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kkworld

kkworld

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2021-06-08 Joined Global

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Commented

Not now but i would suggest you to rewrite some paragraphs. Dont use too much 'that's why' Try to show more emotions and try to show not tell. Like the cold bridge para...you could have written a little more descriptive and full of emotions. Show the surroundings as well.

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Commented

The bike man

ch 0 6 Blue Muffins In Bunny Shape

Hunting Down the Last Elf

Hunting Down the Last Elf

Fantasy · OSM_1015

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