Moments 7
great transition to dialogue
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An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis
this is good
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An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis
this is good but you could put an adjective in front of the 'death sentence' like 'swiftly delivered' or 'rather painful'
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An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis
the 'extremely attractive to women' part could be replace with a more subtle way of pointing out why women like him, possibly describing some features of his appearance that make him look good
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An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis
maybe you could remove 'seven feet tall' as the previous sentence basically sums up his height anyway
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An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis
maybe a more gradual introduction into the story would be better, even just one paragraph from a birds eye point of view talking about the crowd then zooming into these two boys circling each other
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An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis
good
An Angel's Requiem
Fantasy · Asriel_Lynis