Webnovel Author: marialawal31

3yr

Posted

The tense switches back and forth between past and present so I'm not too sure when this is set. Some sentences need re-wording. But the idea is interesting, the character's personality shines through the dialogue and the start created mystery which would push the reader to want to find out more about the story.

The Dawn of Heroes

Sci-fi · Kotachua

marialawal31

3yr

Replied to marialawal31

or for the picky ppl - so it flows better

Percy relaxed after noticing his homely but messy room and ruffled his messy hair before proceeding to dress himself up in a simple pair of dark blue jeans and a white tee. His muscular physique can be seen through his simple attire as he tidied himself in the mirror.

The Dawn of Heroes

Sci-fi · Kotachua

marialawal31

3yr

Commented

maybe change the sentence structure so it flows more

Percy relaxed after noticing his homely but messy room and ruffled his messy hair before proceeding to dress himself up in a simple pair of dark blue jeans and a white tee. His muscular physique can be seen through his simple attire as he tidied himself in the mirror.

The Dawn of Heroes

Sci-fi · Kotachua

marialawal31

3yr

Commented

some issues with tense

Percy relaxed after noticing his homely but messy room and ruffled his messy hair before proceeding to dress himself up in a simple pair of dark blue jeans and a white tee. His muscular physique can be seen through his simple attire as he tidied himself in the mirror.