Richard_Weems

10d

Replied to Richard_Weems

Oops .. synonym

"Ow..." He gasped. He lifted himself onto his butt. He felt his warm blood running down his back and side. He groaned in pain as he quickly took off his black leather jacket and tossed it. He quickly ripped his white shirt off and threw it off to the side.

Biohuman

Urban · Reiverus

Richard_Weems

10d

Replied to Richard_Weems

Antecedents or synanems

"Ow..." He gasped. He lifted himself onto his butt. He felt his warm blood running down his back and side. He groaned in pain as he quickly took off his black leather jacket and tossed it. He quickly ripped his white shirt off and threw it off to the side.

Biohuman

Urban · Reiverus

Richard_Weems

7mth

Commented

Please start giving antecedents to the numerous pronouns.

"Ow..." He gasped. He lifted himself onto his butt. He felt his warm blood running down his back and side. He groaned in pain as he quickly took off his black leather jacket and tossed it. He quickly ripped his white shirt off and threw it off to the side.

Biohuman

Urban · Reiverus

Richard_Weems

1yr

Posted

While the concept and initial chapters are interesting I have never seen a story with such a vast number of Chekhov's guns. It became so bad that the only way the author could fix it is to destroy the world and move it to another one. At least it is more manageable. I couldn't invest myself into the almost purely plot driven story. The main characters did not evolve, nor did I find them relatable. It is a shame; the concept held much potential. Don't think I comment based on a few chapters I read over eight hundred before yielding to gravity ( I. e. I put down the book.

Death... and me

Fantasy · Suiyan

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Richard_Weems

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Death... and me