Badges 5
Moments 107
Still there are less than before, so good job at getting more focused
First by his side a female head general who went by the name Zera. She had red fiery hair and silver plated beast armour. She looked like a knight in the olden days, apart from her modern military uniform that could be seen underneath.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author I am not even commenting on mistakes anymore if it so often that it really distracts from reading so I dont care anymore to waste my time
First by his side a female head general who went by the name Zera. She had red fiery hair and silver plated beast armour. She looked like a knight in the olden days, apart from her modern military uniform that could be seen underneath.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author 'the old days' not 'the olden days'
First by his side a female head general who went by the name Zera. She had red fiery hair and silver plated beast armour. She looked like a knight in the olden days, apart from her modern military uniform that could be seen underneath.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'plus' but 'plusses'
Because of this, Alex found it hard to believe that Quinn would ever do something to harm him, and for him, there seemed to be more plus then negatives. One part of Quinn's story that stood out to him was how Quinn used to be a nobody.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not ', Paul' but 'and Paul'
There was a passcode on the outside door, but this was also given to Linda, Sam, Fex, Paul. All of the ones that needed to hide their powers.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'vampire' but 'vampiric' (powers)?
Linda was the person who actually suggested it. With her new body, she wished to train her new body and powers. Of course, Quinn wasn't against this idea, he also wanted a place where he could use his vampire powers without worry as well, so this place was claimed to be Quinn's special training area.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author missing a part of sentence 'teaching whoever got hold of (it about) the vampiric powers'
In the vampire world, Vincent was in charge of trying to make a blood substitute for the vampires, but he had never succeeded. Falling in love, as well as dealing with a few other problems, he had moved to earth. Wanting to live and die along with his wife, Vincent decided to leave a book which was passed down from his children. The book was what Quinn had received. Worried about his family and future generations, he wanted the book to teach whoever got hold of the vampire powers, so he made a system.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'down from' but 'down to'
In the vampire world, Vincent was in charge of trying to make a blood substitute for the vampires, but he had never succeeded. Falling in love, as well as dealing with a few other problems, he had moved to earth. Wanting to live and die along with his wife, Vincent decided to leave a book which was passed down from his children. The book was what Quinn had received. Worried about his family and future generations, he wanted the book to teach whoever got hold of the vampire powers, so he made a system.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'as much as funds as possible' but 'as much funds as possible'
"I'm trying my best to recover as much as funds as possible, but ever since we've returned, someone has been restricting my access to all the Green's accounts."
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'away' but ' '. Two conflicting words describing a status in one spot.
"Quinn," Logan said when answering the call. Quinn could see many terminals and computers in the background, and Logan looked to be busy away working on something.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'then' but 'than'
Quinn hadn't given up on that yet either, just he had always planned to move a small team, so it was much easier then what these big powerhouses were planning.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'Springily' but 'Suprisingly'
A call was made out to their masks from the command centre, pinging them, saying he wanted to speak. He had done this in the past and only once gotten a reply from them. Springily today, they picked up.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author Pure is less mysterious than Blades, pls add word 'again' to add emphasis why he is scared of them implying that it was because of what happened at Blades island.
He didn't want to have to go on another rescue mission, especially with a group like Pure, wrapped up in mystery. No one even knew their real strength.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'moment' but 'movements'
Next, on the list of things to do was to try and contact the two girls. They knew the moment of all the other groups but not Pure so much. At the same time, he was wondering how they were doing. He just hoped they weren't in trouble as well, like Vorden.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'give' but 'gave'
Pressing a button on the side of his helmet. The material covering Alex's face that would protect him from sparks came down. Sweat could be seen dripping from his forehead. "Hey, do you like the equipment I give you or do you not? If so, don't complain about my ways." Alex replied. "In the past, I noticed that when creating the weapon by hand, there was more of a chance of it getting an active skill. I don't know if it's just in my head, but ever since, I've always done it this way."
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'there' but 'they are'
"I think I know where they were heading," Vicky said. "The direction Vorden went in, it was towards the west beach, the same place where Hilston stopped him before. They're planning to leave by spaceship again, but if there by the sea, we'll have an unlimited supply of water there. Which is my speciality."
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not Quik but Quick
"Quik, Sil, there is one thing we can do."
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'sped' but 'speed'
However, the punches from Pai sped up and so did the attacks, until eventually, one of the invisible explosions had hit Raten, and soon after a few more.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
@Author not 'whole' but 'hole'
The only way he could avoid it was to use a flash step, which he did for the first few. When the attack went past him, it could be seen hitting a rock and carving a clean whole into it.
My Vampire System
Fantasy · JKSManga
What sick pedo wrote this about 6 years old?
"Daddy! Daddy!" A slender joyous girl approached a man who seemed to be in his fifties. Her eyes brightened when the man stooped down opening his arms for her. She quickened her pace opening her arms widely to hug the man. A broad smile formed on his lips but they didn't quite reach his eyes as he admired her features as if seeing her for the first time. She fell in his warm embrace. He engulfed her with a big warm hug. His eyes drifted behind the slender girl where a younger one with freckled cheeks and big blue ocean eyes that could calm a man's grieving soul. Her jet black silk-like hair swayed down her hips. Her skin is as smooth as glass and freed from blemishes. Her smile could compete with the sun. Indeed she was beautiful and resembled a white flower against a bouquet of red roses. The young girl gave off the aura of young and innocent. She was indeed innocent but unlike any other female her age, she was fine-boned. She was a six-year-old girl but she looked even more mature. She acted like an adult would. This she was intelligent and asked questions even an adult did not know of. She was indeed a keeper. The man's green orbs bubbled with excitement. He was overwhelmed with joy to see his beautiful princess, the apple of his eyes again after being away for six months. At her right side stood a lady who seemed to be in her early forties. She was the spitting image of the little girl. She stare down at the man embracing her eldest daughter and a cheeky grin formed on her face. The little girl cringed to her arm and trembled she knew she was scared of something. But why was she scared? She watched the little girl's eyes widened before they became teary. She stopped dead in her track and pointed towards a sacred place made of board and surrounded by candles the pig was killed and tied upside down and drained of its blood. Its eyes were lifeless and beady. The girl felt sorry for the pain the poor animal had to endure. Her blue orbs pricked with tears but she didn't cry. The villages people crowded the sacred place in a matter of seconds. They chanted some words the girl was unable to distinguish.
Bloody Paws
Fantasy · Sashae4l