Berger_Chew - Profile

I see, I might re-read to see on the foreshadowing then, good luck finishing the rest. Can't wait!

I saw another version of this, not sure if this is you re-write but i feel like you need to rework this. I understand this is your story but I think there are things you can improve. 1. Why AT/BT? Its more of a stylized choice and many people commented on this but I think you should've wrote 2 different stories MCU/DCU. or have an chronological order (finish BT then go for AT) or have bits of BT flashbacks while AT is happening. Its really hard to read one chapter after another when they are both different stories. 2. Figure out ur MC more, flesh him out. I know you have this whole backstory for him in MCU and DCU but even near the end of the most recent chapters, I still don't know what he wants. He had powers in Marvel and he didn't want to be a hero, he was just obsessed with DC. You wrote him in Marvel so he can get certain items and skills for him but he could've just been in DC in the first place and still have all those things. Which leads to 3 3. Marvel is unneeded, honestly I mostly read AT and mostly BT because well DC is where it's at, the meat and I felt like all those things happening in Marvel made no differences to his character at all. *SPOILER* If he was going to be "dark" (artificially) as in hey the memory of this MC is him doing bad shit why not make him do it in real time in DC in the beginning. He can have moral dilemma or your "black spirit" while he's doing his sorta Spiderman thing. Generally I felt like if you kept going with AT, splash a few BT then it would've been more completed. 4. Lastly, honestly your doing a great Job, I criticize cause its good and its worth it to be better. Its your story, feel free to do whatever you want. But if you to make a more coherent and engaging story i recommend just narrow it down and hone in on what's good so far. I get you night have a big thing for marvel and DC together and there's this epic story, maybe I'm not seeing it or I feel like tis too big of a project. But I hope you keep up the good work and maybe think about reformatting it.

I only read a few chapters but I already don't feel like continuing, I see some people enjoyed it so maybe it wasn't my cup of tea, however i do have some problems early on and it might help you if you want to do another novel. First you mentioned their character might be a bit different in your summary, which is fine, your fanfic your rules. However I felt however you want to change the character Obito taunting minato was such a grade B villain move, its like "hint" "hint" Im someone you know "hint" hint"? Its like why? He's a villain, he's got a grand plan (at least I assume he sill does) and doing that could **** him over hard. People tend to forget minato is a genius who climb through the ranks as a civilian shinobi, no clan specialities or some shit. So it won't be hard for him to clue together so douchebag from his past came back to **** with him. Honestly that was stupid and didn't fit his character, he even went on about not killing woman cause of his past love, seriously!?! Why not just come out and say it instead, you basically dropped like the biggest hint. Another thing about characters is that you can say minato really did believe his son became the fox and went all crazy. The could be an interesting angle, however you seem to forget naruto wasn't important because he is the 4th's son, but he is a nuclear deterrent. All the tailed beasts were, so even he might hate his "not son" he is the hokage and there is no way he is gonna be ok with his nuke walking away. Cause literally one of the major reason that makes all villages aware of each other and not go full on world war is cause the major villages each have one. I can go on and on but I think you get the idea, I think the fundamental flaws of their character doesn't match their position in the story regardless of how you want to portray them. I think you'll be a better writer if you consider all aspects of that character, their job, age, etc... Anyway your story could've improved in the later 100 chapters, maybe but this was more of a writing problem than language or all those things. *Btw someone mentioned they were bothered by fox ears and tail, yea sorry have to agree. Not cause of aesthetic reason but the fact it is well known a fox attacked a village and no there is a person who is literally half fox is like a bright light pointing at an Jinchuriki which is not unless it is your vision to make konoha hate him as much as possible. Because remember it took all of naruto's ten something years until he was recognized by the village, and that was only cause he saved it. His bond with village was a very important aspect of his growth and having fox characteristics will make it even harder for him to connect to people. Don't know how you're gonna pull that off but good luck