- 0 d Continuous Writing
- - h of Reading
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Justice_2_Free
male LV 1I'm just a writer trying to make great stories.
2020-09-04 Joined United StatesBadges 3
Moments 23
It's amazing how many writers miss this.
"My point is, Every story has two sides, you either choose one side from the other like the rest or see both sides, explore the grey area".
Morphing Iniquity
Teen · Tailrs ink
I would reword it to be "With whom Dr. Robotnik had a struck a deal in order to create Shadow
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The Girl from The Stars (A Sonic fan fiction)
Video Games · Moe_Sisterson
Very well done. I enjoyed reading this chapter.
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
Okay yeah, the word irate didn't mean what I thought, so thanks for pointing that out!
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Vampires of Halvor
Fantasy · Justice_2_Free
I love how you've raised the stakes and made the world feel bigger than the main characters by sharing Ellia's backstory. This is getting better and better.
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
"but was to drowsy recall who they belonged to" Shouldn't it be: "Too drowsy to recall?"
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
"He had convinced him it wasn't a good idea" Who had convinced him? Bain? Or was it himself?
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
Thanks! Like you said, it's always great to get feedback especially from people who are also experienced writers!
ch 0 3 Another Route
Vampires of Halvor
Fantasy · Justice_2_Free
I love the world building and the cast of characters introduced so far. I appreciate how fast the story is moving and how you aren't too worried about bringing the story to a halt for the sake of world building. It shows a lot of skill for the craft. [img=recommend]
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
There either needs to be a period or a Comma when it says "It was a crest(./,) Berg's Crest."
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
There needs to be a comma in-between blade and brandished.
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
I would have laid out all the details of the plan that way you create anticipation and suspense. If the reader knows what the steps are, expectations are made because then the reader is waiting to see whether or not it goes according to plan or if something goes wrong or a step was accidentally missed.
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
Major respect to you for putting songs in your story! I wish way more authors would do this in their stories so it's nice to see it here in yours!
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
Yikes! Need to fix that!
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Vampires of Halvor
Fantasy · Justice_2_Free
Nice! I didn't think of that!
"You attacked my younger brother and then lied to… I should kill you where you stand, but I can't be bothered explaining to your mothers why you died for beating up such an unfortunate life form. So break your own legs. That will be your punishment for attacking a member of the royal family." Prince Octavian said to the group of boys, who all hesitated after hearing his demands.
The Retribution of a Cursed Swordsman
Fantasy · Zero_Things
Nice! I like how this is going in a clear direction! Can't wait to read what happens next!
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The Wolfcrest Trial (Early Draft)
Fantasy · Clive_Haddon
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind going forward. I would have never caught that if you hadn't said something.
ch 0 1 The Battle of Ivayla
Vampires of Halvor
Fantasy · Justice_2_Free
This is a fantastic work of literature. It's got the kind of thought provoking themes that I very rarely see in books nowadays. Each paragraph I read makes me just want to keep reading more. I would Highly recommend checking this book out!
Morphing Iniquity
Teen · Tailrs ink