Webnovel Author: shacochan - Novel Collection

Well written. .....................................

You don't have to listen to my advice after all I don't know what your motivations are. I am well aware being a successful webnovel author doesn't exactly correlate with better writing skills.

Wasn't expecting a conversation. I'll be more upcoming with the review. You claim the story goes slow. I don't believe that is the case. Pacing aside, you are focusing on the wrong things to describe. Perhaps you have improved over the months. I only have 18 chapters to work with. After the read, I am left utterly oblivious to the Mc's thoughts. How could I begin to speculate when you gave me nothing to work with? What food does he like, what ticks him off, what does he love, does he have a sense of humor and much more. 'Bob ignored the loud questioning with a nonchalant expression.' is breadcrumbs compared to a sentence like 'Bob glued his eyes to the flickering candle light. The barrage of questions was too much to take in at once. He needed time to sort his thoughts so he relaxed his face and tried his best not to flinch. Predators lunged on prey when they flinched, he hoped to give them pause with this universal law.'. This is an example of what you should aspire to call slow. As for chaos, well, idk what meaning you labeled it. What I mean by chaos simply put is not peaceful. It can be as simple as mosquitoes bugging the Mc every afternoon or some minor family disputes to something exaggerated that I'm sure I don't need to describe. I'm willing to read just to know how the mosquitoes are resolved. I am not looking forward to reading nothing. As I said, chaos is a writers friend.

Review till chapter 18 Focus on the why than the what the character reacts to stimuli. The read was a childish forcing edge lord behavior. The beginning chapters are too lackluster and peaceful. Chaos is a writers best friend. The mcs insentives for progress are also lackluster. There is no sense of urging or worry. Work on that.

I'll keep in touch and let you know what I think when I do. I like works that take progress slowly, takes its time to set the world and character personalities. Although you've failed to do it decently, I believe it's what you strive for at the core. I want to see you succeed so I can get engrossed in a story I like. Prologue is everything. I suggest you rewrite it multiple times until its decent. I myself am a moody novice writer, lazy and irregular perhaps. In the past few days and month, I've written Prologue after Prologue, all for the same novel, each with different thoughts behind them. When I'm bored, I write something else and go back to the prologue soon after. It's helped me find a writing style I enjoy and 'perfect' the prologue that matters so much. Many readers simply read the first chapter before deciding to continue or move on. Webnovel had recommended your novel as a potential starter. Fate may not be kind the next time around. Perhaps you may find the redundant action boring, perhaps there are better ways to improve in writing. This is what I'll be sticking to for a while however and perhaps you may find it helpful to do the same.

Review for a read until chapter 8. I will never understand the appeal of systems for readers nor what motivates authors to purposefully go against the core of story writing. Putting Grammer and my bias aside, there are unsalvageable mistakes that makes the read unpleasant. The prologue is not catchy at all. It simply follows the bland current of a river mechanically that I can't fathom to understand. It's too normal, too peaceful, too nothing. I want something exci ING or thought provoking that makes we want to read the next chapter, ignoring the small scale of them. The characters are, well, I can't give my opinion on them because I wasn't given the chance to meet them. Who is the Mc and why am I following him in the journey? Not a shred of personality, monologue or otherwise. It makes or breaks a story. The world is never described. Vague mentions of them aren't enough. Making them too detailed is undeniably tedious and unnecessary, I understand, but a middle ground must be found else leave the readers confused. What does the magic school look like, is it hogwards like or modern campus like? What is the buses color, the street, is the sky normal or is green light the norm? I have no idea because they were never briefly touched on. The pace needs to be be slowed down with these corrections. I hope you get better at writing.

Review for a read till chapter 3. The style of writing is not really unique, childish perhaps. No real way around it besides constant writing. The review is more for aspects outside of Grammer. I hope youll stick to writing and deliver quality works in the future. The initial chapters bored me, something a Prologue should strive to be the opposite. The story was spread too wide, many days flying by with not much going on. Its best to start off the prologue with something exciting, thrilling, something to make the readers look forward to the next chapter. The nightmare is interesting but nothing urgent or thought provoking is happening. Character actions are simply written for the sake of it. Karma goes to school, does this, does that. There is no personality. I want to know who I am following in the story. There is a difference between 'Karma ate dinner and went to bed' vs 'Karma begrudgingly shoved a spoonful of spinach into his mouth. He swallowed it whole, an action that almost choked him to death. The taste was never pleasant. He had once blamed his mother for the taste. After many attempts of his own cooking, there was no saving it. The plant was simply never made to be eaten.'. There is a lot more personality in the latter.

Review by chapter 269 I binged the story in the past few days. I decided to take a break before continuing the journey. I wish to write honest feedback before any recollection gets muddled. I am a very picky reader so I may be biased. I will go through my thoughts relative to other works expected from webnovel. The author is passionate in what he does. He pushed himself everyday and relys on the readers for motivation. It is evident in his recent work that kept me reading unlike his previous work. For reasons I can't recall, I couldn't get past it's single digits. I'll be following his projects in the future the will surely be better. Anyways, let get back to the subject. The story is nothing special. A work one who enjoys the classic solo edgy beat em up would enjoy. There are certain aspects that makes it preferable compared to the rest. There is no mention of systems and 'skills/magics' are not explored anatomically. This allows for more focus on the story that many novels fail to understand. Characters are explored in more detail, monologues are more prevalent, everything one expects from a webnovel is there and more. But that's where it ends. The core of the story is set in flaws just like every other novel. The Mc has a questionable incentive, the world is nothing special/ doubtful perhaps and most character have a pretense of third dimensionality Going into slight detail, the Mc's motivation mostly arises from a reoccurring nightmare. Personal ideologies push the Mc in pursuit of power. I prefer them to be more tangible/physical. It gives more substance to motivation compared to a drive derived from an unrealistic unbreakable will. The Mc is perceived with a lot of flaws, the core of what makes characters alive. When the flaws are put to the test however, they never falter. It annoys me when it occurs in the story. Show me some weakness, sacrifice the mc's objective success and potential, loss friends, family because of these weaknesses. These weaknesses are bottled up and rationally explored for growth instead of exploding unfavorably for a more organic story. The Mc is a Mary Sue when it matters. The world revolves around the Mc. No single action from characters can alter the perceived story like the Mc. For this reason and many minor others, characters don't feel alive and relevant even though some are explored in detail. Any given character has to be written like a Mc. That is what makes the world vivid and lively. Perhaps George is a fair character but the author Insistance on the Mc's solo action doesn't give him a chance to shine. The Mc meets love interests at the beginning of each planet. The Mc relys on them for growth. I like reliance but they don't necessarily need to be love interests. It gets tiring. For reasons mentioned above, the world inst exciting beyond the expected big bad needs to die. One example, the juxtaposition of Mcs enrollment in a military and his continued defiance of orders and relished freedom bothers me. Whether the military has reasons for them or not, it goes against the perceived realism associated to these associations. Many more occur in the story making it wacky. It's a good read. Nothing exciting I would say.