Jordon_B - Profile

I sure wish people would stop writing like they think they're making a play or movie script. It's seriously irritating, and just screams lack of talent.

This story was definitely written by a Chinese person. I know this because, somehow, the 200kg beast provided 1,000kg of meat. That's some Chinese math right there.

So Odin's version of a deal is "surrender to me," huh? What a d!ck.

Geezus, so Elaine is totally friggin useless? She hasn't done anything, and has totally relied on mc to do everything for her while she relaxes at the treehouse. She doesn't deserve to be with mc.

Pretty sure at this point the dark elves were believed wiped out. They wouldn't be sending gifts. After all, it was Bor that "wiped" them out, and he's dead now.

Card tricks are a little less impressive when there's actual, real magic.. but I guess they're children, whatever.

Yeah, I'm with the others, King is a stupid name. Prince King Featherwine. And then.. King King Featherwine? Sooo clever and inventive.

Hmm.. the Queen seems like a decent person. But isn't malekith the dark elf that tried to destroy the universe? Why would she be in love with him and think of him fondly?

Your story seriously went downhill when you decided to do the dumb timeline shenanigans. Also, somehow your writing quality got worse, too? Or at least the style. It's like you were trying to include voiceover summaries or something, and it really helped ruin things.

Oh, wow. Mc has a special power to perform the kawarimi one time before he collapses. That's a great power in the Naruto world.

Too much italics. Italics are for special occasions like thoughts or flashbacks. Not for every paragraph without speaking in it.

"So you want to know the bad news?" No, don't tell me this important bad news, I'm too stupid to care. Also, I don't have any memory, so I'm just going to wait until the family I'm not supposed to know about comes to pick me up.

"I will not bore you with how he died." Proceeds to do a 4 chapter prologue. Whut??

I'm sure anyone would like to be told "you're the perfect wife because you can turn into all of my fantasy girls." Get real.

I thought cerebro uses his telepathy to find mutants. People with their mind protected can't be found by it.

That's because calling someone, especially a group of people, "mutants" is a supremely stupid decision. Especially since culturally the word mutant brings to mind radiation damaged and deformed animals and people. And horror movie villains. Overall, truly terrible idea to name a race that.

So so stupid.. why didn't he just teleport her out? Dunno if it's mc stupidity or author stupidity. Either way it's disappointing, and this story is going downhill at super speed.

10 super powered people is still a huge team. I too think making a team is a big mistake. That just basically turns this story into a mini kingdom build kind of thing.

Yeah, too much talking in fights with the fodder. And not even anything clever, either. And he was doing so good not actually speaking "techniques" names. I hate that dumb weeb crud.