forgot to put '?' at the end of the word. since he's asking question. therefore you should put question mark.
King’s Karma
Fantasy · Palosians