i have a question that hopefully be explained first how does the population deal with the increase in gravity from how big the planet is? second how do you have 11 suns lighing up the world all at one time the heat from them would burn the world to a crisp the orbit would be completely screwed and night and day wouldnt exist
if you have any qualms or things you disagree with in my reivew please reply after all conversation is the key of communication
lets start this off by disclaiming i am exposing my thoughts in this review and not trying to undermine the authors work. Now with that out of the way here are my thoughts, first the writing quality of the author he has a very active and creative mind which we can see through reading his novel. although he has this weird kink in his writing that most authors get caught up with which is showing instead of telling a story, through the novel it will become apparent that every characters inner thoughts become written out and shown to you (im not talking about the mental energy) although the author does do better on this in the later parts it is still prevalent. furthermore the conversations sometimes feel like their on rail tracks with it consisting of mc being explained something grasping it then the characters showing surprise at him grasping it rinse and repeat. Althought not from experience i have also seen complaints of info dumping as well aside from those three nuances the writing is superb and the author has alot of talent for writing and envisioning a novel. Next story development now this is slightly tricky however i can say without doubt the story overalls development is divine starting on earth then hunting systems across other planes is an uncommon thing in a novel i dont have any qualms about it. Next character design the wide array of characters does provide a feel of individuality the problem i mentioned earlier exists with the characters almost feel like their having pre planned and rehearsed conversations and in rare cases having unhumanlike reactions. along with the mc feeling a bit too omnipotent being able to dive into something and understand it getting a surprised reaction rinse and repeat.Next updating stability its completely fine no qualms. Last and final one world background the author manages to blend the story and world info together seamlessly allowing the reader to envision the subject while also having a large degree of freedom to customise the envisioned concept. all in all while not the best definitely up there in the top %
darlac sorry not darble
keep in mind i just woke up so this comment is going to be no where as long as my others however that does not mean i do not have some concerns and compliments. my main concern is on the main character and the queen it almost feels like their dialogue is mounted on rail tracks whatever she says he picks up and instantly absorbs with the queen then complimenting him rinse repeat but other than that and him starting to lean into being omnipotent the plot is indeed intriuging the introduction of "darble" not only has clear advantages and disadvantages to the mc only if he becomes powerful enough to take on the system holder by doing basic exercises i will be etremely dissapointed although i doubt that will happen still 4/5
is there anything in what i wrote which u would like to expand upon or disagree with in my comments? after all conversation is key!
thabk you for the clarification
although the problem i mentioned in my previous comment about showing/telling a story is still prelavent it seems the author has managed to slip into his groove although many may feel divulging all the infromation may be stupid or along those lines it shows how hes trusting too the queen enough to divulge it even if he is still portrayed poorly all in all nothing really new to comment other than the author is getting better and "into his groove" 4/5
althought he does occasionally shift from showing and telling dont know if its purposefully or not
forgot about the makeup of the world he is in is nonsensical and defies all laws of pyshics
The First Store System
Fantasy · pinaka_