FabioMustachio - Profile

Great story, it is very good, do you have a Discord server?

No, it really isn't, Jord is an awful author.

No, because all of his MCs are awful SIs that are 'Super alpha sigma males who get all the bitch3s'

Ah, so you haven't read any Yugioh fanfiction before.

The secret to happiness is eliminating Jord and his stupid cult

Oh yeah, I should probably mention that the Author straight up admitted to molesting his baby sitter when he was five years old, molesting as in touching someone sexually without their consent, if it was initiated by the babysitter it would be statutory r@pe, but since there was no indication it was at all voluntary on the babysitter's end it is pretty clear that Jord the inbred dumbas$ sexually assaulted someone before he could even get a boner, (The next 3 words are sarcasm, I point this out because I understand the average IQ of a WebNovel reader)greaaaaat job man.

There are several issues with this story, first off the name Yarden is a Jewish name for women, having Odhar as the last name does NOT make it 'Son of Odhar', unless you mean your family name is Mac Odhar then your last name doesn't mean 'Son of Odhar', by the way, why the fuk does the MC choose to make so much fucking noise when he wakes up in an unknown area? at least TRY to keep quiet! 'Yarden Odhar' does NOT mean 'the descending, conquering, son of the dark one', the closest translation for Odhar is 'Dun-Colored' or 'Pale' it is pretty much the fukin opposite of 'the descending, conquering, son of the dark one' Also, 'the boy looking back at him lacked the broadness of his own shoulders and thrust of his chest.' the thrust of his chest means he constantly walks around like a fuking peacock, which is just a sign of being a douche. 'He pushed back any worry for why he ended up here, or his family back home, they didn't matter right now' YES THEY ABSOLUTELY DO MATTER RIGHT NOW, the MC is currently in a teenage body, meaning he is a minor, he also has no memories of the body he is currently in which fuks him over if the actual Yarden wasn't exactly like the MC, and what happens if the MC wants to talk to Yarden's family, they have known him his whole life, unless you just use author fiat to make it so the original Yarden was a pathetic waste of oxygen then the family WILL notice, this is assuming you didn't take the cheap way out and make the MC an orphan 'He swiftly rounded on his feet and launched a right fist at the wall as hard as he could.' why the FUK did you just punch a wall for no reason? Sure you could say it helps you calm down but there are better ways to do it, like not punching a wall in an unknown area. 'He could have cried like a little girl right then and there', man making those Gaelic warriors REAAAAAL proud right now, wanting to cry just because you have no cards or points to get cards, truly a fine example of Scottland. 'The small room with warm brown painted walls and a soft pink carpet. The triple bunk bed completely immaculate except for the bottom bunk, the one he'd just rolled out of. The desk with an older model computer screen and processor on it to his left. The closet in the front corner of the room and right next to it, between it and the front door a sink and cooker combo thing, he didn't even know something like that existed, it looked almost alien.' this is completely fuking redundant and is just pointless, have you heard of Chekhovs Gun? 'Chekhov's Gun is a dramatic principle that suggests that details within a story or play must contribute to the overall narrative. It emphasizes that every element in a story should be relevant and necessary.' There is no real reason we need to know of the ugly ass room, sure you could say that you described it for the later scene of the MC noticing that it is the Yugioh GX room, but unless a room has unique features or you have looked at it for a while, you aren't gonna remember it, besides, why the fuk does it matter if he recognizes the room, having a Duel Disk that works exactly like in the series should be enough of a fucking hint! 'He snorted as his eyes landed on the final item of the room, laying completely inconspicuous in the middle of the room.', an object the size of a Japanese teenager's forearm in the middle of the fucking room is NOT inconspicuous if anything it is CONSPICUOUS because humans typically gloss over familiar objects or things because our brain recognizes what they are so we don't focus on them, an entirely new object that is the size of a teenagers fucking forearm is gonna be noticed pretty fucking fast. in·con·spic·u·ous [ˌinkənˈspikyəwəs] adjective inconspicuous (adjective) not clearly visible or attracting attention; not conspicuous: "an inconspicuous red-brick building" Tldr: learn how to write good stories and stop having such a boner for Gaelic shit, it gets old real quick and is probably why your parents wish you were aborted.

Man, I hope you stuff your colon full of gunpowder and squat over a lit fire

Much Funni, Good job NAO, go sleep you fuking dumba$$, also like the weird guy said, M60 bullets are not unique, give me your liver and your home

the mc just constantly gets nerfed for like no reason, not cool, nerfing mcs better have a good reason or all youre doing is annoying the readers

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