KyLash - Profile

"what are we going to do now?" Well we're the last two people in this world, so obviously we should start repopulating.

The story might have potential, but it's really hard to read with so many errors all over the place. In just the first paragraph you wrote "rune" instead of "ruin", "hero's" instead of "heroes", and didn't capitalise the name of the place.

There are quite a few things wrong with this chapter, but the worst issues are the author's notes. Any time you feel the need to write an author's note to clarify the story, that means you're doing it wrong. If you need to change perspective, just wrote "3rd person perspective" or "bob's POV" as a heading. There's no need to make that an author's note. The first change to 3rd person perspective makes no sense. It lasts for literally 2 paragraphs of narration before switching back and would have been just as easy to write in 1st person. If you feel the need to explain that "str = strength" then you should just write "strength" in the first place. And listing the full character sheet twice in the same chapter with barely any change is excessive. Just list the changes.

I had really hoped there would be a satisfying pay-off 80 chapters of filler but that doesn't seem to be the case. All that time wasted on annoying side characters only to kill off half of them and now we're just back to business as usual. The story is interesting again, but no more so than it was before and the outcome could have been the same with only a few chapters away from the main characters. If you really wanted to tell that side story, it would have been much better as a separate spin-off. That would let you properly flesh out the characters instead of making them such obvious side characters that we were never going to really care about and would avoid losing readers who were only reading a story called "The villainess and I, her zombie" because they want to read about those two characters. Putting two completely different stories together like this just guarantees that you're going to disappoint anyone who likes the tone of one of them but not the other.

I'm not a fan of the "buzu". Not sure if it's supposed to be cute or something, but I'm just finding it annoyingly nonsensical.

This chapter kept mentioning human trafficking, but since these are elven lands I would assume they aren't trafficking actual humans so it might be better to use a different term like slavers. Or just call it elven trafficking.

This chapter kept mentioning human trafficking, but since these are elven lands I would assume they aren't trafficking actual humans so it might be better to use a different term like slavers. Or just call it elven trafficking.

I really hope the story gets back to the main characters soon, otherwise I'll probably drop it because I really don't care that much about any of these people.

The system probably gave Kamiko a mission she would fail so that she would meet Kat.

Leave the room, get the reward, then go right back in and wait.

Why would you skip forward to the end of the week only to immediately have a series of flashbacks from during the week? That makes no sense.

Oh man, I forgot about the elf king who she told to burn a forest down. I'd love to hear what happened after that.

I'm using the Web novel Android app and haven't seen any italics. Maybe it only works on iPhones or when using a Web browser rather than the actual app.

Skye ate the poison, but is also says "Skye would save her if it was serious". Did you mean Thyme would save her?

Mind Flayer seems like the only reasonable choice in reality. Killing everyone would be fine in a game that ends with a specific short term objective, but if he wants to actually live a life for as long as possible then stealth is the only option that really makes sense to me.

"I am always here for you" What happened to "trust no one, not even me"?

Doesn't that bit of sarcasm at the end count as lying?

Thanks for the chapter.

You don't have bad writing. The story in general has been excellent, it's just this one area that I feel is lacking. I would have likely ignored a plot hole like this while reading many chapters a day, but now that I'm up to the latest release and have time to properly think about individual chapters (which I do because it's one of the best books I'm reading at the moment) it's easier to notice things that don't seem to fit together properly. When the only marshal of their kingdom and holy light envoy allowed the devil to torture one of them it should have been abundantly clear to the rest of the generals that they are about to be betrayed so disobeying orders and trying to rally their army seems like a reasonable thing for them to do. Their options at this point seem to be either surrender and beg forgiveness or tell their soldiers that the devil is trying to trick Dawn and Amelia so they need to begin the attack. As surprising as it would be to see what Lucien did last chapter, they are all veterans so at least some of them should be able to think under pressure. Also, they seem well aware that Dawn isn't a cruel racist like themselves, yet they apparently haven't planned what to do if someone actually reveals that to her. If she has a reputation for being the only reasonable leader in the empire, then everyone she fights should have been trying to tell her about the problem.

How many chapters have all the generals just been standing there watching the show? I like how the good guys have been handling the situation, but having the evil racists just do nothing seems like bad writing.