Badges 3
Moments 19
extra kudos 👁️👁️
very nice
ch 20 Little Mermaid
Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
.....lil specs of freckles, i could've been under a blanket of stars twinkling in the night, lost in space if i look at it for too long... being focused on details can put her in a dreamy state.. this makes the readers emphasize w her wild concepts of the new character as well.. invest invest invest.. her imagination can push the readers to dig deeper in the story
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Pretentious Missy Collins Isn't Who She Says She Is
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
she sounds interested when she was focused on his eyes.. maybe she should extend her thoughts in this last sentence....... the ****er could be of some use to me that last chain of thought can connect to her previous encounter with jasper.. from bored to feelin giddy agn.. can make the readers invest on the new character as well
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Pretentious Missy Collins Isn't Who She Says She Is
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
sounds cooler if.... i said, emphasizing on the last part as i swiped a bead of sweat across his grossly tanned chest
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Pretentious Missy Collins Isn't Who She Says She Is
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
could sound better with..... his fat filthy cock against my fresh ironed pants
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Pretentious Missy Collins Isn't Who She Says She Is
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
opening chapter is ok, not painfully dull as people might think at first.. there is some personality there.. maybe could need a few adjustements with the flow of the scene.. from fast to slow? there are moments that dont need clarification, let the readers use their imagination.. sarcasm could go a long way too very nice work overall
ch 0 1 The Flower Boy and Red
Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
would sound funny if..... red thought.. or maybe she did.. who knows.. this tall fella seemed to arch his eyebrow at her in amusement...
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
.....some flowers, miss?
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
....sending electric shocks from the back of her skull down to her spine which made her knees jerked in surprise.. the adrenaline shot to her toes and got her falling down the floor in slow motion....
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
maybe add some accent.. clear.. slurish.. smthn
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
more like...... quiet out of nowhere.. like ghosts.. a low, cool toned voice ringed behind her ears
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
*at her fingertips
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
connecting this to the previous paragraph on the last sentence would sound nice... ...put her nose into; like a distant memory she cant seem to grasp at the tips of her fingers...
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
it would be cool if u could extend the mysterious atmosphere in this part. maybe a sudden cold gust of wind tickled her skin. deja vu¿ describing the moment bit by bit, a chain of concepts that rly draws the readers to the flower stall..
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
could use a nice comma next to 'down'
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Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu
woah very nice 👁️👁️
ch 22 Captivated x Captured
Somniate: Rise of the Faey Queen
Fantasy · yu_chan_desu