After reading the synopsis I gave the first chap a try... And hey! It's pretty good. You used some complex and unnecessary words here and there but overall I like the first chap though. Why? I dunno, maybe a breather for those system-type ones.
ch 0 1 Chapter 1 : The Dream
Fantasy · Zoe_Fez
ch 0 9 Crystals
Wanderer of Light
Fantasy · TheDreamery