Everythinger_Kumar - Profile

Everythinger_Kumar

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2020-08-11 Joined Global

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Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
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Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar

You have a really catchy plot and I read through your chapters in minutes. It isn’t always the great story and characters that get the book a 5-star, but sometimes, it’s also the way of telling and conveying the story in a simple, yet intriguing way. I guess you have mastered that aspect in your story and it felt completely different to what I’ve read before. I had a few requests for an example for a story lead and oh boy!! I messed up so many times before it was satisfactory. I often gave too much detail and sometimes too less, which was not appealing. You have found your sweet spot in description of looks and what I have learnt from your novel is that it really helps if a description standard is kept in mind. I observed that you started off (when describing a person) with his color, hair and eyes. Then, you came into a short description of their body structure. And you kept this for almost all the characters you described and I really felt that it was minimalistic but also made its point at the same time. The prologue seemed unrealistic at first when you said “the govt released a new law banning...” and it somewhat created a question in me. But this is very common in novels that have any isekai elements, or unrealistic elements. The only best way to conquer this is to get the readers to a stable plot before they nod off in the middle. And you have done just that and by the end of the chapter, I had almost forgot the unrealistic prologue and started to see that world as a normal one. Now, let’s talk about your plot. I think that you have really put some deep thought into when designing the plot. Your last chapter, as well as being a cliffhanger, is also a major hook to the story. The style that you have used when the last dialogue (of Zac), I have also observed in some famous authors and it gives that thrilling effect to read on. But what I felt was that sentence would’ve packed more of a punch if it went like “Good, because I want you to do something (impossible/insane/something you can’t think of/ etc) like you get the point right? Another thing I observed is that you tried to incorporate humor in your story. At the first, when Zac, Jake, and Jane weren’t familiar enough, the humor aspect isn’t much well laughable. But you’ve done something really interesting by familiarizing the readers to Jack and Jane and the humor is suddenly all connectable. And this is one of the things that made me read through without a gap. One thing I would advice or so to properly say, like is that you can give names to your chapters to make it more attractive. For now, only the chapter number is great but at some points they don’t match. (For example, chapter 5: chapter 4) So you can fix these by giving them a name or just delete the chapter number and have web novel do it for you. One more thing that would really make your story more attractive is to use italics when Zac is thinking. I’m sure that you would probably know this by now but a lot of big writers use this italics and it really has that effect of making the reader know that something different is being conveyed here. It would look neat when scrolling through and that would be a big plus point for physical copy readers. Overall, I feel that these types of genres really is the sweet spot for you to get your skills flowing and continue to amuse the readers. Sorry for making this long, but I couldn’t help it. Greatly written.

Everythinger_Kumar
Everythinger_Kumar
Commented

I really liked all the actions before Zac is introduced to the plot. The prologue is very catchy except when the new names are introduced. I found it a bit difficult to figure out the name transition.

If someone had told Diaan 10 months earlier that she would be living with the generous owner of a modelling company, she would've looked at them like they lost the plot. Now, she's just plain grateful. Who would've guessed that the same lady that was wheeled into the hospital with severe injuries was the same one looking after Diaan and her three-month baby boy, Zac.

I must confess

I must confess

Horror · Crimson B

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