Revellor - Profile

[img=update]

"One of"?...👀

Congrats on the milestone :)

Can't risk having an accomplice expose too much incriminating information. Though it's probably too late for them anyway.

Ayo, did I just read a transcript of "Mediations - any% no major glitches" or what? That must have been the fastest any political decision has been made in history. If only real world problems were equally as straightforward...

Following Jash's character development is like riding a roller coaster. On one hand you've got the highs, were you really root for him to get stronger and shine brightly. But on the other hand he has very low low's, moments in which he gets what he deserves, and the schadenfreude this gives me is immeasurable. Brilliantly written

I absolutely loved that interaction :D

If the novel had an alternate title along the lines of 'Land of the Battle Maniacs' I wouldn't even be surprised.

Amazing. Thank you.

Don't immediately equate female lead with romantic love interest. i.e. in a story about two very platonic siblings, a boy and a girl, they would be the male and female lead respectively. I think what Ark was trying to point out, very explicitly at that, given how he brings up the non-romantic connotations of soulmate as an argument, was that Ruby (and Xi) are important, reoccurring characters with the same literary development potential as the singular protagonist (Jake). In this story he also happens to be the main, and only, male lead, but it is a tag and concept that should be viewed in separation from his role as the protagonist. If you want a more straightforward example think of actors in theater if you will. The two (or more) main actors are called the lead, even if they have no relationship at all and develop in parallel, never intersecting or maybe just briefly. That is not to say that a romantic involvement is necessarily excluded. Only Ark knows what sort of relationship the leads will have by the end.

I really like these development focused episodes. It's nice to take a break after a long action sequence and watch Jake reap his rewards and organise his plans and future. I fondly remember how meticulous Ark was in describing the inner workings of his universe when Jake was learning Aetherism for example. More of this please :D Thanks for the chapter!

kinda not cool seeing the "bad guy is so bad he's irredeemable" trait again and again. him being a lost cause due to having fallen to a void creatures whims was already enough characterisation. The parallel between his glorious past and pitiful present was a good hook. making him overly abusive to his maid and addicted to Candace is just overkill. now there's no way he'll be memorable besides being generic enemy leader number 5 that Felix will eventually triumph over.

I am very curious if one day, Jake will be forced, or perhaps do so willingly, to make a new body for himself. Clearly, he's stacking negative debuffs from an ever increasing number of enemies, which he has no means of getting rid off. Think back to the Shaman in the last ordeal for example. As he is practicing to be an aetherist with a strong spirit body capable of inhabiting new bodies to boot, creating a stronger version of himself at some point in the future may not be as improbable an event as it sounds. What do you all think? Always grateful for the chapters Ark :)

I largely agree with everything you've said in response. To clarify a bit further, it is not that Doevm's rage borne of his lichhood and past experiences was inexplicable in and of itself - you’ve done a great job setting that up character-wise and it has been featured before so it’s not like it’s the first time it happens - but rather that it appeared so in the passage. My biggest gripe with that scene was how rough it seemed, like a patchwork quilt of different things rather than one whole. Your reasoning of Doevm being accused while innocent makes perfect sense, and would have been even better had you included that line in the relevant paragraph. Sure, it's a bit on the nose and diligent readers can figure out why he is angry anyway, but it helps to ensure a certain baseline for clarity and immediate understanding, and to just improve the overall flow of that scene so readers don’t stumble over it. But you’ve noticed that yourself as well. You could also subtly address his leadership this way, so that the thing with Elero is also clearer. But other such things are not actually that problematic, they are just missing a few details here and there to connect everything a bit more. The patchwork analogy from before basically. Besides that, the cut to the group is also not going to be a problem if you make it worth it, i.e. adjust it to flow better and be less “because plot”, as you said. Hope this helps clarify some of my points. I love your work and am curious how you will adjust that scene :)

Sure, paragraph comments with extra details, included or not, are always nice :D In response to your earlier query: Continuously dehumanising Thomas, before seamlessly transitioning into refering to him as it, the Shadox, is definitely a nice touch and really well done. However, the transition back to Thomas could have been improved somewhat, in my opinion. Starting the parapgraph with "Thomas blinked. He was standing..." right after "shifting lungs..." would be much more abrupt, hence impactful, but also easier to follow along with. Furthermore, it would make one ponder whether that episode really happened for a moment, which you could have leaned into more. As is, the transition from Thomas collapsing, to Thomas standing in front of a door that has claw marks from his attacks and a feather makes little sense, as an entire chunk is seemingly gone. If he still went mad and rushed around, he shouldn't have collapsed, and vice versa. Though maybe I'm wrong and you plan to add more on that in future chapter(s) or I missed something. Either way, the scene and idea themselves are great. One other thing is the change in perspective to the rest of the group and their altercation with the villagers. Not only does its sole purpose seem to be arbitrarily elaborating on why Doevm cannot provide more help, but it's also somewhat haphazard, at least to me. Their carriage is still on the road, so clearly they just arrived; their group has enough power to frighten the villagers into calming down yet is seemingly being pressured; Elero expressed her wish to avoid a fight, yet has no idea how to do so and is relying on Doevm who is inexplicably mad at the humans again. It just seems a bit clunky while not contributing anything to the events happening in the mansion. Instead it removes some of the mystery around why Doevm cannot provide more help to Thomas, and also interrupts the buildup of tension and the atmosphere of the mansion you so painstakingly created. Again though, these are just my impressions, so feel free to disagree. I really liked this mini arc so far and am curious how it will wrap up :)

Yes, you definitely delivered, and I enjoyed the recent chapters. If it really comes down to it, I had some minor gripes (but also praise) for 365, so I left a comment there to avoid spoilers here for future readers.

I really liked the pillars mourning the chandelier. You definitely nailed the visual imagery of the mansion and the fountain. However, it's hard to feel despair for Thomas since he seemed to be in full control of the situation up until the monster appeared, which was rather abrupt, so the buildup of horror and feeling of looming dread was mostly absent.

Aww, that's a pity. Now Felix won't have a sadistic voice in his head anymore D: At least during the games. Thanks for clarifying, love the chapters!