Thereviewer48 - Profile

*videogames

And you are too wordy on some sentences, that don't need it, so it can be clearer for readers. Maybe try grammarly? It is a good helper, our eyes do not catch everything like other people's eyes.

*not bad (sorry writing in comments in WN is terrible) I play videosgames, I'm a gamer, but I never played LoL. And so could other people who read your story. You have to add more descriptions for people to know about the games background; not everyone who read gaming novels play games. That is why I put that. (I hope I didn't sound mean).

Writing Quality: 3/5 Your writing is fine, but you have problems with punctuation, especially not using commas when needed; it throws the flow of the story off. Update Stability: 5/5 I give that to everyone. Story Development: 3.5/5 (rounds to four) The plotline is good, the time skip threw me off, and the pacing is okay. Character Design: 3.5/5 (rounds to four) There is no connection to the MC, I feel like I don't know much about her, except for vague things are what you give. I feel there is not much depth to her. But, she does have personality and not bad. World Background: 3/5 I barely know anything about your world. It is interesting and not bad, but I don't know much. I feel like it needs to be more descriptions about your world. You are on a good track, keep up the good work!

Writing Quality: 3.5/5 (rounds to 4) Not bad, but needs some work. Easily fixable by going back and rereading your story. Update Stability: 5/5 I put that for everyone. Story Development: 3.5/5 (rounds to four) It is okay, a bit over the place at times, but I do enjoy your pacing. It doesn't go too fast nor is it slow paced. The plotline is interesting. Character Design: 3/5 You give background of the character with descriptions, even adding in his emotions, but I feel a disconnect with the MC, I feel no depth to him. It is there, but not enough for me to immerse with the MC. World Background: 3/5 You tell us whats in the world, and how they do things, but I feel no real descriptions or in-depth information on what the world is. I might be missing something because I only read more than half the chapters (skipped what I told you I would), so it just be me not connecting with story. It is not a bad story, there is potential to it. Keep up the good work!

Writing Quality: 3.5/5 (rounds to 4) Your writing is not made, there are a few mistakes and the wording is either too much added words or worded weirdly. Update Stability: 5/5 I give that too everyone Story Development: 4/5 Not bad; the pacing and plotline is good. Your story is very interesting, and the first chapter is hookable which is important. Character Design: 4/5 I like your MC, but I still feel a disconnect to him. World Background 3.5/5 (rounds to four) I like the world behind your story, but I feel like I don't know much pertaining to your story; especially with the game.

Writing Quality: 3.5/5 (rounds to 4) There are mistakes in writing that can be fixed by rereading the story. Update Stability: 5/5 I put that for everyone. Story Development: 3.5/5 (rounds to four) Your pacing is good and I like the plotline, but I don't really feel the thriller part at all. Character Design: 3.5/5 (round to four) I feel like I don't know enough about your MC, but your characters are nice, and I do enjoy the MC. World Background: 3/5 I feel that there isn't enough background details about your world. It is nice, but I still feel things missing. You are going at a good pace, hopefully more details will added as you continue. Keep up the good work!