Delboyhowe500 - Profile

Why would you review this if you haven’t actually read it yet. It is extremely pointless as you have no indication of the piece of writings quality yet. I suggest that in the future you read the first chapter so then you have some sort of basis for your 5 star review.

The overall plot is good you just need to stick to either 1st or tgird person you jump between ‘I’ and ‘He’ every couple of lines and it is extremly distracting you need to edit that

This is actually very good the writeing quality is amazing and You take time to show your charecters motivations and you also make these motivations the driveing force for the charecter in some famfics the charecter just does something without any motivations. you do well with this and actually hive your charecter real personality. i also like how you use different povs you dont overuse them you use them to bring to light certain story elements and guve attention to certain things instead of useing them for the sake of having a diffrent pesective.

First i would like to start out by saying this review will Criticise a lot of things you hqve writen but i would also like to say please dont get angry over the fact i have critisised your work please actually try and take into account what im saying as a lot of writers get angry and dont take into account the criticism that is givin to them. Okay into the review forst i would like to start out with the good stuff your story and plot are really really unique and i have never seen a male amazonian in a story and the plot can actually go in a lot of diffrent directions and i would also like to commend you on not just sticking to the trope of a person get recarnated and immediatly gets the most op power of all time you actually have your charecter go through a stage of growth where the grow and become stronger which i would like to comend you on. Now onto the critism your writing could Be alot better if you wrote more in depth and focused in on key details more and your overarching story is good but the finer things could use work. The paceing of your story is way to fast within 2 chapter the charecter has been reincarnated and then almost immediatly its been 8 years and your charecters escaping we dont get to see what the charecters gone through while imprisoned we dont get to see what effect that isolation has had on the MCs psyche we dont get much background it why anything is happening. You just need to develop your writeing style slightly. You also need to gIve more build up to big events and give the story more of a flow as currently its just event 1 event 2 event 3 And theres nothing Between To flesh out the charecters or to give motervation. to fix this i would suggest you give more reasons as to why these events are happening and give your main charecter more of a main goal that is clearly defined. I would also say that your story should get into your charecters head and tell us how your MC came to certain conclusions or came up with ideas and plans. Also please dont do a Harem a harem limits your work as it is impossible to make a charecter aRc of 9 people and the supporting cast at the same time this makes the harem seem lifeless. this also makes a lot of people turn away from your story as a lot of people see the word harem attached and then leave the story. i would say stick to one person so that you can have time to fleSh out the charecter and make sure they actually have a personality.

Every thing is pretty amzing and i think the charecters react correctly to the situations they are in my only problem is that the dialogue could be made slightly more natural sometimes it fomes of slightly robotic but this doesnt happen very pften